SIGNS of ONGOING Narcissistic ABUSE (#2)

PREVIOUS : Questions for Victims

SITE: “Mental & Emotional Abuse if Real” 


These apply to You (the victim) in relation to your N partner (either gender)


are not allowed to grow
People need to develop, in order to become their best self. An insecure partner will tend to discourage this – lest you gain wisdom, & then see their weaknesses & want to leave. If you give in to their fears, you sacrifice a valuable part of your identity

become tense around your significant other (S.O.)
It’s normal to feel anxious while you are fighting, but not all the time. Your relationship should feel like a soft place to land – anytime – especially after a long, hard day

 believe you can’t do anything right
This means your partner is taking your good qualities for granted – & happy to make use of them – while totally focusing on your flaws. Nobody’s perfect, but a partner who chips away at your self-esteem is being cruel
develop dissociation as a survival mechanism
This is emotional & physically numbing in the face of horrific circumstances, like an alcoholic blackout but without drinking – an actual detachment from your surroundings, with gaps in memory, perceptions, consciousness & sense of self.
In this state, mind-numbing activities, obsessions, addictions & repressed awareness become escapes from current reality

✦ don’t ‘feel like yourself’
This is a major sign that you’re compromising your identity & integrity for the sake of the relationship. To accommodate an abusive partner, you eventually negatively adjust your behavior & self-perception – to prove you ‘really do care’. These self-denying changes cause you to lose a sense of self, leaving you confused & empty

✦ fantasize about (or try) suicide, or engage in self-harm instead
Along with depression & anxiety comes creeping hopelessness, having developed “learned helplessness”. Victims of domestic violence are 2x as likely to try suicide, & multiple times. It’s the way your partner can commit the ‘perfect’ murder – without being held accountable
find yourself avoiding your S.O. – or notice them avoiding you
Taking some time to be alone is healthy. However, if you usually dread spending time with this person, it means they’re not safe to be with

habitually lie to each other
Often lying to your partner means – either you’re doing something you know isn’t ‘kosher’, or you know they won’t accept something legitimate & positive you’re doing for yourself or the kids

have the same arguments over & over
This usually represents deeper problems than the annoyance or criticism on hand. It can also mean one or both of you don’t communicate appropriately, OR one doesn’t want to deal with the issue, causing distress to the other
(one or both) suffer from serious jealousy
This is a huge red flag. Accusations of infidelity or lack of attention is not a sign of love, or even of passion – only throwing childish tantrums. Jealousy indicates personal immaturity, insecurity, & lack of trust in the partner (especially when UNjustified)

✦ put aside your basic needs & desires
The partner’s happiness is more important than your own, so you sacrifice emotional, even physical safety to please the abuser. Trying desperately to please someone so they won’t leave you, is exhausting & pathetic

✦ romanticize the past
This is a subtle sign of dysfunction, but a very important one. Healthy people enjoy looking back on good times. But, if you live in the past because your future imaginings look like more of the same misery, you’re in the wrong place
walk on eggshells
Forced to avoid whatever will set the abuser off again -to stave off their rage. But it never actually works, since they want to use you as an emotional punching bag. So you’re constantly anxious about accidentally ‘provoking’ your abuser, trying to prevent confrontations

withdraw from everyone & isolate
Just the 2 of you in your cocoon of distrust. You feel ashamed about the abuse, & assume no one will understand or believe you anyway. Unfortunately, victims can be re-traumatized by law enforcement, family, friends & the N’s harem members who won’t validate your experiences

NEXT : Signs of Ongoing Abuse (#3)

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