PREVIOUS : ADULTING  (#4)

SITEs :
✅  “Adulting: LIFE SKILLS ”

✅ “Things I wish I knew….”

✅ “Adulting Expectations vs. REALITY”

❣️ CORE mirroring :  Validation & affirmation is how parents teach their children what are appropriate responses & what aren’t.  Validation is more than a basic human need. It’s a fundamental prerequisite to being able to feel confident in yourself, provided by experience & familiarity.

Validation from parents & other safe adults :
— alleviates anxiety
— tells us when we’re on the right track
— gives us the self-motivation to complete new or hard tasks with less dread, and
— builds support, so eventually we can more easily handle life’s responsibilities & daily details.
That way we’ll be free to spend our energy elsewhere, either learning more adulting things or doing fun grown-up things.  (More….)

HELP the Inner Child GROW UP
❤️‍🩹 Acknowledge Your Inner Child: Recognize that early Self part exists & needs positive attention
🍃 Connect with Others: Build supportive relationships that encourage your emotional growth
🍃 Cultivate Creativity: Engage in artistic activities to express your natural talents & emotions
🍃 Engage in Play: Find ways to have fun, doing things you love & help to relax you
🍃 Nurture Yourself: Prioritize self-care that make you feel safe, loved & valued  (“Kids Are NOT Just Mini-Adults (Brain Development” )

🍃 Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness & understanding, always – but especially in hard times
🍃 Reflect on old Experiences: Journal, share & sit with childhood painful & positive (enjoyable) memories, to understand your inner child’s personality & needs
🍃 Set Boundaries: Protect your emotional space by developing healthy boundaries with the Introject, the WIC, & other people
🍃 Seek Recovery: For persons growth, use therapy, ACA & Al-anon meeting, daily reading…. to heal old wounds and develop a loving Inner Parent.

ADULTS ….
1. Active versus Passive
…. are proactive & self-assertive, rather than passive & dependent. They don’t feel victimized by life, complain or dump their problems on others.  Instead, they face challenges directly, finding solutions rather than always depending on others for direction. They ask for help for what they actually need, such as healing trauma, “how to” do things they don’t know yet ……

2.  Equality in Relationships
….. want equality in relationships. They relate to mates as independent individuals, with lots of give-&-take together their needs met.
They’ve developed a capacity for both giving & accepting love, without turning their partner into a parent figure to feel secure (which comes from an imagined connection or fantasy bond) .

3.  Formulate & Implement Goals
….. identify their life’s priorities by developing goals & taking appropriate actions to achieve them. For the most part their actions fit their words.
In contrast, people living in child mode often overreact emotionally to events that are not actually important in the overall scheme of their life — while at the same time rarely handle events that are important or crucial to their well-being.

4. Non-defensiveness and Openness
…. want to develop an accurate self-concept –  aware of both positive & negative parts of their personalities – without self-judgement, & to form a realistic view of themself in relation to others. Pursuing self-knowledge helps to become aware of unconscious motivations, open to gently looking at that pat of their mental life, working to integrate it as much as realistically possible.

 Emotionally mature adults do not have defensive or angry reactions to getting unflattering feedback, & don’t automatically disagree with “negative” comments.  Instead, they’re open to exploring new ideas, & welcome constructive suggestions – if they agree, which expands their self-awareness.

5. Personal Power
….. take responsibility for their destiny by being in charge as much as realistically possible, having power (choices) over their conscious responses. NO ONE always has control over thoughts & feelings that come up automatically in everyday life.  But adults work at changing behaviors or attitudes they don’t like about themself.

6.  Rationality
….. have a strong sense of identity, so they live with integrity, according to their own principles & values.
They’re are not afraid to feel their emotions, but when actions are needed, they make rational decisions based on self-interest & moral concerns. As Murray Bowen observed, Adults “are able to distinguish between the feeling process & the intellectual process… and [have] the ability to choose their actions guided either by feelings or by thoughts.”

