ACoAs & Emotional Immaturity (Part 2)


lazy-boy
I’M DOING WHATEVER I WANT- 
no matter what ! 

PREVIOUS : Emotional Immaturity (Part 1)

See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.

QUOTEs: ◎ “If you’re always waiting to get caught, welcome to a life of immaturity” Eymadreamer
◎ “Immaturity is the incapacity to use one’s intelligence without the guidance of another” Emmanuel Kant

6. NOT FLEXIBLE
Opposing people & ideas – we’re emotionally rigid, AND insist there’s only one way to think about or do things “our way or the highway”
‣ experience the world as being against us, feel unseen & unheard, which can lead to constant debating, arguing, fighting
‣ OR compulsively isolate, avoiding reality, especially when frustrated
oppositional‣ see everything in B & W (too much or too little, all or nothing)

Oppositional – compulsively take the other side of an opinion or event, even if we secretly agree with the first one :
‣ as a way to keep others at arm’s length emotionally (false protection)
‣ because of a fragile ego (False Self, WIC), we’re afraid of loosing ourselves if we agree with someone else, instead of having real boundaries
‣ have great difficulty with any form of real or perceived authority
‣ resist taking advice & help, even when desperately needed

7. NOT SELF-AWAREMISSING :
• ability to question or reflect on the consequences of our actions
• access to our own ‘voice’ & True Self
• awareness of how we communicate, that we don’t make genuine connections, or what effect we have on others by what we say
• appropriate sense of boundaries (over or under-functioning)
• awareness of our emotions or interior life (anxious, cutoff, reactive, stressed) OR why we think, feel & do what we do
• genuine empathy for or perspective about others

8. MANIPULATIVE
• experience the world as threatening, so hide our fear by subtly invalidating others (undermining), double talk, guilting, act weak & incompetent, play on other’s sympagrudge-holdingthy….
• highly self-absorbed, unsympathetic, passive-aggressive (covert hostility)
• hold on to unexpressed resentments, while our real intentions & behaviors are hostile: the con man, the gossip, the martyr, the two-face
• not able to face reality as an adult, we tend to LIE quite often, as a defense mechanism, even about small things, especially when not necessary. We gradually forfeit the trust of friends, family, and co-workers
• pretend to have emotional stability which we don’t actually have

9. OVERLY DEPENDENT
Symptoms : fear of abandonment (FoA), co-dependence & people-pleasing, (perhaps also extreme conservatism)
• act as Victim: always complaining or whining about something, or apathetic & numbed out. Focused on self-pity, waiting to be taken care of
• are indecisive – not able to make simple choices or decisions and stick to them, from being too easily influenced, bullied or manipulated by others
• basic emotional reactions to life = fear, distrust, anger & anxiety
WE
• get angry when a significant other (as parent-substitute) expresses their own needs & wants, when different from our own
• chronically expect some other person, place or thing to make life worth while. Needing others around all the time becomes a burden to them
invest ourselves in any belief system or person who reinforces our own opinions (actually those of the WIC & PP), OR who promises rescue, privilege, salvation or status
WE
make snap judgments, are insecure, defensive – covered up either by being totally self-effacing or puffing ourselves up all the time
• need to please everyone, in exchange for safety & gratification, doing ‘nice’ things for our own advantage, so are rarely emotionally honest
• are prone to intense attachments or enmeshments (symbiosis), always dependent on someone else, when a reasonable amount of self-reliance should be present as an adult.
This does not apply to temporary dependency caused by present-day trauma or major illness

NEXT : Emotional Immaturity (Part 3)

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