PREVIOUS : EMOTIONS re. Painful Events (Part 1)
SITEs:” Uncover Hidden Emotions”
✦ ” A Quick Way to Surface Unconscious Emotions” (Gestalt)
These are only a few of the possible Es that fuel our reactions to Events, but because they’re shielded by denial we may not have experienced them directly
Denial: Hiding painful truths from ourselves (but not always from others) that we can’t bear to know, so we shut them away in our unconscious & completely forget
✓ Abandonment – not getting our needs met day-in-&-day-out as kids added up to becoming a huge festering sore. The essence of A. pain is terror. When we feel A. the WIC thinks it’s back home, alone, unprotected & we’re going to die!
✓ Rage – the accumulated fury from childhood from having been powerless, frustrated & vulnerable in an unsafe environment. When our A. wound gets triggered the fear can overwhelm us, & the rage it releases make us say cruel things to ourselves & others
✓ Outrage – our kid’s reaction to injustice & unfairness about things we have no control over – but are determined to, anyway!
✓ Guilt – for ACoAs, the emotion generated by breaking any family rule. Even tho someone hurt us, we end up thinking we’ve done something wrong!
✓ Self-Hate – the defense mechanism protecting us from feeling the full weight of our original A. ACoAs consistently blame ourselves for any pain, anxiety or discomfort we feel!
✓ Shame – the feeling generated by any NEED (all childhood needs are legitimate, but not all wants) which was originally abused or neglected in childhood
• If we’re still experiencing distress from internal (our CDs) or external events (other people), but aren’t sure what the Es are, here’s one way to find out
😳 Our body will tell us, if we listen. The GUT KNOWs! Our whole being (nerves, muscles, organs, chakras, meridians….) registers emotional pain & stores it until it gets expressed
We can push it down, explain it away, accuse others of making us feel bad… but eventually it catches up to us & WE are the only ones that pay – with physical aches & pains, anxiety attacks, depression, the need for addictions, difficulties at work & with personal relationships….
• Have you noticed the ‘ICK Factor’? That’s when someone you’re around – can be once, but usually ongoing – consistently does or says something that doesn’t sit well with you & each time you feel a tiny jolt in your gut (an ‘ick’). Even if you like many things about the person, it can be a specific way they respond to you, some characteristic or belief of theirs…. that upsets your kid!
For some possible ways, see posts on “How ACoAs Abandon Others“, (Parts 1-4)
• You may not be able to verbalize right away what’s wrong about a given situation, but the body knows. If the “icks” keep happening, then you need to check in with yourself:
✓ is this ICK one of my WIC’s over-reactions? Could be! OR
✓ is my gut letting me know that something about this person really makes them incompatible?
• It’s often someone you’ve been bothered by from the very beginning, but have been ignoring the signals your emotions are giving. But it’s not always the people you’d expect. Someone you argue with or who is sometimes annoying may not give you a ‘ping’, while another who seems great ‘on paper’ has a characteristic that sets the internal bell off in your head. Always pay attention!
• Although some people are too damaged to ever be safe, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone who gives you the ‘icks’ is bad – just wrong for you. Stay awake & maybe use the Qs in the post “What just Happened?”.
When you’ve figured out what’s bothering you, you may or may not want to talk with the person about it, depending on their receptivity & your level of comfort. Then you can decide if you want to keep your distance, or leave.
NEXT : ACTIONS – Negative, Part 1