PREVIOUS : Types of LIARS (Part 2b)

3 POSTs :  “Why ACoAs Lie”

SITE: Culture & Deception
(Can we tell ?)

 

NOTE for ACoAs
The following suggested tools are not only for law enforcement & legal uses.
WE grew up with blatant or subtle lies from family, school, news & social media …. SO we can too easily attach to mates, friends & groups who also control others, pushing their world view by cleverly concocted lies. Narcissist are particularly adept.

CATCHING a LIAR
“Americans consider themselves a “truth-default” group, unconsciously assuming people are telling the truth.
HOWEVER – author Pamela Meyer, in her very popular TED Talk on Spotting a Liar, suggested that most people are on the receiving end of 10 – 200 lies every single day.  But it’s tricky to get lying just right, so it has to be done carefully & sparingly.
⁍ Too much, & no one trusts you
⁌ Too little, & you get laughed at, called “blunt,” or shunned as socially inappropriate. ”

1. STORIES in REVERSE
IF you want to check if someone is going to answer your Q honestly – & you know or suspect they tend not to :
a. Ask the same question 3x in different ways —-> to uncover their lie-pattern. The 1st time – you’re likely to get a well-planned answer – the details, the words they’re going to use…

b. What happens when you ask again, in a different way?
IF they’re telling the truth, they may add some details or tell the story differently.
To spot a liar, be a good listener. Research found that liars often hesitate or don’t talk ‘smoothly’ because “they can’t draw on real memories, lack the imagination to make up a detailed, plausible story, or are afraid they’ll give themselves away.”  Since they only have one version about an event, they’ll rehash the same words, details, even the same phrases.

c. Ask a 3rd time – about details – the less important things in a situation.
◎ If they were at a restaurant, “what color were the chairs?”
◎ If they were staying with friends, “which bedroom did they sleep in? What did it look like? ”
Keep them talking & it gets even more obvious – the first version you heard is repeated – again.
SO ask them to tell their story in reverse.

By the ‘law of human behavior‘, when asked to tell the false story backwards, it’s much harder – if it’s a lie – as they try to imagine details in reverse. It increases the “cognitive load” exponentially. They get confused, talk slower, make more mistakes or leave out important derails, give contradictions.

☞ Opposite – when you’re being told Truth, a ‘story’ is almost always easier to explain, even in reverse, actually uncovering new info or details missed before.

◘ KEEP them BUSY – a variation
The “cognitive load model” of deception says that “lying is multi-tasking, & therefore difficult. Liars must plan what they say, remember to play a role, & suppress the truth.” So, make it harder for them.
Professor Albert Vrij et.al. (Portsmouth, UK) suggests getting a known liar to focus part of their attention on some important concept or task, or sometime they love to do.
Then at the same time question them about a suspicious behavior, unhealthy plan, abusive comment (“Why did you….?”). If their brain is busy doing other things, they won’t have as much mental resources left over to lie, or at least, not as convincingly.   (MORE….)
EXP: ◎ If you suspect your partner of cheating, ask them questions while they’re driving. ◎ If you suspect your teen is using drugs, ask about it while getting them to do household chores…..

2. ANSWER DELAY
Normally, when someone asks a question you were not expecting, you pause, taking a second to think about your answer – honestly.
BUT practiced liars often jump the gun. They have something already prepared, always wanting to be a step ahead, so they’re anxious to get that lie out of their brain & into the world (on you).

When checking to see if someone is lying (you know they often are) –  listen for that little pause. If they skip it & answer right away, there’s a good chance they’ve planed their excuses / justifications / ‘false proofs’ – way in advance – just in case they get caught!

NEXT : DETECTING Liars, (#2)