vanity

Enneagram Type 5 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

type 5

PREVIOUS: Ennea Humor – #4

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post   Associated Type is inside the ( )

 

Type 5 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. intrusion: Think that others are going to invade your time, space & privacy
• re. feelings: Fearful of expressing emotions in real-time, & highly uncertain about what you do feel or even how to know it
• re. attachments: Believe you must not be attached to anything or anyone, because if you are, your energy will be sapped & your autonomy threatened

Type 5 FLATTERY (#2)
• Think there’s something wrong with you for not liking “small talk” when others seem to like it just fine (like there’s something “right” with others)
• Continue a conversation about a topic you have little interest in
• Decide to not share information you actually do have, being sure you don’t know enough about the topic, yet still listen to others who know a lot less than you about it

Type 5 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
• Confuse thinking with feeling, so you don’t pay much attention to your emotional life
• Don’t consider your emotions much at all. In fact, think that they have limited value, & that it takes too much energy to figure them out
• Believe that only your mind matters, so ignore (be indolent about) physical sensations that are a source of important information

Type 5 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Think you’re depleted, drained of sufficient resources & life force
• Believe you don’t have truly deep relationships like others seem to
• See yourself as an island adrift from the major continent of people

Type 5 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)resources
• Plan how to prevent draining situations by limiting intrusions, demands on your time & energy, or emotionally charged interactions
• Strategize ways to overcome potentially dangerous situations

Type 5 RESENTMENT (#1)
• Focus on the intrusiveness & aggressiveness of others
• Imagine / assume harmful actions you think others are up to
• Wonder why someone has the right to make demands on you for personal information, your time….

Type 5 STINGINESS (#5)
• with resources & knowledge: Think the world has limited resources, so you have to conserve almost everything
• with interpersonal engagement: Believe you don’t need or want to fully engage with others because they’ll drain you or want too much
• with sharing: Believe you have to withhold info about yourself with almost everyone (except a few you trust), otherwise your privacy will be violated

Type 5 VANITY (#3)
• Think that others are inferior for having too many needs, being dependent & not autonomous (like you)
• Believe you have a superior intellect
• Think that others’ expression of emotions is inferior to your own reliance on reason, logic, emotional self-containment & detachment

Type 5 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
• violated your privacy, such as breaking a confidence
• kept information from you, especially if it’s important to you
• lied, such as said they’d deliver work on time and then didn’t
• made unreasonable or not-agreed-to demands on you

REACTION: think & plan how to neutralize that person or keep them at a distance
• strategizing how to get that person removed & harmless (if they’ve really scared you or violated a deeply held value)
GROWTH: Ask “ Am I expressing my real feelings in the moment?”

ALSO
Type 5 DISTORTED LENS
Too far: missing the nuances of what’s close up
Lesson: When we create too much distance, we don’t see the finer detail, including ourselves & how we interact with a situation

Type 5 HANGING ON
Hold on to:
• to being autonomous, needing too much privacy, using up limited space and resources
• and under-explore feelings & needs

Why: to maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ doesn’t need to rely on anyone or anything other than yourself
Let go of: your false belief in scarcity (of energy, resources….)

Type 5 put OFF-BALANCE by:
• someone standing too close for too long
• having to put out energy & effort when already feeling depleted
• expecting to share personal information when you’re not clear why this matters or what don't feelsomeone will do with it

Type 5 MAYA (delusion)
You think that you either don’t know or don’t experience your emotional states, when in fact your emotions are extremely pure

Type 5 WORRY
“What do they want from me? How can I get away from this? Why am I feeling so drained and depleted? Why can’t I express myself?”

