PREVIOUS : Mind Games #1
V = Victim
MIND GAMES (cont)
√ GHOSTING – Silence at a distance
In this version, you’re stuck not being able to find out or object to what’s really going on. So, many Vs stew in confusions & anxiety, wondering what they’ve done wrong (which is S-H), & how they can fix it.
Ghosters either don’t respond when they say they will, or promise to show up for something but blow you off – without any warning before or apology after.
Ns know exactly what they’re doing – & that it’s hostile.
If they wanted to be respectful, keep their word, or work out a problem, they’d text or talk to you, but NO – they’d rather leave you hanging.
They also know they can backtrack on their ‘little murder’ (angry silence) when they need you on their side. Most Victims are eager to end their own discomfort & so let the N get away with it
To prepare a potential victim to become a physical & psychological slave, the N works very hard for some period of time to create the impression that they’re a safe, generous, trustworthy person. It’s temporary & intentional – tailored to set the victim (target) up for future use.
This effort forms an emotional connection with a child or vulnerable adult – so they can be manipulated, exploited & abused later – and have the V tolerate & forgive the N, even blaming themself for the eventual unexpected, shocking mistreatment
Verb : To actively create guilt in another person, used on Vs as punishment for not pleasing the N. It’s a passive-aggressive way to keep the V feeling bad about things they’re done / said, or failed to do / say, which the N claims are unacceptable – but only in their eyes.
Specifically, the V will be reminded of something ‘bad’ they did –> made to feel guilty about it –> then given an option to escape punishment – by doing something the manipulator wants. If the V agrees that everything ‘wrong’ with the relationship is their fault, they’ll make a great effort to try to make up for it. That way the N never has to admit being neglectful, deliberately selfish & cruel
Named after the Hoover vacuum, it’s used to “suck the V back in” to the abusive relationship the V is trying to escape or has left. The N will temporarily ‘improve’ their behavior, or give the V something they want which had previously been withheld. Neither will last!
The N can use any means to re-hook the V, needed as ‘Supply’. EXP: guilt-tripping & shaming, false promises of changing behavior & too-good-to-be-true gifts, begging, screaming at the victim, making threats, insincerely accepting blame for what’s gone wrong, even using others (flying monkeys) to help persuade the V to return. (See “Narc-Speak #1“)
The N will frighten their V by threatening physical harm to them or a loved one, or to deprive the V of something extremely important (sleep, food, money, the children….), to force the V into doing something the N wants.
Another way is to throw tantrums when the N doesn’t get their way – ranting on & on, loud angry voice, lots of aggressive gestures, breaking things… It’s psychological torture, always with the possibility of direct physical violence.
√ LOVE BOMB
This is when the N overwhelms a new Supply (you?) with an OTT amount of affection, flattery, gifts & praise early in the relationship. It’s purpose is not love. By moving the relationship forward quickly, the N tries to win the V’s undivided attention so they’ll be the only one in control.
This shows the N’s insecurity & inner emptiness, which requires an immediate fix. N have very little impulse-control, like little kids – wanting what they want, right now.
This emotional game can include: “just helping you out – to do better” by criticizing everything in your life, agreeing with everything you say, constant compliments, physical & digital affection, expensive gifts (to make you indebted, since they expect something back)….
This will all end when the V is good & truly hooked.
NEXT : More Mind Games #2