NEXT :

PREVIOIUS : ADULTING , #3

SITE : “20 Harsh Truths About Life After College”

HARSH TRUTHS about Adulting
✅ You’re not invincible
Guys – you may have great memories of skateboarding & kickboxing, & revel in showing off the scars you collected along the way. But the older you get, the less your body will be able to bounce back from the idiotic exuberances of youth. You’re going to have to pick your battles. Just because you might want to jump from the roof of the house to the garage doesn’t mean you should.

✅ You’re responsible for yourself
A shocking reality that many people need to face  is that all the little things you took for granted as a kid require actual effort on your part. When a light bulb burns out, there won’t magically be a new one waiting in a kitchen drawer. You actually have to go out & buy them (or order online). The same applies for food, medicine, and soap.

✅ Your metabolism is slower
Besides not being able to heal quickly, your body will become less efficient at turning food into energy, & will store more as fat. Just because you got through high school & college living on McDonald’s value menu doesn’t mean you still can. Cook some healthy meals. Run regularly. Your body will thank you.

✅ You will have less free time
One of the great injustices of the world is that as teenagers we had limitless time for imagining epic adventures, but no money to fund them. As adults, we may have the money to do what we want – but no time. “Seize the day” whenever you can & don’t be a workaholic. Life is about relationships & experiences, although the world will try to make you forget that.

✅ You will lose touch with people
You may have posed with your college roommates in front of someone’s Macbook & tag it with “BFF”, but that does not mean you’ll actually be friends forever. You will lose touch with many of the people you expected to be around forever. Your real best friends will stay & be loyal, but the rest will fade into the background.

✅ Patience is a virtue
We live in a world that breeds short attention spans & severely limits our ability to be patient. But the more you can wait for the good things, the better they’ll feel when they happen. From money to relationships to career goals, rushing to your next ‘great step’ or toward the finish line — is a sure way to miss out on many valuable lessons along the way, & cheapens the things you want to accomplish. Slow down.

✅ You will work for/with people you hate
Another great place to apply the whole ‘patience’ thing is at work. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, people you don’t like will find you. They’ll have a terrible sense of humor or no sense of humor at all. They’ll be spiteful & vindictive….. Do your best not to let them spoil you for the rest of us (who love you).

✅ Your interests will change
You’ll become a person that the high school version of you would have mercilessly made fun of. One of the most subtle & surprising things about growing up is that eventually you’ll find yourself watching a show about people buying a house, & comment with genuine interest on the material the countertops are made of or the level of  its curb appeal. It’s better to just accept this. It’s ok.

✅ Things will get monotonous
Routine is one of the easiest traps to fall into as an adult. Obviously it’s important, even a relief, to know what’s around the next corner, but don’t let your life get too boring. You’ll have to make a conscious effort to find new (interesting and healthy) things to spice up your days. Inertia is a hard thing to overcome, but it’s worth it.

✅ The world won’t slow down for you
Another harsh truth about the world is that it moves quickly. The march of progress demands that we all pull our weight, so if you can’t shake off the bad habits you picked up in school there won’t be anyone to make sure you keep up with the flow.

NEXT : ADULTING, #4

PREVIOUS : ADULTING #2

SITE:  “How Do You Develop Whole Object Relations as an Adult?”

SIGNS that You’re ‘Getting it Together’ (finally growing up)
🔅 You actually put effort into your appearance in the am, at least most days. Messy hair, chin stubble & yoga pants will only take you so far in this world. While your closet may not be like a high profile fashionista or in GQ magazine, you can still pull outfits together that make you look & feel good.

🔅 You’ve started taking care of your body
You finally get what people were trying to tell you all those years growing up : You will not always be able to eat what you want without gaining weight or staying fit. Physical appearance aside, you’re starting to take your health seriously .  You may not enjoy everything it entails, but you accept it – eventually seeing & feeling the benefits

🔅 Don’t worry anymore about over-drafting your checking
While you may not be living a luxurious lifestyle, or aren’t as comfortable as you’d wish, you’ve got enough to make rent every month & also have a social life. You’ve finally gotten smart about budgeting & spending, even of that means having someone help you figure it out

🔅 Don’t suffer from FOMO. (fear of missing out =  anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, without you)
You still enjoy joining the gang once in  a while, but regularly hanging out at the bar until 3am has gotten boring & not good for you the next day.  So you’re not weighed down with anxiety & despair when you decide to opt out more often.

