ACoAs as Narcissists (Part 1)



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SITE:  “The Human Magnet Syndrome: a refreshing study of narcissistic abuse and codependency”

 

ORIGIN of NPD – it’s nothing new!
At its mythic heart, narcissism is a story of disappointment. The ancient source is the Greek tale of the Beotian hunter Narcissus, a beautiful young man who arrogantly spurns the love of the nymph Echo & the youth Ameinias. No one is good enough. In reaction, they’re so devastated that each kill themself.

Nemesis, the Revenge aspect of Aphrodite, observing these tragedies decides to teach Narcissus a lesson. After a long day of hunting, she leads him to a clear pool. When he bends down to drink he seen a perfect image, & falls in love  – with his reflection. But he doesn’t realize it’s himself! 

Captivated by his ideal, Narcissus vows never to leave the object of his desire. But the image, forever outside his embrace, fails to reciprocate. The arrogant man’s inconsolable disappointment is that he cannot consummate his love – for himself. As a result Narcissus melts away, a victim of his hopeless passion.

In contrast, real-life narcissists manage to take their eyes off themselves just long enough to find out if others are looking at them. And if the N has admirers, this makes him/her feel great – temporarily! (More…..)
❗️   ❗️    ❗️   ❗️
ACoAs: Because we grew up drowning in NPDs – we have a legacy of :
1.  incorporating their distortions into our False Self, and
2. compulsively being attracted / addicted to other Ns, hopelessly trying to have a genuine, intimate relationship with someone who’s not capable!

ACoAs tend to deeply resent being told we’re narcissistic, especially those of us who identify mainly as co-dependent. We do NOT want to be like our N parents! so end up hanging on to our Victimhood or Hero status, rather than see how much of their patterns we inevitably absorbed.

CRUCIAL to remember: DO NOT use these posts as more fuel for Self-Hate! The purpose is to identify our damaged False Self, so we know what to work on to HEAL & GROW! 🌈

REVIEW 4 posts “What is Emotional Abuse?”

All flavors of ‘damage’ are by definition narcissistic – because they emanate from the WIC (wounded INNER CHILD) & all children start out as Ns. But as adults, ACoAs still think we’re the center of the whole world & everyone in it is always reacting to us!

Narcissism is on a continuum, from mild everyday comments to the severe malignant NPD type. Ns also have core co-dependent symptoms of shame, denial, control, dependency (unconscious), dysfunctional communication & weak boundaries, which all lead to intimacy problems. 

Although most narcissists can be classified as codependent,  the reverse is not true – most co-deps are not Ns, because they don’t have the Grandiose N’s traits of exploitation, entitlement & lack of empathy.

❣️ACoAs who are in the process of recovery AND are actually progressing slowly-but-surely out of their False Self into their True Self – start out with a less rigid form of NPD. (⬅️ CHART)

This is contrast to NPDs who may try various types of therapy & ‘spirituality’ or physical treatments – but will never go deep enough to truly outgrow their narcissistic attitude.
And of course these are the even more severe, who never even try to heal, because they don’t think they need help. What identifies any PD is that it pervades the whole system, not just some area of life, as with Neurosis. (See posts in in “Psychological Disorders“.)

For those ACoAs who have some physical & emotional sobriety (in AA, Al-Anon, ACA, CODA, DA, OA….), there will always be some level of old N. reactions. It’s OK to accept being human & have limitations, since it’s not possible to reach perfection – at all!

NEXT: ACoA as Ns

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