ACoAs & Emotional Immaturity (Part 2)

I can’t seem to let them go!

PREVIOUS :  E. Immaturity (Part 1)

: “If you’re always waiting to get caught, welcome to a life of immaturity” Eymadreamer

“Immaturity is the incapacity to use one’s intelligence without the guidance of another” Emmanuel Kant

• a great need for what we want, demanding immediate fulfillment of desires. Shout & command to be catered to, feel we can’t bear to wait    Screen Shot 2015-08-02 at 9.02.05 AM
• usually fake, inconsiderate, tactless & selfish – the child’s delusion that the world revolves around us, don’t look beyond ourselves
• secretly believe we’re somehow special, so demand constant attention, sympathy & unearned respect, so can’t have satisfying relationship
• fish for compliments, & have unreasonable expectations of others
• extremely competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic & refuse to play or work if we can’t have our own way

• project our Shadow side onto others & then react negatively towards them
• regularly feel like we’re going to lose control (& often do) & are afraid of change
• lack ability to be emotionally neutral – either irrationally negative (antagonistic) or blindly positive (loyal)
• are easily frustrated. If things don’t go our way, demand that others change, or refuse to out of controlparticipate further. Can have temper tantrums, prolonged pouts & rapid mood shifts
• find it hard to successfully manage Es during or after a crisis – either fall apart or become physically or emotionally distant, especially during a confrontation

• don’t handle criticism well (over-react), take every slight as a personal attack, take ourselves too seriously
• are prone to jealousy & envy – may wish bad things on other who have better fortune than ourselves
• great difficulty forgiving (letting go) of slights & hurts. Either keep throwing it in someone’s face, or withdraw without explanation
• can be pleasant as long as things go our way, then suddenly explode with anger over a trivial (but not to us) remark or incident.  Others don’t know how to be around us, never knowing how we’ll react

Listed elsewhere are CDs (Cognitive Distortions), the mainstay of the immature (WIC’s) way of ‘understanding’ the world. CDs CAUSE:
• being stuck in flawed beliefs about ourselves (S-H) & others (judgmentalism)
• inappropriate actions or non-actions
• misreading & then mis-interpretation of social cues, so we ignore them completely or react badly from projecting our assumptions on to others
• not taking seriously any point of view different from our own . EXP: B & W thinking, always leading to false conclusions

8. NOT FLEXIBLEoppositional
Opposing people & ideas – we’re emotionally rigid, insist there’s only one way to think about or do things – our way (or the highway)
— experience the world as being against us, feel unseen & unheard, which can lead to constant debating, arguing, fighting
— OR compulsively isolate, avoiding reality, especially when frustrated
— see everything in B & W (too much or too little, all or nothing)

Oppositional – compulsively take the other side of an opinion or event, even if we secretly agree with it :
— because of a fragile ego (False Self, WIC), we’re afraid of loosing ourselves if we agree with  someone, instead of having real boundaries
— a way to keep others at arm’s length emotionally
— tend to have great difficulty with any form of real or perceived authority
— resist taking advice & help, even when desperately needed

• compulsively chooScreen Shot 2015-08-02 at 6.45.19 AMse the most unhealthy, inappropriate friends & mates, as well as work, living, social environments
• OR accept any person or situation offered to us, without considering if we like it, if it suits us, how safe or healthy it is….
• use relationships to manage our anxiety. Have a great need for a large support system so we don’t have to face & outgrow our abandonment issues
• focus most of our efforts on winning over people who are not interested in us
• react in extremes, in most relationships (idealize or demonize)
• personal loyalty lasts only as long as the relationship is somehow useful
• trouble with people who important to us are usually caused by us being critical, impatient, over-reactive, having inappropriate expectations & making demands

NEXT: Emotional Immaturity (Part 3)

2 thoughts on “ACoAs & Emotional Immaturity (Part 2)

  1. I think I meet all criteria for emotional immaturity. I need to take deep breaths now and avoid self-judgement.


    • Yes – No S-H, please – as that prolongs the immaturity. It’s not our fault we were not given a healthy base.
      Use the Maturity list for setting goals for your growth.


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