🔅 Can answer – “So, what do you like to do for fun?”
It’s okay that you still hate being asked, because it sounds like you’re being treated as a kid. But since you’re able to fill your free time with enjoyable activities of your own choice , you can actually give an acceptable & mature answer.
And it’s okay if you throw in an occasional exaggerations (you ‘like working out’, when you really just go to yoga twice a month….). Whether this Q comes at you from potential employers or distant relatives, you are (are becoming) a well-rounded, grounded person who definitely does not spend all your spare time on social media & Netflix binges (wink).

🔅 Don’t constantly dump negativity & emotional baggage on anyone who will listen
The older you get, the more you accept that everyone has something to worry about – student loans, a mediocre job, an unstable relationship….
Every day there are lots of stressors (family, jobs, friends, finances & impending life-crises to deal with). The healthiest people know how to keep complaints to a minimum, face their issues, get the right kind of support & find more productive ways to spend their time & energy

🔅 Don’t get upset if someone doesn’t like you
You’re finally realizing when someone doesn’t deserve your time or are taking advantage of you. You have a good group of friends who know you, so no longer need to any spent time with superficial or judgmental people. There aren’t that many ‘good ones’ out there – so acknowledging anyone who doesn’t like or appreciate you just makes the weeding-out process easier!

🔅 Don’t chase anyone for attention
You’ve come to realize that anyone who needs to be pushed to make time for you – because they actually want to – isn’t worth your time.

🔅 You have (at least) some accomplishments you’re proud of
Your life has meaning, you’re proud of your actions, & are not ashamed to talk about who you are. You’ve acknowledged your skills & strengths, & found a way to use them, making definite strides toward goals. You may still have a ways to go toward your dream job, but with clear plans & perseverance, you’re moving forward.

🔅 You realize some things are out of your control, & it’s ok
You’re making peace with the fact that, as much as you’d wish, life is going to throw you situations you don’t know how to handle. You’ll still make mistakes or fail sometimes, but then pick yourself up & get back on track. (resilience)
Being open to useful changes encourages progress. But while it’s important to follow our dreams so our life is fulfilling, it’s also important get thru the ‘downs’.  Adults aren’t easily discouraged!

NEXT : ADULTING, #5

PREVIOUS : ADULTING, #1

SITEs : “How to Be Grown Up”   (detailed info)
☆ People share what makes them feel like a proper adult

GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS of ADULTS

🔸 Legal Age: typically defined as someone who has reached the age of majority, which varies by country (16, 18 , 21)

🔸 Emotional Maturity: should have emotional stability, with the ability to handle stress & relationships maturely

🔸 Independence: generally expected to be self-sufficient & capable of making their own decisions

🔸 Responsibility: involves taking responsibility for one’s actions & their consequences

🔸 Health Management: responsible for their own health and well-being, including making informed medical decisions

🔸 Financial Management: often expected to manage their finances, including budgeting & paying bills

🔸 Career Development: usually involved in their careers, pursuing professional growth & contributing to society

🔸 Civic Duties: have the right & responsibility to participate in civic duties, such as voting & community engagement

🔸 Personal Relationships: tend to be in more complex personal relationships, including romantic partnerships & parenting.

🔸 Lifelong Learning: Being an adult often involves a commitment to continuous personal & professional development.

EXAMPLES
🔹 Rationality
 Adults experience their emotions, but when it comes to their actions, they make rational decisions on the basis of moral concerns and self-interest. Murray Bowen observed :  “adults are able to distinguish between the feeling process & the intellectual process … with the ability to choose between having their functioning guided by feelings (emotions) or by thoughts.” They have a strong sense of identity,  & strive to live with integrity, according to their own principles & values.

