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SITE: “51 telltale signs you’re married to a narcissist“

√ LYING
Ns personal presentation & how they interact with the world are based on lies – without remorse. Positive attributes & accomplishments are either exaggerated or totally made up, to trick & seduce others into continually giving them Supply – praise, admiration & perks they didn’t earn.

One of many versions are the ‘good Samaritans’ posing as “lovely people” in public, but are insensitive, neglectful & cruel behind closed doors.
There able to lie so convincingly because they don’t consider for a moment the negative effect their fakeness has on others’ lives, or what others need & feel

√ MIRRORING
A N will convince ‘object of their affection’ (you) that you’re falling in love with the most wonderful, fantastic person you’ve ever met, BY mirroring everything you love, coping your mannerisms, & seeming to be fascinated by your interests. They even tell you that you’re their soulmate.

This game can lure the unwary, but especially the wounded, who never got the mirroring they legitimately needed – as infants!  By having that need met now, someone can fall in love with this fake identity, which is actually the V‘s narcissism, like looking in a fun-house mirror.

All the N is doing is learning all your insecurities & strengths, likes & dislikes – used to “groom” you. Scamming you comes easy – they’ve done this before with their previous ‘loves’ (and bosses, and friends, and….)

√ MISREPRESENTING YOU
Rather than you, it’s the Toxic Ns who think they’re mind readers! They presume to know what you’re thinking & feeling, BUT they’re never accurate & it’s never positive. Even the ones who act like a thoughtful, caring person will deliberately twist or misuse your words, restating what you say to make your opinions look absurd.

They’ll put words in your mouth, making it sound like you have a bad intention or a toxic view that you don’t have. If you happen to talk about a problem with them, the N may respond : “So I’m the bad one,” or with someone else : “Oh, so now you’re perfect?” They’re canceling out your legitimate reactions to  inappropriate behavior, so you feel guilty for trying to set boundaries.

This tactic extends to spreading mis-info about you, presenting you in a negative & false ways.

√ MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATIONS
You can’t have a normal dialog with Ns. The Extroverts never seem to shut up & make it all about how they see thing. But while the introverts are quieter, they too can turn any conversation back to themselves, cleverly cutting you off. Your opinions don’t actually matter to any N.(see Post “Conversational N“)

√ NAME-CALLING
Ns will destroy anything that gets in their way or poses a threat to their self-defined image of superiority. Inside their twisted world, they’re the only person who’s always right, so anyone daring to disagree will trigger their rage.

At those times,  putting the other person down is the N’s automatic response & are perfectly aware of the anxiety they cause. They’ll insult & criticize the ‘enemy’s’ opinions & beliefs, to regain a measure of superiority. And once they get going, they don’t let up. Name calling is very childish, but by continually dismissing, ridiculing & marginalizing anyone who they feel diminishes then, they vanquish this enemy – even if it’s their child or mate!

√ NEGATIVE HUMOR / TEASING
Making negative or insulting remarks disguised as teasing or sarcasm are sneaky ways to let out normally suppress or denied anger, but is actually meant to punish by making you feel inferior & insecure.
If you object or call them out, the N will say “You’re too sensitive” or “You just don’t have a sense of humor / you take things too seriously…”.

They’ll keep throwing out malicious jokes at your expense, especially about anything that touches you deeply. They’ll ‘humorously’ shame you in front of others & insist it’s all in good fun. Their sick, mean humor is done without remorse, while justifying themselves by saying you were the one who got them riled in the first place.

NEXT : Mind Games #5