PREVIOUS : Improve Communications (#1)

Type 5: Whether you’re communicating verbally or in writing, try to fill it out a bit more by Including feelings as well as facts & information. Try to withdraw less often & stay engaged with coworkers a little more.

For Managers : Give 5s the time & space they need for themselves, but encourage them to communicate openly with others & maintain relationships.

Conflict Resolution : Try to maintain some emotional stability while arguing. 5s like to keep to the facts of a situation and will detach when emotions get too heated. Walk away from the argument if you are to emotional as you will be unlikely to get a response. Tell them that your feelings are hurt without expecting them to do something about it (they become angry when there are emotional expectations). Don’t let them use knowledge or arrogance as a weapon and remind them you are a person not a robot or computer.
🔰
Type 6: When you communicate, reduce the number of words that indicate fear, anxiety & worry. When describing or explaining a negative task or event, also include positive options or solutions. Manage your anxiety using tools like meditation, so you can keep the ability to make clear, rational decisions.

For Managers : Encourage 6s to face their fears head-on, or help them relax & see the humor in situations

Conflict Resolution : Admit any ulterior motives. Try to stay calm but don’t dismiss them, Find common ground and allay their fears of abandonment or anger. Do not get lost in their arguing circle, if it feels like a marathon walk away. Hold your opinion but don’t be stubborn about seeing their point of view. Do not insult their intelligence or flatter or appease them. Don’t try to win, this will only escalate the argument. Don’t tell a 6 to calm down.
🔰
Type 7: Practice attentive listening, & resist the urge to interrupt. Focus on what others are telling you about themselves. Work on balancing your positive outlook with moderate, realistic, even negative possibilities – to be prepared.

For Managers : Help 7s achieve a balance between idealism & practicality, without dampening their enthusiasm & passion. Encourage them to take their good ideas to completion.

Conflict Resolution : Try to allow them their space but hold them to a time when the conflict can be resolved, 7s will flee at difficulty and let them know how this affects your relationship.

If they try to leave ask them to set aside time for you to discuss it (5s like this too). Don’t harp too much on what they are doing wrong or they’ll shut down. Don’t sugar coat things but try to reframe things so they can take in the information without feeling too threatened.
🔰
Type 8: Be a bit warmer & more personal with coworkers, & less formal with supervisors. Start communications with a friendly greeting. Listen more, practice patience & restrain your urge to lead every conversation & meeting.

For Managers : Teach 8s not to use anger as a weapon. Show them constant care in order to teach them empathy by example

Conflict Resolution : Stand your ground and do not waiver in your opinion. They want someone who can hold their own against them. 8s will spar with people they love to test their strength.
Try to set ground rules in an argument with an 8 and don’t be afraid to let them know if they hurt your feelings (this often surprises them). Try not to react to their intimidation tactics but don’t egg them on either.
🔰
Type 9: Admit to yourself what you think & feel. Then you can be more direct & take a clear stand on issues. If you disagree or don’t want to do something, say that directly to the relevant person. Learn healthy ways to deal with conflict – as a way to achieve harmony.

For Managers – Help 9s create structure in their life, so they can focus better on their priorities. Encourage them to take healthy risks.

Conflict Resolution : Don’t attack aggressively or take a blaming tone, they will tune you out. Try to acknowledge that they want to find a point of agreement between the two of you.

9s will be afraid of your anger & may become stubborn or withdraw when you begin to show your anger. Assure them that your anger doesn’t mean that you don’t like/love them anymore (unless of course you don’t) but that it’s important to resolve this issue.
🔰
NEXT : Ennea – contrasting types

PREVIOUS : Ennea-type Communication at WORK (Part 2)

Employee communication styles differ a lot based on where a person’s puts their attention. What might make one person impatient & frustrated in a working relationship will be required, even imperative to someone else. It’s important to remember that there is no ‘better’ or ‘worse’ Ennea-type or communication style. Diversity is key, because that helps make the best teams.

How to IMPROVE Your Communication 

Type 1:  Try to lead conversations with a positive observation, & close them on a positive note. Practice active listening. Ask others about their ideas & how they get things done – which might be different from how you would. You’ll build trust when you genuinely try to understand & accept others.