🔹 Formulate & Implement Goals
 Adults develop goals & take the appropriate actions to achieve them,  establishing their priorities. In contrast, people living in a child’s frame of reference often overreact emotionally to minor events that are insignificant in the overall scheme of life (making mountains out of molehills) Voice Therapy, while not dealing with events that are important or crucial to their well-being. Because adults tend to pursue their goals & priorities consistently & realistically, their actions are more likely to correspond to their words. (“I do what I say”)

🔹 Equality in Relationships
 Adults want equality in their relationships, whereas those who operate from a child’s perspective often assume the role of either the parent or the child in relation to their loved ones. Instead, people whose actions mainly come from the adult mode —> relate to each other as independent entities, with enough reciprocity to get theirs legitimate human & personality needs met.  They’ve developed the capacity to both give & accept love, so don’t try to turn their partner into a parent figure for emotional safety & financial security (by holding on to an imagined connection or fantasy bond).

🔹 Active versus Passive
 Adults are proactive & self-assertive, rather than passive & dependent. They don’t feel victimized by life, & don’t complain or dump their problems on others. Instead, they face challenges directly & work out solutions rather than waiting on others for direction. They ask for the right kind of help for what they actually need, such as for important life-tasks they lack expertise in, as well as in relation to unresolved emotional needs from the past.

🔹 Non-defensive and Open
Emotionally mature people do not have defensive or angry reactions to unflattering feedback, or not automatically disagreeing with negative comments. They’re able to stand up for themself when being misunderstood or accused wrongly. They’re also they’re open to exploring new ideas & accept constructive suggestions, which helps to expand their self-knowledge & self-awareness.

SHORT FORM “Rules” for ADULTS
✐ Find your true purpose
✐ Follow your core values & don’t worry about what others think
✐ Approach the world with confidence and purpose
✐ Take responsibility for your actions

☆ Make a five-year plan for your life
☆ Take control of your finances
☆ Find a mentor to act as a role model
☆ Seek positive feedback so you can improve

☆ Keep your mind sharp by learning new skills
☆ Keep your living area clean and tidy
☆ Maintain good personal hygiene
☆ Clothes – Invest in a more mature, classic style

☆ Show empathy to others
☆ Treat others with politeness and respect
☆Volunteer in your community.

 NEXT : ADULTING –  #3

PREVIOUS : Spiritually-based Depression HEALNG (#2)

SITE : “Why Is Adulting So Freaking Hard These Days?”

POSTs  :  Adult EGO STATES 

IMP : These next posts are meant to identify & define the healthiest forms of being a mature adult, not just physical – but in PMES ways.
Adulting means that the WIC (wounded Inner child) is NOT in charge but rather your UNIT is, as well as the Healthy Inner Child part of you – ie. the whole True Self.

We can OWN how much of these characteristics we already practice in our daily life,  and the rest we can work toward – depending on which ones suit us the best. Remember ODAT, even OMAT when under stress. (More….)

Scientists say that we’re not adults until we hit our thirties, but even then we have to leave room for individual differences.
What do they mean when someone talks about “being an adult”?
Basically 2 opposite approaches – responsible & irresponsible adulthood – either :   a) setting aside “childish” ways, or
b) rebelling against the lack of freedom in childhood

A types believe that being an adult means eating healthfully, being financially responsible, dressing to meet the expectations of others, flossing regularly, servicing their vehicle regularly…..

B types have determined that adulthood means : you can eat candy for breakfast, drink too much, fail to keep careful track of finances, stay up late, play hours of video games all day, skip dental cleanings for 3 years, order the steak instead of the salad ….

NOTE: This does NOT mean that these people are irresponsible to the point of lawlessness, although some are. It just means their careless or self-harming actions are not the “best” long-term choices.

All children feel deeply, but usually can’t act or protest externally in their own defense.
When unhealed people experience the world in “child mode”, they continue to feel powerless & at the mercy of others, as well as overwhelmed by their own emotional reactions. In the inner world of the adult-child, they feel helpless & totally dependent, the victim of negative circumstances – supposedly – beyond their control.

