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SIGNS of Ongoing N Abuse – #2

SITE : “Can a Narcissist Love?“

LOVE vs. NARCISSISTIC Love – The “EMPATHY” Connection (Joyce M Short)

Empathic people are capable of unconditional love & forgiveness. Their dear one can have a bad day, be seriously ill, put on some pounds or lose their hair. Unconditional love is part of your core, & compels you toward the beloved (parent, mate, child….), regardless of how that person looks or behaves. Your sense of attachment to them is deeply rooted.

People with empathy have emotional reactions to the pain of others & a conscience that keeps them from committing harm.
If they encounter another person who has a specific vulnerability, been harmed by a prior relationship, lost a loved one, or overcame other hardships – their sensitive heart goes out to them. BUT if the empath is   psychologically healthy, they don’t lose themselves in the effort to connect & help. ➡️

NPDs are NOT able to love THIS way 
Unfortunately empathetic people are also drawn to others who seem ‘sensitive’ – such as Ns using ‘neediness’ to hook supply.
Narcissist “love” is emotionally & spiritually shallow because it’s selfishly motivated. It can confuse the unwary, since they pour on affection at the beginning of a new relationship.

To the recipient, it seems that their caring is boundless & deep. But this type of attachment is similar to how the N loves their money, house, car…. In fact, their money & car could be more valuable to them than you will ever be, which are visible signs of power & control.

Ns do stay in long-term relationships (with victims) BUT can’t bond with ‘full-bodied’ love.
Do not mistake N “sensitivity” – which is only about their own personal needs – with being “empathetic” toward others. In fact, being “over-sensitive” could indicate Borderline Personality Disorder.
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😹 SIGNs of VERBAL abuse are often FELT, but not seen by others
Abusers are very conscious of what they’re doing to you. If it weren’t deliberate, they’d feel bad & correct inappropriate & cruel words & actions. Especially after you point them out.
Healthy people don’t want to hurt others. Hurting others is how abusers survive.

❤︎ WOMAN in long-term relationship with verbally abusive man
YOU:
‣ feel uneasy or anxious much of the time, jumping at every tiny sound, or your heart pounds for no obvious reason

‣ think you must be crazy & need professional help to overcome your ‘issues’.
Your internal voices are often overpowering – critical, very mean, repeating abusive things he’s said so many times

‣ don’t trust your ability to make sound decisions for yourself or the family. So you go along with your abuser’s poor decisions without much resistance
YOU:
‣ don’t get excited about much of anything. And if you did look forward to an upcoming positive event, the pleasure wouldn’t last long, from wondering how you’re going to tell your abuser about it – to get the best possible reaction from him

‣ are paraded around like an “Oscar” trophy when attending group functions for the N’s work or activities. You’re afraid to say much while there, for fear of payback abuse later, for saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing

‣ keep telling yourself it’ll be better when he retires, the children are grown, he gets that promotion, he finishes that project, after lunch….. constantly waiting for the ‘good times’
‣ believe that one day your abuser will realize how good a mate you’ve been & be sorry, doing a complete 180 to finally admire & respect you.

🌧 These last 2 are especially hard to shake because of the pleasant breaks between attacks, when he stops being abusive just long enough to lull you into thinking “It’s different this time” (intermittent reinforcement).

NEXT : After-effects of N Abuse #1