For Managers : Encourage 1s to be less critical of themselves & negative about others. Invite them to share responsibilities or delegate. Teach them to accept what can’t be changed

Conflict Resolution : To prevent escalation, don’t say they’re wrong, incorrect, or bad. Instead – acknowledge you heard their opinion, while holding your ground. Help them see how they’re expressing anger, & being hurtful. Remember that 1s have a fear of their own anger.
🔰
Type 2: It’s fine that you love to form personal connections, but don’t lose your objectivity. Stay focused on work topics rather than someone’s personal life. Practice emotional boundaries (disengagement) to make the most of your work time & minimize people-pleasing, as it can lead to mixed messages.

For Managers : Help 2s let go of the need to fix everyone’s problems & sorrows. Encourage them to prioritize their own needs, rather than always putting everyone else first

Conflict Resolution : Assure the 2 that their efforts are valued & appreciate, but their actions are their own choice. Remind the 2 that you want them to take care of themselves, because their anger often comes from the false belief that they have to take care of others in order to deserve love & acceptance. Acknowledge their feelings, but don’t react to tantrums.
🔰
Type 3: Slow down! It’s legitimate & beneficial for everyone if you take a few minutes at the beginning of a conversation to connect on a human level. You’ll get more out of meetings if you do. Work on managing your impatience with others, using practical tools like taking long deep breaths, when you start getting frustrated.

For Managers : To help 3s grow, show them that they have value as an individual, not just as a productive employee.

Conflict Resolution : Set aside a pre-determined amount of time to discuss problems. Don’t allow them to smooth things over with a promise to change or apologies for ‘not knowing’. Appreciate the hard work they put in, but emphasize the important of relationships. Encourage expression of emotions rather than “just the facts”, which is the communication tool they us to avoid feeling too much.

🔰
Type 4: Practice leaning into logic & rationally based information – to balance your natural alignment with emotions. Try to stay engaged with others – even in activities & conversations you feel are trivial, boring & mundane. Listen attentively. When you speak, try not to use the word “I.”

For Managers : Give 4s a safe space to express their emotions, but teach them to balance extremes. Help them see the impact their actions have on others.

Conflict Resolution : Don’t try to have a completely rational discussion without any emotional content – they won’t be listening. Recognize their intuitive insight, while still sticking to your own personal truth.

4s like to tell other people everything they’re feeling, & they’re usually on the right track. BUT don’t let their histrionics or emotional outbursts drive you away. Take a time-out if necessary so that everyone’s emotions can calm down. Let the 4 know if you’ve been hurt too, & that your feelings are just as important as theirs.
🔰
NEXT : 

PREVIOUS : Communication at WORK (Part 1)

WORK STYLE Communication
Type 1-5 (in Part 1)

Type 6
As a Six – your communication style tends to be caring, compassionate, & engaged – witty & warm. You’re excellent at considering & assessing options which you express thoughtfully to your teammates. It’s also true, however, that you believe you must figure things out on your own.

Carrying the weight of that (unrealistic) responsibility can make you anxious & doubt yourself, so it harder to inspire confidence in others.
The challenge is to remember that you’re not actually alone – you’re a part of a team. Find people you trust to use as an accurate barometer of you ideas, when you need reassurance.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Six, remember that the more secure they feel, the more relaxed their thinking will be. Avoid putting them on the spot without warning or time to prepare (they need to reflect & balance all possibilities). Whenever possible, help them believe that they’re supported by the team, & that it’s not all on them to make things happen.

Type 7
As a Seven – your communication style is often described as energetic, optimistic & enthusiastic! You have a gift for generative thinking, for envisioning & opening up possibilities. Some of your challenges are about needing to follow through & fill in details.

Also, your preference for starting things (projects, ideas…) can frustrate people who are more methodical or who like to go “deep.” To these team members you can seem scattered or unfocused, like a hummingbird.
Watch for signs that you overwhelm others with so many possibilities. Check to see if you’re connected to colleagues even when you each have different responsibilities & strengths. If not, slow down.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Seven, try to embrace the joyful energy of their unbridled curiosity. Look for ways to channel it so it serves the group. Partner a 7 with teammates who are good at putting their ideas into form, rather than expecting the 7 to do it alone. 7s usually shy away from difficult topics, so let them know that negativity isn’t always bad, & when dealt with thoughtfully, it can eventually lead to clarity & agreement.

