PREVIOUS: ACoAs & Emotions #3
SITE: “I Don’t Want to Talk About it: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression.” by Terrance Real
Resistance to FEELING Emotions (Es)
• The source of our personal power is Self-esteem – which is fueled & sustained by the emotion of unconditional Love, & allows us to feel Pease & Joy. But when we had to shut down our feelings because the pain was too much to handle, we also shut down the pleasurable ones!
Resistance to experiencing emotions stifles the very flow of life. So it takes a lot of psychic effort to push down Es & keep them down – not leaving much energy left over to function, leaving us with Depression. This is why ACoAs have such little reserve to deal with unforeseen events in the present – so much of our effort is used up by our Shadow-storage of unwanted feelings & memories.
Repressed Es get trapped in various part of the physical body & in the layers of the energy body that radiate from our core. Such a backlog can cause holes in our spirit, leaking out vital energy, which creates fatigue, vulnerability & low self-confidence!
• Emotions, as such, are never dangerous – only the suppressed ones that have piled up year after year, causing them to fester.
Our body wants to eject emotional poison the same way it does physical toxins. If we don’t allow this to happen they cause PMES damage. In the long run, releasing them voluntarily is best so we don’t explode all over ourselves & others. If we carelessly “dump” our pain on others or act them out in a self-destructive ways, we feel even worse about ourselves (more S-H)
The BRAIN: our ability to repress emotions comes from having 3 over-all brains area : the mammalian fore-brain, the reptilian early brain, & the mid-brain, the part that connects the other two.
To function well we need the capacity to choose how we act on emotions (see posts on T.E.A.). But sometimes we also need to disconnect because the panful ones get so intense our weak self-care gets even worse.
• When we want to remember, we can work on accessing the information stored in any one of the 3 parts, altho what’s there varies according to which data bank is holding it.
• When we want to forget, we disconnect the memory links between the fore-brain (thinking) & the other two – creating amnesia
BTW, ACoAs are notorious for having a built-in forgetter, which includes all the good things that happen to us day by day in the present!
The mid-brain, as the go-between, is responsible for keeping it all straight, & does so very well – especially in a ‘civilized’ society.
EXP: Not letting blind rage erupt in public prevents getting fired, thrown out & in some cases killed (road rage, gangs…). Not acting on every sexual impulse will preserve our promise of fidelity to a mate, maintain the family’s integrity, eliminate STDs….. & potentially – getting killed.
Are you emotionally repressed?
• If we want to know what Es we’re denying (DENIAL: “I don’t know that I don’t know some things about myself, or my family”), there are many ways.
When we’re ready & capable of facing them (“Getting to your Es – Over & Under” posts have a list of tools), we can always start by asking some basic Qs, like the obvious one: “What emotions can I name? Which ones do I think I can feel? (depression, rage, anxiety….?) What am I feeling right now?
From there we can go on to: “What Es am I not expressing?” & then to “If I knew what I was feeling, what would I say it is?”. If the answer is always the same – it’s time for outside help (which we can all benefit from anyway), such as 12-Step meetings, therapy, reading, spiritual gatherings, healing groups …..
NEXT: Repressing Es = Part 2