WHY DOESN’T EVERYONE
see my point of view!??

PREVIOUS: Being Right (#3a)

SITEs :’The Need To Be Right‘
“Addicted to being right“

⬅ “OFFICE SELFIE” by DMT

REMINDER: BR comes in various degrees of intensity. You may have a touch of it, or it may run your whole way of interacting with others.

ACoA ADDICTED to Being Right – aBR (cont.)
It fits the characteristics of an alcoholic or otherwise narcissistic family – as perfectionism & grandiosity. So, no matter how helpful to others our info or how valid our beliefs are, the way we know we’re in the grip of aBR (a character defect) is that it doesn’t allow for anyone else to also be right – for themself.

▲Knowledgeable people who are reasonably healthy will share their expertise with anyone seeking it, but never press other to listen or to agree. They know everyone has the human right to their own info & choices.

But being aBR can be the cause for attacking anyone who challenges our world view. Others may have good ideas, their own process, a different way of working toward a goal OR they may be deep in denial & acting out their damage.
Regardless, if what or who they are doesn’t agree with our ‘truth’, we will badger or cold-shoulder them.

We function from the unspoken thought:
“I can’t bear it when someone contradicts or ignores me. So I wait. I watch. I react. I pounce – ready to belittle, correct, insult, make fun of, negate…..”
And if someone stands up for their opinions or style – or is just silent, we get very upset, get pushier, possibly even meaner. We won’t feel OK until & unless the other person capitulates.

EXP: When ranting about anything she thinks is wrong – with a person or in the world – one woman heads off any logic, comment or disagreement from her long-suffering husband with the command: “Just say YES!

RESULTS
While we who are Right-ists can easily find insecure wounded souls who will let themself be bullied, none of our tactics work with severe narcissists. And as for long-term active addicts, if they want to keep ‘using’, nothing we do will stop them!

Being convinced there’s a certain way everyone should think or act (unhealthy Ennea-type #1) will ultimately lead to personal frustration, annoyance & disappointment when others don’t follow our rules or opinions. This increases our underlying fear & rigidity. We feel betrayed, assuming someone we’ve tried to convince has automatically agreed to follow our lead, but then reneged on the implied compliance.

This is a thoroughly mistaken assumption, since most people do not automatically fall in behind the Right-ist, & their silence does not mean agreement. And whenever there is even a crack in our illusion, as Right-ists we don’t see our narcissism, but prefer to attack & accuse others.

Giving everyone the message they are or should be exactly like us obviously stiffles their ability or willingness to be cooperative & stay connected. If they don’t leave altogether, they pull away from us – the supposed ‘righteous’ one – reinforcing the feeling of abandonment on both sides.

aBR prevents us from experiencing the understanding & intimacy we say we desire. We can’t understand why our partner/ boss/ child….. is so angry with us. We’re convinced they should be making changes – then we’d get along just fine! After all, we don’t want to confused ourself with reality – like that others have the right to their own way of thinking & doing things – when we’ve already made up their mind for them!

Spiritual Narcissism –  Right-its can easily be dogma-zealots about anything we’re fired up about, trying to convince/convert the ‘ignorant’. We may sincerely believe we’re justified & being helpful, that having found the one & only ‘right way’ now we can set others straight & solve all their problems. But it’s up to the other person whether or not they’re interested in our position, and what works for one person, family or group is not always right for another.

NEXT: Being Right (Part 4)