Type 8
As an Eight – your communication tends to be honest, direct, & assertive. You have a reputation for being generous & loyal to people on your teams. You can be a fierce advocate, & winning your praise can feel like winning the lottery. It’s also true that your commitment to directness can come across as brusque, demanding, even intimidating, which can make teammates retreat to feel safe.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with an Eight, remember that they value directness & welcome being challenged – because it shows where they stand. They appreciate coworkers who can join with them                                                                                                to debate /discuss/ problem-solve honestly. So, take a risk to be bold & straightforward. Chances are you’ll be met with enthusiasm & find new ways to collaborate.

Type 9
As a Nine, your communication style tends to be calming & inclusive. You naturally avoid conflict & choose your written or spoken words carefully, so you don’t offend anyone. Your gift of seeing all perspectives makes you a natural mediator on any team, smoothing out misunderstandings & building connections.

Your challenge is to prepare how well you communicate needs & ideas, so people are clear about where you stand. If you find yourself running on & on, or accommodating each member of your audience, check in with yourself to make sure you have ‘permission’ to say what you really mean. Are it clear, or just trying to be acceptable to your audience? Take the risk of being declarative: “Here’s what I think.”

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Nine, let them know you really want to understand what they feel or think. Help them “bottom line”it if they’re rambling on about all possible parts of an issue. Gently ask, “What do you think it means?” or, “What do you believe we should do?” Help them trust the creative potential in having courageous conversations about hard topics. Conflict can be very scary, but it doesn’t need be destructive.

NEXT : Improve Communications (#2)

PREVIOUS : Communication styles (8, 9)

Type 1
🔊As a One – you value clarity, directness, being fair, & listening to all voices. Your challenge is to not be judgmental, & too quick to share your own opinions – from the belief that they’re always “right”! Pause & check your motives. ASK:
Am I inadvertently shutting others down?
Do I always thinking I know best? Is this true?
Watch the tendency to dominate, & how often you use the word “should.”

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a One, you can lean on them for well-articulated, decisive, clear thinking. If you’re having trouble being heard by a One who thinks s/he is right, try the phrase, “That’s interesting. I see it a bit differently…” & then explain your perspective, inviting the curious One to explore it with you.
🔰
Type 2
As a Two – you’re most at ease using warm, generous, caring language. You love to help & freely offer it, great at giving positive reinforcement & encouragement. Your communication challenge is to not slip into being manipulative or needy – when your suggestions are not used.
Watch for insisting that people agree with your ideas. Take a breath & remember how good it feels to give unconditionally & watch others thrive.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Two, you can trust that they genuinely want to be of service. But if their good-intentions become boundary invasive, thank them for their effort, acknowledging that they care. Then ask for their patience and some time – while you try it a different way
🔰
Type 3
As a Three – your preference is to be clear, solutions-oriented & pragmatic. You value achievement & reaching goals, which allow you to feel good about yourself. Your challenge is to not come across as impatient, sharp or self-promoting, which can put colleagues off.
Watch that your ability to produce – can be at the expense of listening to others or not bringing them along with you.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Three, you know their amazing gift for getting things done. Let them know you value that & appreciate all they’re doing. If  they push you too hard, invite them to step back & take a breath. Affirm that you share the desire to achieve their goal, but that additional considerations may be required to get there.
🔰
Type 4
As a Four – your style reflects your appreciation for being thoughtful, reflective & attuned to others. You have a gift for helping people appreciate subtlety & emotional nuance, with an able to stay with the hard places in a conversation, if needed.

Your challenge is to not over-use the talent for creative expression – which can frustrate others who need a more direct approach. EXP : You can be long-winded & relying on metaphors, which leaves some to scratch their heads wondering “What do they want me to do?” Watch how you write & talk. Combine your artistic style with clear statements or requests.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Four, know that their sensitivity can sometimes make them moody or withdrawn. Don’t take this personally or judge them, but instead check in to make a connection by asking how they’re doing. Tell them you noticed they’re a little remote at the moment & invite them to share their ideas, without trying to manage their mood
🔰
Type 5
As a Five – you have a gift for seeing the big picture in all its complexity. You’re deeply curious, excited by & engaged in learning. Internally – you’re constantly reflecting, wondering, & chewing on things that interest you. Your mental wheels are keep turning, which can take a lot of energy.

