OUR SENSES & LEARNING – Touch (#2c)

kinestheric learningPREVIOUS: Auditory (#4b)

SITEs: Learning Style Preferences & ESL Students (Study)

6 important things you should know about how your brain learns


KINESTHETIC  (somatic/physical actions) Learning

About 35% of children &  5 – 15% of Adults learn most easily while moving (kinesthetic) or handling (tactile) things, which helps them understand the world around them.
Physical movement: The Cerebellum & motor cortex, at the back of the frontal lobe, are mainly in charge of much of the body’s activity
Kinesthetic thought: lets us experience bodily sensations, feelings & emotions, which come from immediate experience, memories or imagined situations

“Children enter kindergarten as kinesthetic/ tactile learners, moving & touching everything as they go. By 2nd or 3rd grade, some have become visual learners. During the late elementary years, others – mainly girls – become auditory learners, while many males keep their kinesthetic/ tactile strengths throughout their lives.” Rita Stafford and Kenneth J. Dunn; Allyn and Bacon, 1993)

antsy in schoolWhen young, these learners are life’s little wiggle worms, often mis-diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.
They’re smart & eager to learn, but first need their attention captured. Then their energy can be directed by drawing on their natural curiosity & offered hand-on activities.
They do best when they have something in front of them they can physically touch, and even better if they made it themselves.

They come to understand how to use their bodies & how to communicate with others by touch, most of which comes through feet & hands. So activities that focus on those body parts help them learn how to write, share their toys, button shirts, tie shoes, hold a fork…

Kinesthetic learners express themselves through movement, with the distinct ability to control the body’s actions & handle objects skillfully. Through interacting with the space around them, they are able to remember and process information, which allows for a good sense of balance & eye-hand co-ordination.

learn by doingDOING something active allows them to learn, which helps them stay focused & retain information. This can include taking note (an action), but use their own language to express what they’re hearing.

They need external stimulation, otherwise they may lose interest, preferring to think broadly before going in-depth. It doesn’t mean they act before thinking or are reckless, but that they understand things better by getting immersed in a situation or lesson, in order to evaluate facts for themselves.

Learning a physical skill by first visualizing the activity (dance, a sport, driving…. ) is known to be very successful.
EXP:
Focus on the sensations you would expect for each activity or experience. So, for a tack (turn) on a sailboat, feel the pressure against your hand as you turn the rudder & the tension lessening on the ropes. Feel the wind change to the other side, feel the thud as the sail swaps with the wind, feel the boat speed up as you start the new leg….

Phrases used by Kinesthetics :
” I can’t get a grip on this // Stay in touch // That doesn’t sit right with me // I have a good feeling about this // My gut is telling me // I get your drift….”

Re. INTUITION (Clear sensing)
 This is actually getting vibes in the body such as Tingles, goosebumps, electricity, lump in throat, tickle in ear….

Gut Instinct
(Clear knowing)
Harder to describe – more of a crystal clear ‘I just know!”, like a ring or ping, but coming from the belly rather than the mind. Not so thick or dense as many deliberate thoughts.

abuse muscle painNOTE: All experiences of physical, sexual, verbal & emotional abuse are stored in the body (muscles, organs, energy centers….), and need to be released in movement, taking & crying.
Such history can be from childhood battering &/or incest, domestic abuse, war-time trauma, severe physical-illness-treatments or accidents…..

The physical expression of stored pain (getting it out) is necessary for all learning types, but especially for Kinesthetics – using experiential modalities, such as
Core Energetics, Psychodrama,
Trauma release exercises……
ASLO: Some books & LINKS to many therapies

General KINESTHETIC Characteristics
Remember, you’re not going to identify with every characteristic. which will depend on other factors, such as mixing in other learning styles, education & basic personality.

kinestetic char
NEXT: SMELL (4d)

ACoAs & Boundary INVASIONS (Part 3)

invisible THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME
So why do I feel invisible?

PREVIOUS: B. Invasions (#2)

BOOK: Healing from the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse: The Journey for Women~Karen Duncan

BOUNDARY INVASIONS (cont)
5. INCEST / sexual abuse (S.A.)
a. Overt
One of the great sorrows & tragedies of toxic families is the high incidence of sexual abuse. This is an abuse of power, not of sexual desire.
Any adult who perpetrates sexual abuse on a child is screaming their sense of powerlessness & is trying to compensate for that in a totally deviant way!
Not all are strictly pedophiles. Many abusers have unwanted sex with both adults and children, but their need to dominate a weaker person is at the very heart of their actions.sexual harassment
Sexual abuse is :
• any type of sexual contact between an adult & anyone under 18
• between a significantly older child & a younger child (sibling or non-family)
• when one person overpowers another, regardless of age

Generational Boundaries should never be blurred.
— In healthy families there’s a firm parental coalition with NO evidence of competing with their children. Each generation should have clearly marked territory. When they have a need, they seek out other peers.

— Shame-bound families are multi-generational, insular & loyal to toxic rules that demand control, perfectionism & denial.  They create chaos by promoting vague personal Bs & secrets, binding members together with fear of abandonment, trapping them in co-dependent alliances.
b. Covert
• In any form of sexual inappropriateness, the key is intension. Some actions may seem like ‘just being affectionate’ when in fact they’re not innocent, like a father who pays way too much attention to a daughter, attention which should rightly be directed to his wife or girlfriend.