The major deterrent to living as an adult comes from the fear of “growing up” – of breaking imagined connections with parents, being alone, standing out as an individual, having a strong point of view, recognizing one’s value, & confronting the inevitability of death – the ultimate separation from Self.  Many people have a strong desire to hold on to fantasy bonds or unrealistic connections to family & others who are symbolic substitutes – anyone who seems to offer safety. But this comes at a great cost to their personal growth. To live like a child in an adult world is a defense against death anxiety.

REVIEW : The reality for many ACoAs is that we didn’t get very good guidance for how to prosper as a physical grownup – missing positive role models to learn from. Before listing the characteristics of Adulthood, let’s look at some ways childhood trauma impacts adulthood :

🕴🏻 Avoidance : Tend to avoid situations or people that trigger unhealed memories of trauma
🕴🏻Denial : Suppressed or “white washed” painful childhood events
🕴🏻Dysfunctional Relationship : Patterns of unhealthy connections, including fear of intimacy &/or repeating abusive attachments

🕴🏻Emotional Dysregulation: Rarely able to manage emotions, run by intense anger, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness ….
🕴🏻Low Self-Esteem: Blaming oneself for all their pain& a persistent sense of inadequacy, from childhood abuse & neglect
🕴🏻Mental Health Issues: Increased risk of anxiety, depression, PTSD….
🕴🏻Physical Health Troubles : Higher likelihood of chronic health issues due to stress & unresolved trauma

🕴🏻Reenacting Damage: In adulthood – unconsciously repeating thoughts, actions & choices copied from early experiences
🕴🏻Substance Abuse: Increased risk of using drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism for emotional pain
🕴🏻Trust Issues: Unable to trust oneself & afraid to trust others, becoming isolated or having strained relationships
🕴🏻Weak Boundaries: Trouble setting & maintaining personal boundaries with Self & in relationships (from Google AI list)
(See Part 5 for Inner Child growth)

NEXT  : Adulting, #2

PREVIOUS : Spiritually Based Healing (#3a) 

3. HEALING, RECOVERY (cont)
Loma Linda University Health discovered that we can reduce our risk for depression & anxiety through positive religious practice.
The research team found that direct health benefits are living longer, lower blood pressure, & lowering the risk for depression and anxiety.
It’s helpful to know is that there are two different types of “religiosity” – extrinsic and intrinsic. Numerous studies relate each to a variety of fundamental topics such as coping styles, guilt, fear of death, narcissism, many types of religious experiences, cognitive processes, & forms of prejudice.

☆ Intrinsic religiosity focuses on others, rather than on ourself, & is beneficial to our health.  As an end in itself, it was Allport’s view of mature religion, characterized by a lack of prejudiced.

Such practitioners ask : “How can I help someone else have a great day today?” and then take appropriate action where possible.
Also : What benefits can I find in my hard times & crises? What are possible good outcomes? ”

They ask: What support can I seek from God when faced with life’s troubles ?  In very stressful times, when Saul was trying to kill young David, he was comforted by his faith:  “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.”’ Ps 9:9
“I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me & heard my cry.”  Ps 40:1  

★ Extrinsic religiosity is doing religious things because the person thinks they’ll get something out of it. Their ‘beliefs’ are lightly held, or selectively shaped to fit basic human rather than spiritual needs. Such people may pray in order to relieve their own suffering, claiming ‘beliefs’ they use to form or maintain social networks, while barely adhering to the teachings of that religion..
☁︎ Gordon Allport’s studies found that extrinsic religiosity typically correlates with prejudice & dysfunctional psychological constructs (mental ideas such as beauty, love, happiness, justice….)

Addressing spiritual depression often requires a holistic approach – combining psychological, emotional, & spiritual support – to find meaning & purpose.  According to a 2018 studyTrusted Source, there are 4 main indicators & strategies for spiritual health that foster a connection with Inner peace & outer joyfulness, countering spiritual depression.