Your challenge it to not get too remote & emotionally unavailable. Instead, ask how team members are, what they’re working on or thinking about.
AND – you assume you have to “solve” everything on your own.
Instead, ask for practical suggestions – chances are they’ll gladly offer them.

📢 Colleagues: If you work with a Five, remember they can self-isolate. Give them space, but also make it easy for them to connect to the group. Invite them to share thoughts on a topic or issue. Note that saying “What are your thoughts on this…. ?” is a better way to approach a Five – rather than “What’s going on with you right now?” which can feel intrusive.
🔰
NEXT: WORK Communication (#2)

PREVIOUS : Talk Styles (6,7)

Ennea-type 8’s style is commanding & authoritative, often experienced as confrontational or overly assertive. Their talk style is just to say – how things are – & who should be doing what.
Also, they tends to be loud. They have something to say, they know it, & don’t care who hears.
They’re the one in the restaurant who says inappropriate or inflammatory things so loudly that they get looks from other diners.

When they speak, there’s a finality to it. The interesting thing is that it’s so sharp that it almost invites challenge, like they’re daring anyone to call BS. And if you do, you’re just as likely to earn their respect as to earn a loud tongue lashing.

If an 8 wants to initiate a breakup, it’s going to have that same finality. They don’t want their partner to try convincing them to stay. They’ve made up their mind. This is how it’s going to be. By the nature the 8, won’t have a lot of room for the partner’s vulnerability. they might say: “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. We’re over.”

No mention of “I think” or “I feel” or “maybe.” Just that they don’t want it, so it’s done. And re. the setting for this conversation, it could be anywhere. Public, private, wedding, funeral. Whatever it is, it won’t be done in a whisper.

IN BIZ : Protector – 8s are good at taking charge of their environment, knowing how to mobilize to get things done. They make good leaders, & will stand up for the people & positions they care about.
CHALLENGE : to moderate forcefulness, become adaptable in different situations, & avoid creating unnecessary conflict.
♦️
Ennea-type 9’s style is epic saga or meandering. Not being urgent people, they like to see the big picture & take their time. They’re talented at seeing all elements, which is why they become the social mastermind of whatever group they’re in.

9s hate confrontation, so they’ve learned how to read between the lines. Since they’re very good at picking up on details, when they talk, it can be mostly all details. Going off on tangents can be very frustrating (especially tp 1s & 8s), who may react:  “Can we get back to what you were talking about before?” Or “What’s your point?”

The 9’s talk style is other-focused because that’s where their attention is. Their speech can express indecisiveness, by arguing both sides.  Always see all points of every argument, they have a hard time deciding which side they’re on. Especially since taking a side will lead to disagreement. (Oh no!)

If a 9 wants to initiate a breakup, wish them good luck. They’d rather self-erase than create a confrontation, it takes a LOT before they’re willing to push away from the person they’ve been closest to. Negative feelings have to pile up first – a lot, so in the mean time 9s can be very passive-aggressive, which will come out in the heat of a breakup.

A 9 wanting to initiate a break up will prefer to make themselves very useless. Speaking unpleasant truth in any situation is painful for them. So if they hated something another person did (writing a book), they may say :  “I’m just so impressed you had the discipline to sit & write a whole book. I heard so much of you in those pages, & it was really nice to spend a lot of time in your world.”

Not the most constructive feedback, but entirely ‘nice’. To be direst, a 9 would have to either be at a very healthy level, or lean heavily to their Eight or One wing to get the job done.

IN BIZ : The Mediator – 9s are steady & balanced in their approach to work and relationships. They’re able to bring people together in a spirit of cooperation & harmony.  CHALLENGE : to stay focused on the priorities & to stick up for their own position, even if its uncomfortable.