Any parent who uses a child for their own gratification – either because of insecurity, being too isolated or their adult relationships are unsatisfactory – is only concerned with their own needs, so they are in no way loving!hug too tight

• Children crave & lap up attention, so having an over-attentive parent makes it easy for them to get caught in a web of lies & denial.
But they also know when something doesn’t FEEL right, even if they don’t have the words until they’re much older.
When a parent’s sexually-based attention is indirect ⏬️ (no penetration or other genital stimulation), it can be much more confusing for the child to identify as abuse, even when feeling creeped out.

ASK: Was there proper conduct at home (reasonable modesty)?
EXP – In many alcoholic & other dysfunctional homes, parents don’t bathe or groom themself … and are sexually indiscreet in their dress —> mother’s robe open to expose breasts, drunk father in loose shorts exposing private parts….

ALSO when a parent :
seduction• always paws at you, follows you around
• calls you ‘dirty’, a whore
• compulsively gives unnecessary enemas
• encourages sexually activity too early
OR
• hangs on to you in public, kisses on the mouth (esp. if you don’t want to)
• leaves pornography around
• listens in on your intimate conversations with a peer

• takes over your date or lover, making flirting comments
• talks about sex all the time, makes lewd jokes, refers to you in sexual terms
• watches you when you’re dressing or undressing, going to the toilet or bathing (you can tell when it’s not ‘clean’), or make you watch them
• walks in on you naked / often sleeps cuddled up to you
OR • having to sleep in parents’ bedroom for several years — subjecting you to see & hear parents having sex….

PRESENT: Our difficulty with Bs is a direct result of the atmosphere in our family, (review points 1 thru 5).
Boundary Invasions also occurred in school, on the playground, at church, in our neighborhood, with baby sitters….. SO, never blame yourself!

Naturally, now we’re responsible for correcting Bs, with the 3 As :
AWARENESS – how we were B invaded (add your own)
ACCEPTANCE – how we were damaged by it & act it out
ACTION – use whatever appropriate tools, groups & healthy people available to help our Recovery

NEXT: WEAK Boundaries – #1

SITE MAP of the ACoA website

 

“HEAL & GROW for ACoAs”
80+ pages of great info!  

Go to http://www.acoarecovery.com,
& click on SITE MAP to navigate

 

ABOUT ME
Pg. 81-83 • Info, Background & Testimonials

ACoA SYMPTOMS
3  • Laundry list, 12 Steps for ACoAs
4  • Unhealthy Parenting
5, 6   •  Expanded characteristics
7  •  NARCISSISTS – characteristics
8  • Cognitive Distortions, w/ examples

ARTICLE
69, 70 • “Healthy Opposites- Change Behavior to Change Your Life”

BARGAINs WITH FATE
12,13 •  Intro & 5 Bargains  (from Shakespeare’s plays)

BLOG
87 • as of 7/15/10 — 16 entries

BOOKS
84,85 • Recovery Titles

BOUNDARIES (Bs)
39  •  Definition, Purpose
40, 41  •  Unhealthy Bs
42-44  •  Healthy Bs  (emotional, mental, physical)

CO-DEPENDENCE
45, 46 • Definitions; Unhealthy & Healthy

COURSE
55-58 • “Knowledge is Power: What Makes an ACoA” outlines

DECISIONS
72 •  Good  & Bad Approaches
73-74 • Extensive List of Personal Values
75-76  • Types of Decision Makers
77-79  • Decision Making Criteria (1-5)

DEFINITIONS
52-54 • Brief explanations of Confusing Terms

4 FAMILY ROLES
20 • Toxic Roles: Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child, Mascot

EFFECTIVE RESPONSES
51 • Short & longer THINGS to SAY back to abuse or stupidity !

EMOTIONS
47 • Extensive list of emotions words
48-50 • Unhealthy & Healthy expressions/ uses of ANGER

FRIENDS
80 • Extensive list of characteristics

HEAD GAMES
9, 10 • 4 common games
11 •  4 more games, Expanded

INNER CHILD
14 – 17 • ‘Parent, Adult & Child’: Voices, Purpose, Characteristicssca0219
18, 19  • Developmental Stages, Memo from Child

LINKS
86 • @ Narcissists, etc.

NEW RULES
65, 66 • Healthy rules to take care of the Inner Child

RECOVERY
59, 60 • What it’s NOT & what it IS
61- 63  • Mental Health & Healthy Families
64  •  Benefits of Group Therapy

RELATIONSHIPS
23,24 • Issues & Beliefs
25-27 • Intimacy – Unhealthy & Healthy
28 • Love addiction; Power Plays
32 • LOVE – 5 languages, 5 Types
33 • TRUST – Who can, why not, How To
34 • Gay & Lesbian ACoAs
35 • M vs F ways of Responding
36 • 16 Men – by Myers-Briggs Typing
37 • Givers vs Takers

SAYINGS
67, 68 • Affirmations, Promises, Serenity Prayer

SEX & LOVE ADDICTION
29, 30 • Self-Diagnostic Qs

SEXUAL ABUSE
31, 32 • Survivors’ Symptoms;  Recovery

TOXIC RULES
21, 22 • Long & Short versions of dysfunctional childhood rules

WORK ISSUES
71 • ACoAs at Work; Healthy ways to work

NEXT: What id GUILT?