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NEXT :  MBTI – 

PREVOUS : Spiritual Depression (#2)

1. Psychological depression

2. SPIRITUAL depression
3. HEALING, RECOVERY
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34 :18  

🌅 Spiritual depression seems to happen to those on a path to self-realization, or to those curious about what is truly going on inside. To keep growing, you have to see how you’re holding yourself back. Going  through “a dark night of the soul” provides an opportunity to let go of what is no longer useful – all the ways you protect yourself & resist life.
And when the superfluous is shed, a tremendous peace is uncovered.

Steps to Survive a Dark Night of the Soul (w/ details)
💓 Let the Old Die – beliefs, conditioning, opinions, attachments, teachers, books, places. When you let go, you discover you were never in control.

💓 Welcome the Darkness – No matter how scary letting go is, at some point you may come to realize that what is falling away is actually no longer needed

💓 Write Your Thoughts – This allows you to see the mental patterns you’ve been stuck in. It make it clear to identify the main theme of your dark night, to do with money, security, need to be loved…

💓 Notice What Works – Emotions (feelings) are important – actually crucial – & that negative thoughts are a serious distraction. To come out of the darkness & have tremendous breakthroughs, you must go into the hidden painful emotions that have been poisoning your soul

💓 Nourish Your Soul – Relaxation is key. Go easy on yourself during this time. Admit what you most feel like doing – take a walk, learn something new, pick up your hobby?
Don’t judge. Trust your Inner guidance, & stay aware of when you’re distracting too much from feelings.

💓 Marinate in Presence – Stay in the now as much as possible – being acutely aware of what your 5 senses are telling you. This is the pain-body which seems especially activated during a spiritual depression, & will help to keep in touch with feelings.

💓 Move & Breathe – We live in these biological bodies that need to be taken care of. When you feel worse, you move less. And as you move less, you feel worse. Instead – Keep the energy flowing. Exercise & deliberate breathing helps release stuck energy, plus releases feel-good chemicals

💓 Bathe in Nutrition – Do your best to eat healthy foods during this time – it will positively  fuel your body & brain, which helps lift your mood & energy. Add supplements, green tea…

💓 Ask for Help – Look for & use the various types that suits you. Be open to new ways of see your life can help brings in needed energy. It means surrendering the belief that controlling everything will make you happy.

💓  Follow Your Excitement – You may not have the energy to do much, but can still feel drawn to certain things – as if your heart, or Inner GPS, knows what you need. It will made a difference.

💓 One Day at a Time – Be kind to yourself. One day at a time is all we have. And one-moment-at-a-time is how the darkness is survived. You will get through this, even while resisting & avoiding everything, trying to get back to your old life. That life is  on its way out!
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NEXT : Healing , #3b

PREVIOUS : Spiritually-Based Depression (#1)

SITE : “What is Spiritual Depression?“- in more detail

♥️ re. sad psalms of David 

1. Psychological depression

2. SPIRITUAL depression

Definition: Spiritual depression refers to a state of emotional & spiritual distress or disconnection from one’s beliefs or sense of purpose. It’s feeling distant from Higher Power, & can be triggered by guilt, trauma, or existential questioning.

It may be a reaction to coming from a religious background, such as rebelling against rigid family & community rules, projecting abusive parents onto the Higher Power (“parentilizing” ones Deity). Also, ones own unrealistic or unmet spiritual expectations (perfectionism) & an ignorance or misunderstanding about who God actually is.

People struggling with spiritual depression have trouble, or an inability, to connect with others around them. Overcome by painful emotions, such as anger, anxiety, despair, guilt, self-doubt…. they tend to withdraw from society. Various physical symptoms often start showing up, like insomnia or general exhaustion, digestive problems & colitis…..

From Protestant minister D. M. Lloyd-Jones’s book “Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cures”: Spiritual depression dates far back in human history, into Bible times.

EXP : ❤️‍🩹 In Psalm 42, the writer asks, “Why are thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? (ANS”) Hope thou in God.”