NEXT:

PREVIOUS : Talk Styles (3,4,5)

TALK STYLES (cont)

Ennea-type 6’s style is cautionary or contrary. They’re always looking for what can go wrong, so they may sound quite pessimistic. They keep ask everyone a lot of questions about their plans, to test people’s motivates – which can get annoying after a while.

When it comes to pointing out flaws, there’s a difference between 1s & 6s : because 6s fall into the future triad, their eye for flaws is focused on what could go wrong, whereas Ones are in the Present triad, so they are focused on what is wrong.

If a 6 wants to initiate a break up, they may say:
“I think you’re really great, & this is not a reflection on you, but I’m just worried that this relationship is going to end badly if we keep trying to make it work like we are, even though we know that it’s not good for both of us. We might as well end it now rather than wait it out and have things go down even worse later.”

The 6 will be cautious about how they approach the other person, especially if they don’t know how the partner is going to react. They may assume the other person will react as badly as possible, which is why they’ll start off by placating, to cushion the blow, & deactivate the real or assumed bomb before it starts ticking.
Focusing on the future, about how things would be worse later, they figure might as well end it now to eliminate risk. “Bad but not as bad” tends to be as much as a 6 dares hope for.

IN BIZ : Loyal/Skeptic – 6s focus on figuring out what’s going on around them, to create structure & safety. They’re loyal, dependable, & are especially good at anticipating problems and creating solutions.
CHALLENGE :  to manage & modify their suspicion & doubt, so  it doesn’t de-motivate them or other people.
♦️
Ennea-type 7’s style is that storytelling or hyping. They tend to gush about things, focusing on positive qualities. Everything is the best. Everything they love, you must try. Even a trip to the store can be fodder for an off-the-wall tale.
7s like to feel good & want to make other people feel good too, while also being the center of attention. What better way to do that than to tell hilarious stories about their life?

However, when it comes to uncomfortable moments like breaking up, 7s don’t do so well. Like 5s, they’re more likely to ghost instead of initiating a break-up. Or they might go to great lengths creating a no-one’s-fault reason to end. It wouldn’t be surprising or outrageous for a 7 to move their entire life to another country as an excuse to end a relationship.

Unlike the Five who might move across the country to pursue an interest & forget they ever had a relationship, the 7s  the sole purpose is escape. It wouldn’t hurt that it may also be a great adventure, which is a huge perk. 

Because Seven is the king / queen of freedom & avoiding any extra responsibility, it will probably come up in the break-up talk. They may say: “I feel like we have so much to experience in this world, & we should go do that on our own rather than holding each other back. Maybe someday we’ll get back together once we go live our lives to the fullest, but right now, I feel like I need to focus on me, & I don’t want to hold you back while you focus on you.” (Ugh)

IN BIZ : Epicure – 7s are quick thinking, adaptable, with a positive outlook. Where other people see problems, they see opportunities. They like to enjoy multiple interests & have multiple options.
CHALLENGE :  to acknowledge problems & limitations, to bring their attention back to the present & the task at hand.

NEXT : Talk Styles (8,9)

PREVIOUS : Talk Style (Types 1-2)

TALK STYLES (cont)

Ennea-type 3’s style is persuading or selling. They’re always trying to convince someone of something. And often, what they’re trying to sell is themself. Persuasion comes naturally to them, & find themselves in careers that benefit from this ability.

3s speak confidently & directly, using words that focus on the topic at hand. They know exactly why they’re talking – what they’re trying to accomplish. They’re not interested in side topics or some else’s agenda.

If a 3 is going to break up with their partner, they may say: “I don’t see this relationship going anywhere, & I don’t think we should waste each other’s time anymore. I think we should break up so that we don’t spend our best years on a relationship that’s failing.”

If they don’t see a relationship “going somewhere,” (after all, Existence is a verb to 3s) or positioning them closer to their goals, it’s got to go. Also, anything that smells even faintly of failure has got to go for an Achiever.

IN BIZ : Performer – 3s are tremendously productive, highly & enthusiastic , they quickly move into action to get results. CHALLENGE : take the time to listen to others, & build good relationships, They need to develop more long-term strategies, & watch out for personal burnout due to workaholism.
♦️
Ennea-type 4’s style is lamenting or expressing. Since they like to live in & feel comfortable in ‘darker’ feelings, you’ll hear a lot of complaining language, with melodramatic & flowery metaphors. It’s usually very emotion-based.

