PREVIOUS: MIND GAMES (#4)
SITE: Playing the victim
MIND GAMES (cont)
Ns absolutely need to think of themselves as the best at everything. If you’ve built a lean-to, then they’ve built a lean-3….. Even Coverts believe they’re above the crowd, just hide their ambitions better than Overts. Ns see what others have & expect to have more – not because they’ve done more (or anything) to earn it – but because they assume it’s their birth right (like an English peer of the realm!) .
What’s most important to an N will vary with their personality & background. For one it’s money & material things, while for another it’s more about being attractive & desirable. Whatever it is, they’re fiercely competitive about it.
Ns often focus more on looking successful than on actually succeeding. To keep up the facade, they’re get deeply into debt, or pick a younger trophy mate, who bleeds them dry.
The phone is an imperative tool for Ns, a weapon to manipulate & create chaos. They can easily Idolize, Devalue & Discard you with just text messages – all from the comfort of their home. Some uses:
🤐 subject you to silent treatments with the flip of a switch – change their number without notice, put the phone on airplane mode….
🥸 a way to juggling multiple relationships, so they don’t find out about each other – & block you to buy time, or when trying to hide their new Supply
😧 will pretend to have lost their phone, say it’s broken or the “battery died,” rather conveniently – when out with “friends” or other Supplies
But Ns also know that their clever strategies could backfire – if caught & confronted after you’ve snuck a look at their messages & texts. They’re angry that you violated their privacy & ‘hurt’ that you don’t trust them. So they create more chaos by provoking a fight, arguments or excuses – anything to make you the “bad guy/gal”.
√ PLAYING VICTIM
One way to set the honey trap is by tricking you into thinking that poor little them ‘needs you’. It’s designed to exploit your good will, guilty conscience or protective nurturing instinct. They use the mask of being weak & powerless to dominate, with an implied demand that “You must not let me down”
It’s particularly twisted because their real opinion of themself is ‘bigger than life’, but they’ll gladly act needy & weak – temporarily – if it’ll play on your weaknesses. If a N can make you feel sorry for them, they can usually get whatever they demand. Who wouldn’t help a down-trodden friend?
Keep in mind they’ve got you all figured out. Pretty soon they’ll subtly bring up a subject they already know is hurtful (an insecurity, unhealed wounds….) , then innocently say they really “didn’t mean it”.
This ploy has many benefits. However some Ns become perpetual victims – always having a major problem, always needing your endless caretaking. This becomes exhausting, especially because they totally ignore or dismiss your needs.
√ PRETENDING IGNORANCE
Ns love to act like they don’t know what they’re doing, so they can get away with bad behavior. (Refer to previous mind game)
In ‘Games People Play”, Eric Berne calls it the “Schlemiel” game. In his version of the Jewish folk-stereotype, the schlemiel deliberately does destructive acts & sabotage, disguising them to look like accidents.
The purpose is to elicit sympathy & compassion from those they’ve duped, called schlamazels. It has a definite psychological payoff – for the N – but with damaging real-world effects. Schlemiels often end up as criminals, playing their “game” with judges & police, after having outgrown parents, teachers, friends…. who are sick of all the chaos they cause. (MORE….)
√ PROJECTION (not ‘Projecting‘)
This is about placing their own undesirable thoughts, emotions, or actions onto someone else, to keep up their self-created grandiose self-image. Ns consciously or unconsciously see flaws in others that are not in them – only in themselves, because they can’t bear to think of themselves as bad, angry, difficult or responsible for anything. EXP: Accusing the V of cheating when they are actually the one cheating.
NEXT: Narcissist MIND GAMES (#6)