In Ps 6:6-7, David moans: 💔 “I am worn out from my groaning.  All night long I flood my bed with weeping & drench my couch with tears….. My God, why are you so far from my cries of anguish?  BUT finally concludes :  “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.”

Spiritual depression is more common than we may think. Studies show that up to 50% of practicing Christians will experience a depressive episode related to their spirituality at some point.
A more general US study found that found that 15% of the general population have been struggling with spiritual depression, which may include mental health issues. It left such individuals feeling separate from the rest of the population, even though they are not actually suffering alone.

While recovery may require time & professional support, we can reconnect with God through prayer & reading God’s word about Himself.
Also by developing connections with ourself, others & nature, since these contribute significantly to revitalizing our spiritual life. (See Part 3)

ALSO
🧎🏽‍♂️‍➡️excessive rumination (obsession), repetitive dark, hopeless or negative thoughts (self-hate)
🧎🏽‍♂️‍➡️ trouble moving on from childhood trauma (abuse, neglect)
🧎🏽‍♂️‍➡️ preexisting mental issues (anxiety, autism, severe ADD, neuro-diverse )
🧎🏽‍♂️‍➡️ unable to forgive oneself for past wrongdoings or “sins” (idealism)

NOTE: Sin is one of the leading causes of spiritual depression – going against one’s God-given conscience, & disobeying any of the 10 commandments.
Everyone develops coping strategies for depression, but those who deliberately, continually disregard spiritual rules make matters worse for themself. It brings on more emotional pain, as the guilt of those unhealthy actions & thoughts pulls one further away from our God.
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General Depressive symptoms
√ emotional numbness (dissociation)
√ constant emotional pain —  frustrated, irritable, hopeless, deeply lonely, powerless, sad, worthless….
√ lack of desire to do things once enjoyed, suicidal thoughts or attempts
√ physical problems – little energy, tired all the time, headaches, trouble sleeping and eating, with stomach aches, unplanned weight changes

NEXT : Spiritual depression HEALING  (Part 3)

PREVIOUS : P.M.E.S. & Self-Care (S-C)

SITE :

STUDIES show that spirituality has many positive influences on our life. One such identifies spirituality by 5 factors :
🔆 Becoming = the progress that one makes throughout life
🔆 Connection = with oneself, other people, & a supreme or higher power such as God or the Universe
🔆 Meaning = what one gives importance & significance to
🔆 Transcendence = experiences that go beyond what seem “normal”
🔆 Value = what one gives value to

☺︎ “Meaning” refers to the significance or interpretation of something – what it basically represents or signifies. it’s a way to identify the inherent good something possesses, & that matters if it can be satisfying all by itself. (Research in the Journal of Personality & Social Psychology)

A UK study led by Vlad Costin defined meaning as : “providing us with the sense that our lives matter, that they make sense & are more than the sum of our seconds, days & years. ….. It is the web of connections, understanding & interpretations that help us comprehend our experience, & formulate plans directing our energies to the achievement of our desired future.”

☺︎ “Values ” are the fundamental beliefs & personal qualities that guide or motivate our attitudes & actions. Values bring meaning to our life, the things we care deeply about & the basis for the choices we make. They indicate the way we treat ourself & others, & our interaction with the world around us. They are not things we achieve or possess, but more like directions we take in order to be a good person & have a worthwhile existence.  (More….).

However, in relation to these 5 factors, there is no universally accepted definition. So when a person experiences a loss of faith or connection to God or a Higher Power, it can look different for each person. Also, clinical depression can morph into spiritual depression, overlapping, which results in a loss of joy about one’s life. This combination can suggest mental health issues, such as having debilitating depressive disorder (lasting 2 weeks or more, occurring nearly every day).

1. Psychological depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness & loss of interest – trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, & sometimes feeling that life isn’t worth living. But it’s not just a bout of the blues, not a weakness & one can’t simply “snap out” of it.