They may not outwardly seem to be emotional, but their language will let you know of hidden depths. 4s’ talk style tends to be self-focused, being a little too attached to how they react to everything. But they’re also highly creative, so their dramatic imagery will reflect that imagination.

If a 4 is going to initiate a breakup, they may say: “I just don’t know if you’re ready to plumb the depths of reality with me. I’m starting to find this relationship really stifling, & I don’t know that we’re the twin flames I thought we were.
I need to be on my own to really explore my true nature without feeling like I have to be someone else for you.”
Very melodramatic, with lots of visual elements, but ultimately it’s all about the speaker & their emotional needs.

IN BIZ : Romantic – 4s focus on aesthetics, authenticity, & ‘meaning’, valuing excellence in all things They want a personal connection to their work & to the people around them.
CHALLENGE : learn to tolerate the mundane parts of work, reduce their emotional reactions, & not take things too personally.
♦️
Ennea-type 5’s style is lecturing or presentational. They know a lot about their area of expertise, & want you to know about it, too. But more importantly, they just really want to go on about it – to better process the info.

They like talking about facts. Their language tends to be highly analytical – lacking small talk entirely – with a certain detachment from the topic they’re focused on. If you want to talk about emotions with a 5, be ready to do it in terms of psychology, not metaphors.

The likeliest way a 5 would break up with someone – is just to ghost them, or so cut them off emotionally, that one day the partner wakes up & thinks, “Oh, I guess I’ll just show myself out.”

They might even realize that in the 5’s mind, they left the relationship a long time ago. But, if your partner were to initiate a breakup, it could probably be in a short text, or something factual, like : “I’m moving to Boston to get my masters, & I would prefer you didn’t come with me. I’ll need time to myself without distractions. I wish you the best of luck.”

IN BIZ : Observer – 5s are excellent thinkers & strategists, looking to develop technical expertise & accumulate knowledge. They need lots of privacy & autonomy.
CHALLENGE : be available to other people when possible, to communicate warmth, & recognize other kinds of human assets besides mental intelligence.

NEXT : Talk styles (7-9)

PREVIOUS : Enneagram

IMAGE ⬅️ : From “The Enneagram in Business”

SITE: “Type One: Body Language and Speaking Style”

Communication – 80% or more is not in the words we use, but the patterns of speech, & the non-verbal ways we express our meaning.
Since communication is a 2-way street between speaker & listener, it always exists & is interpreted within a context
EXP : the history of the people involved
– blatant or implied hierarchical structure of their society
– the broader culture of organization, region, country…..

List ⬇️ from the Enneagram Institute
«

✴︎
❤︎ The Enneagram allows us to understand how communication styles develop from our Type. It helps honor our strengths & minimize distortions, so we can be understood, and understand what others are saying more accurately.
✴︎

✴︎
⬇️ From “The Enneagram in Business“

  ✷EXPANDED TALK STYLES :
Ennea-type 1’s style is that of sermonizing or pontificating. While that may not be too flattering, for people whose level of health increases – the harsh qualities will lessen yo become much more tolerable

1s are precise, direct & honest, but include many “shoulds”. The Reformer may not always think have everything figured out or that they ‘re right-&-wrong police, it’s just their speech pattern.
EXP:  if a One was going to initiate a breakup, it might sound like this: “I don’t think two people should be together if it’s not going to work long-term. I don’t see this lasting, so the right thing to do is for us to break up.”  Direct, honest, some sort of concrete worldview, & a “should”.

IN BIZ : Perfectionist – 1s are responsible, thorough, and hard working with high standards for themselves and others. They know how to do things the right way.
CHALLENGE :  to balance their critical thinking with acceptance & appreciation, & know when “good enough” is more productive than “exactly right.”
♦️
Ennea-type 2’s style is advising or supporting. They’re very other-focused, with the belief that they themselves shouldn’t need help… but would really love it if others anticipated when they needed something, & just helped without having to be asked.
HINT : They tend to give the kind of help they wish they had.

