PREVIOUS: E.S. Basics – #3
SITE: “Childhood Abandonment Issues“
Even if we spend a lot of time in Adult mode, it’s not unusual to fall into Bad Parent or Wounded Child E.S. when faced with enough stress. This can be from a pile up of real-life events, or by bumping up against an unhealed wound. Then the 3 states no longer work together, regressed to an earlier time in our life, with the specific experience, beliefs & training at that experience / trauma
a. We may just hear whispers in thoughts & feelings (anxiety). OR
b. move fully into one of those 2 states absorbed from our past,
✎ outwardly AS:
• damaged Parent – abusive, controlling, know-it-all, or over-indulgent, symbiotic rescuer….
✎ alternating with:
• damaged Child – sullen rebeller, raging scapegoat, needy victim, incapable isolator….
These create energy blockages masking our True Self & preventing us from being ‘in the flow’- founded on negative beliefs about Self & others, used to justify unhealthy decisions & actions
We absorbed repeated comments from family / society…. about something as if it were a fact or reality, when it was only their experience or belief – not ours – BUT we took it in & then made it our own ‘truth’
Symptoms of this blockage depend on which E.S. is dominating at the time :
#1🩸When the PigParent bleeds into the Adult we mistake Parental beliefs & messages as Adult reality.
We may think & act out of ‘superiority’ hatred, such as narrow-mindedness, racism or religious judgement.
EXP: “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself”/ mother: “all men are bums / father: those ‘people’ are taking all our jobs”….
#2🩸When the Wounded Child bleeds into the Adult, we mistake the Child’s beliefs for Adult reality. Things in everyday life can trigger old trauma, so the WIC becomes frightened at or angry about things that may or may not be dangerous or unpleasant in themself. (Fantasy or Illusion – not necessarily pathological)
EXP: “Nobody likes me / I can’t do anything right / / Nothing ever works out for me / If I’m perfect, famous / rich… then everyone will love me” ….
#3 🛠 When both PigP & WIC bleed into the A. at the same time, we combine Parental & Child messages, as iff they’re doth Adult reality (even when they’re contradictory) EXP : WE —
• can have a sharp negative belief which terrifies us : “Anyone different from me is bad & so I’m always in danger” OR
• can have a sense of superiority, feeling entitled : “I’m better than “them, so I can do whatever I want”
☞ Interesting : In #3, the Adult is Ego-syntonic – not in conflict within itself, whether its ‘position’ is accurate / healthy – or not.
It happens when we believe that what we feel & think is completely true & unchangeable (“I’m always right, my way is the only correct one // God is demanding, I have to be perfect)….
EXP : Our inner (P) voice ways “Children should be seen & not heard”, so our (C) agrees: “I’ll be safe if I’m quiet” The adult ego state does not check the combination for accuracy nor include experiences that disproves the statements.
Most others in our peer group will agree with us, so only someone outside the circle will catch logic flaws (CDs) – if there are any.
🔎 🔍 🔎 🔍
✺ Communication CHANNELS
When 2 people or groups interact, each come from one of their E.S., & this can shift during the exchange – possibly several times.
a. Crossed transactions occur when Person 1 says something from one ego state, expecting Person 2 to respond from the same E.S., BUT instead, receives a response from a different one. This naturally results in breaking connection, but is a useful way to ‘force’ a shift in communication, as a diversionary tactic
b. Ulterior ones consist of hidden messages used to manipulate, chosen by the Inner Child, originally as a survival tactic. It occurs when the Sender offers a social message on top & a psychological message underneath. The Receiver senses the dual message & usually feel uncomfortable or confused.
Resulting actions taken by the Receiver are determined by the psychological (ulterior) level of the transaction, because the secret agenda carries the most weight (More…)
c. Complementary transactions are ‘clean’, & can continue indefinitely. We tend to regularly prefer 1 of these options, but can shift into the others, depending on who we’re dealing with.
🔆GOOD exchanges between 2 people or groups =
❥ Adult #1 to Adult #2 : problem-solving
❥ Nurturing Parent to Natural Child : care-taking
❥ Natural Child to Natural Child : having fun, being creative
❥ Controlling Parent to Adapted Child : giving guidance & instructions
✦ Nurturing Parent #1 to Nurturing Parent #2 : will discuss how to care for others
✦ Controlling Parent to Controlling Parent : will agree what rules to apply to others
✦ Adapted Child to Adapted Child : will be compliant or rebellious together (MORE….)
NEXT: E.S. Basics – #5