⬇️  CHART shows association between environmental & genetic risk factors –  for the onset of depression in adolescence – cause by the brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) .  Relative BDNF levels peak in early adolescence & gradually decrease with age.
Abnormal BDNF expression due to genetic & environmental factors during adolescence may trigger onset of depression,  leading to chronic & severe symptoms, with a risk of having a smaller prefrontal cortex & hippocampus, which can cause susceptibility to mood disorders.
Symptoms may include sadness, irritability, feeling worthless, negative thoughts, anger, poor performance or poor attendance at school, feeling misunderstood & extremely sensitive, using recreational drugs or alcohol, eating or sleeping too much, self-harm, loss of interest in normal activities, and avoidance of social interaction.

Depression in Seniors : It’s not a normal part of aging, so should never be taken lightly. Unfortunately, it often goes undiagnosed & untreated, since many can be reluctant to seek help. Symptoms are similar to those at any age, but can also include:
♦︎ Memory difficulties or personality changes
♦︎ More overall physical aches, pain or fatigue
♦︎ Sleep problems &/or loss of interest in sex
♦︎ Wanting to stay at home, rather than to socialize or do new things
♦︎ Suicidal thinking or feeling, especially in older men

♥︎ Brain chemistry. Neurotransmitters are naturally occurring chemicals that likely play a role in depression. Research indicates that changes in their function & effect — how they interact with neuro-circuits involved in maintaining mood stability — play a significant role in causing depression & its treatment

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REVIEW

🔆 The TRUE SELF is your ‘native’ personality, unique to YOU (even if you’re a twin), also called the ‘Natural, Free or Unadapted‘ part of the Inner Child.
💚 At its healthiest, it develops into the Adult, which becomes our Executive part. Reminder – for the Adult to be truly functional, it must be relatively free of Cognitive Distortions. BTW – 3 most common unhealed ACA distortions are : B & W thinking, Self-Hate & Mind-reading which leads to Confusion.

The Adapted Child is a core part of us that molds itself to our environment – from the young’s legitimate need to fit in, to learn what’s expected of them, for acceptance & for safety.
** In a reasonably healthy family, this normal Child ego state manages to adapt itself to whatever their culture is, but still retains its natural preferences, which gradually gets express as the child matures – without guilt or separation anxiety !

💔 Sadly, for anyone growing up in an alcoholic & narcissistic family, as our Adapted part absorbs the surrounding dysfunction, it becomes The Wounded Inner Child (WIC), also called the False Self.
(↗️ Post includes ‘True Self’. Review the 2 aspects as Ego States. Also in this chart). (LIST ↘️)
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PERSONAL ASSESSMENT
To do this exercise well, the focus needs to be on the qualities & characteristics of our True Self.  These can be gathered by having thoroughly done several personal inventories, combining the part of each which best apply to you. It’s normal to find contradictory characteristics, which need to get accepted & interwoven by the UNIT to make a WHOLE unique you.

🩶 Remember : the truest parts of us are the ones our Pig Parent don’t want the WIC to own & acknowledge, who believes its trauma training – making it terrified to accept our natural qualities. So stay awake & don’t let it bully you into denying them! Keep saying : “I don’t Agree” with demeaning comments.

CHARTS : Use each bubble as a guide to identify what you know about yourself so far – writing a separate inventory for each.  BASE it on your years of Recovery / therapy, and use your MBTI & Enneagram designations, Numerology, Astrology, O.C.E.A.N. characteristic…. Add all the valid, positive observations / comments / opinions from others about you that you’ve also noticed & agree with.

BUBBLES : IGNORE any issues in each category that don’t apply & add any left out. Don’t try to do them all at once. Start easy – taking one bubble at a time, & one category at a time. As you continue to Heal & Grow, you’ll be able to add more facts about who God made you.
If it helps, list what you know about yourself (skills, natural talents & tendencies….) into PMES  ↗️ or T.E.A. categories.

NO self-hate or recriminations allowed. Be honest and KIND!
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NEXT : Spiritually-based Depression – #1