Sometimes their misguided desire to be of use can blind their intuition – not knowing the difference between when someone just wants to vent vs. when they actually need the 2’s help.
So while they’re very friendly & their speech seems placating, they can also be pushy about offering to ‘fix’, to the point that their ‘helpee / victim’ will want them to stop with the advice for 3 seconds, & just listen to the emotions.

2s have a hard time initiating a breakup. They so need to stay connected, that pushing people away goes against their grain. So if you’re dealing with a 2 who’s actually tying to leave, you might be confused by their “bearing around the bush” communications.

They may say:  “You are so amazing, & you deserve all the happiness in the world. But I just feel like I can’t give you enough, so maybe you should see other people.”
You’d probably have to ask what they mean, because it could just as well be an invitation for you to have an open relationship instead.

IN BIZ : Giver – 2s are positive & people-oriented, making excellent communicators, who will support the best interests of the organization. Highly empathetic, they know what other people feel & need.
CHALLENGE : to practice good personal boundaries, & choose more carefully when & how much to help others.

NEXT : Talk Styles 3-6

PREVIOUS:
CHRISTIAN Perspective (Types 5-8)

SITE : “What is the Gospel?”   

Type 9: Peaceful Mediator : from Sloth to ACTION
9s are easy going, non-judgmental, patient people who long for harmony
with others & their environment.
BUT – internally they struggle with conflicts that threaten the comfort they crave. Believing it’s their responsibility to make sure everyone is respected & heard, they ‘manage’ all that pressure by suppressing emotions, giving up on their own dreams & desires, always giving in – to avoid any form of conflict.

9s assume their opinions don’t matter, so they focus too much on others, merging with their agendas to gain a false harmony. While falling asleep to themselves, they’re constantly frustrated & secretly angry about being overlooked.

Sadly, people around them get frustrated by the 9’s seeming complacency, emotional unavailability, passivity or passive-aggressiveness & stubbornness, creating the very conflict they desperately want to avoid.

When trying to satisfy their longing for harmony, connection & comfort – apart from Christ – 9s become self-belittling, indecisive, & easily overwhelmed. This eventually backfires in relationships.

However, when the 9’s heart is in tune with Christ’s Love, they awake up to their pwn convictions & passions, learning that they matter & really can make a difference in this world.
From that place they realize that true peace comes from entering into conflict – not avoiding it. This lets them genuinely engage in their own life & with others, able to bridge differences, bring people together, & achieve true harmony.

Spiritual Practice – Enneagram ARROWS (see posts)
As you seek to follow Christ, be mindful of things you need to leave behind along the way.
a. Use your stress & growth numbers to let go of unnecessary baggage.
(“I now release….”)
b. Follow up with positive affirmation statement for your type from the numbers of your stress & growth arrows (‘I now affirm ….”)

Remember who you are in Christ, holy & beloved, so there is “now no condemnation” (Romans 8 : 1)

1—Perfectionist
I RELEASE – holding myself & others to impossible standards
I AFFIRM – that I can make mistakes without condemning myself

2—Helper
I RELEASE – the fear that I am unwanted & unloved
I AFFIRM – that I am honest & clear about my motives

3—Performer
I RELEASE – my fear of feeling ashamed & being humiliated
I AFFIRM – that I have value regardless of my achievements

4—Individualist
I RELEASE – all feelings of hopelessness & despair
I AFFIRM – that I can open myself up to people & the world

5—Investigator
I RELEASE – all feelings of powerlessness & hopelessness
I AFFIRM – my life & struggles are meaningful & have purpose

6—Loyalist
I RELEASE – my fear of being abandoned & alone
I AFFIRM – that I am independent & capable

7—Enthusiast
I RELEASE – all reckless & destructive impulses & actions
I AFFIRM – I can say ‘no’ to myself without feeling deprived

8—Challenger
I RELEASE – my fear of ever being vulnerable or ‘weak’
I AFFIRM – that I trust my instincts, & care about the welfare of others

9—Peacemaker
I RELEASE – turning away from what is unpleasant or difficult
I AFFIRM – that I am confident, strong & independent.

(from Don Riso’s Enneagram Transformations.)

NEXT :  Ennea-Communication #1

PREVIOUS: CHRISTIAN Perspective (Types 1-4)

SITE : “What is the Gospel?”   