NEXT: All flaws – Type 6

Enneagram Type 2 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

type 2 EVERY HAS TO LIKE ME
or else I’m wither away

PREVIOUS: Type 1 – all flaws


IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category
in the INTRO post 
Associated Type inside the ( )


Type 2 COWARDICE, because of CDs (#6)
• re. being alone : when you’re alone for long periods of time (or could be as short as an hour) you think something’s very wrong, becoming anxious & at a loss for what to do
• re. admitting your dependency needs: believe you don’t depend on others, but rather that others need & depend on you

• re. not being “nice”: you believe everything you do is & must be thoughtful & considerate. So when you’re not, you try to come up with reasons that your thoughts, feelings or actions weren’t all that ‘bad’, or were just a reaction to someone else’s ‘poor’ behavior

Type 2 FLATTERY (#2)  THINKING –
• about what each person might need from you
• that you should do something you really don’t want to do, then doing it, so you won’t feel like a selfish person
• how to engage another in conversation about them, & not at all about you

Type 2 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You may seem a little distracted & vague, or focused & extremely alert. But all 2s are indolent in specific ways. YOU
• pay so much attention to others & their needs, instead of your own – so are indolent about yourself
• neither identify nor acknowledge your true emotions & thoughts, to preserve relationships & avoid conflict with anyone important to you

no selfie• think about what is or isn’t OK to express – WITHOUT being clear enough about who you are – your honest opinions or true desires. You believe they’re not legitimate or too dangerous, so you’re not up to leadership

Type 2 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Wonder why you’re not happy since you do so many good things for others
• Believe no one really appreciates you, or that a specific person doesn’t value you, because they hurtful your feelings
• Wonder why your relationships are troubled when you put so much energy & effort into them

Type 2 PLANNING (as compulsion) (#7)
• Plan out how other people should connect & behave
• Obsess about what others should do that’s in their best interests, how they should ideally behave toward themselves, others or projects
• Plan out how you can be useful or add value to others

Type 2 RESENTMENT (#1)
• Obsess about all you’ve done for others, when there has been little or no reciprocation
• Play over in your mind (obsess) why your opinions/ suggestions were not listened to as much as someone else’s
• Think about times when your or others have been ill-treated, & wonder why people do that

Type 2 STINGINESS (#5)
• with acknowledgment: considering someone who’s wronged you, you feel they no longer deserve anything from you, so you stop providing or cut back on any further resources, attention or acknowledgment
• with self-care: believe you don’t deserve the kind of care & attention you so willingly give others, so are stingy with providing them for yourself
• with generosity: assume you’re entitled to give some people or groups but not others (subjective-giving), while also having the self-delusion you’re actually generous to everyone

Type 2 VANITY (#3)
• Wish & hope that others would be as considerate as you are, & wonder why they pay so little attention to this important way of interacting
• Think you can get anyone you want to like you
• Believe you’re so good & selfless, while others seem to give into the baser motivate of self-serving self-interest

Type 2 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking :
• someone’s taken you for granted or used you
• not listened to or dismissed you
• when they’ve hurt other people

REACTION: you label them in negative ways – from being rude to having deeply rooted character flaws, AND decide to make someone ‘invisible’ by completely ignoring them
GROWTH – Practice expressing your own needs & feelings directly, & in real-time

ALSO
Type 2 DISTORTED LENS
Embellished focus: Exaggerate reality by adding elements not really there
Lesson: False-abundance you ‘picture’ is only potential, not reality

Type 2 HANGING ON (need to let go of)
Holding on to:
• being thoughtful, considerate, responsive, unselfish, without needs
• slights, when others have wronged you in some way (ignored or insulted you, accused you of bad intentions….)

Why: to keep ‘your sense of self as the person’ who is so good that you consistently put others above yourself (false modesty)
Let go of: the belief that your only value comes from how much you do for others

Type 2 put OFF-BALANCE by:
• When someone you care about (or want some sort of relationship with) moves away or avoids you for unknown reasons
• Putting yourself first, so you don’t do something for someone else, leading to great anxiety & guiltperfect
• Being in a social or business situation where no one responds to you

Type 2 MAYA (delusion)
Think that being so focused & intent on others means you can really do no wrong. Wrong!

Type 2 WORRY
“Will I be accepted? Have I hurt someone? Did I express myself too strongly or too weakly? Do I respect myself? Why am I so effected by other people’s reactions to me? Will the people I care about be OK? Who really cares about me?”

NEXT: Type flaws, #3