Denial is our frenemy. It is naturally the child’s first & only defense. Being helpless & dependent makes it safer & less scary to deny extreme, continual deficiencies in & abuses from parents & other caregivers, than to ‘see’ what the child is actually experiencing.
And as adults, following the same patterns, it may feel safer to blame ourselves for problems than question the integrity of people we depend on for our survival.
As long as we’re in denial, we repeat unhealthy patterns, failing to protect ourselves & those we love from further abuse. Breaking denial about a parent, spouse, or other important relationship is the first & often most difficult step in the Recovery process. But crucial.