Type 5: Investigative Thinker : from Avarice to LETTING GO
5s are afraid of not knowing everything, of not being enough in themself.  They want to be self-sufficiency, avoid relying on others – and a life free from emotional obligations.

They see what the demands of living with others entails, but feel ill-equipped to meet them. They hope eventually to be able to know enough & have the right resources, but on their own that never materializes. They don’t realize that connecting, emotions & vulnerability are natural parts of a healthy partnership.

Trying to mange all that apart from Christ can lead to being withdrawn, emotionally distant & isolated. They assume they have to know everything before expressing their insights, afraid they’ll look stupid – which overwhelms them, so they retreat.

Fortunately, when their heart & mind are in line with the Gospel, 5s discover that their needs are not a problem because these are fulfilled in Christ. They don’t have to know everything, since that’s not possible – only God is omniscient!

Then they can be more generous with giving what they do have, not just from their head, but with their heart & all the rest. That gift, coupled with a great vision & perspective, reflects the true wisdom of God.

Type 6: Loyal Guardian : from Fear to COURAGE
6s are some of the most reliable, hard working, dutiful & steady people around. Their sense of humor, ability to foresee problems, & fierce loyalty make them incredible team players, holding groups together & generally benefitting the common good.

When they forget the Truth of the Gospel, 6s are plagued with catastrophic thinking, uncertainty, self doubt & worry. It leave them anxious, unable to relax & unable to trust themselves or others.

Their thinking can be skeptical or muddled, hesitating to make decisions. They’ll focus on planning for & trying to control future catastrophes, so they can live in a world that’s predictable & safe.

In relationships 6s struggle with projecting their fears, doubts, & insecurities onto others as a way of protecting themselves. These misplaced fears, suspicions & doubts often erode their trust in God.

However, when their heart is aligned with the Gospel & they learn to take their concerns & anxiety to Christ, they experience a transformation that provides great courage. They can relax in the trust that they’re secure in Him, experiencing “a peace that surpasses all understanding”. which is not available in the world.

Type 7: Entertaining Optimist : from Gluttony to SATIATION
7s compulsively keep themselves extremely busy to avoid dealing with internal anxieties, sorrow & boredom.

They tend to be scattered, uncommitted, & unreliable, hindering development of emotional depth, which requires facing painful emotions & unhappy experiences. These characteristics also cause trouble with relationships, & people close to them get frustrated when they see that 7s value new experiences & things more than them.

The cost – as they chase adventure, pleasure & stimulating experiences – is the inability to enjoy the present, nor feel satisfied with what they already have.
Putting painful things out of awareness, or reframing suffering as something positive without ever dealing with it, show up in counter-productive ways.

However, when their heart is aligned with the Gospel, 7s become more grounded in the present & can taste all it’s flavors with a grateful heart. Trusting that God will fulfill their internal longings, their more receptive & thoughtful qualities emerge. Combining this with their natural creativity & energy inspire others by seeing how they get through the highs & lows of life.

Type 8: Protective Challenger : from Lust to SOBRIETY
In a world full of sin & injustice, where people are taken advantage of & abused, 8s feel an intense need to protect themselves against betrayal & powerlessness – by always having an invincible exterior & minimizing any personal vulnerability.

In relationships, 8s often sacrifice intimacy so their soft side won’t be discovered & used against them. Denying closeness to & tenderness from others, as well as giving or receiving forgiveness – leaves them incomplete, missing out on the
support everyone needs & has a right to.

They try to protect a hidden tender heart by forming thick armor, an outward strength fro prevent loss. While all Types fear people, others become passive, but 8s become aggressive. “I’ll control them before they can control me.”

Their fear produces a thirst for power & control, & ultimate justice. Apart from Christ, it can lead to being too blunt, confrontational, cynical, insensitive, domineering, even vengeful.

When 8s surrender their fear of betrayal, & rely on Christ, they can give up control & let people to see both their endearing vulnerability and a compassionate strength. From that place they can better protect the innocent from injustice, empower others, & use their leadership gift for the greater good.

NEXT : Enneagram – CHRISTIAN Perspective (#4)