planning

Enneagram Type 8 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

type 8 

PREVIOUS: Type 7 flaws


IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post 
Associated Type is inside the ( )


Type 8 COWARDICE because of Cognitive Distortions (#6)
• re. asking for support: believe that only the weak ask for support, & that others aren’t strong enough to support you anyway
• re. appearing weak: think that showing any vulnerability or anxiety is a chink in your armor, which others will take advantage of
• re. being completely honest: think that you’re always truthful, even though it’s not always true (nor possible)

Type 8 FLATTERY (#2)
• Think strategically about how to “win over” potential opponents, by flattering them & appealing to their ego or self-interest
• Think it’s better to not say something that could be construed as negative, so you use deletion as a form of flattery
• Act completely interested in someone, then abruptly or completely withdraw – a good hint you weren’t really interested in the first place

Type 8 LAZINESS – Indolence (#9)
You don’t seem indolent – in fact you often seem to be in touch with reality, but…like all of us, you can also:
• Obsess about whatever you lust after (8’s excess) as a way of avoiding feeling vulnerable
• Believe your ‘truth’ or sense of reality is accurate, so can be too lazy to think through all other possibilities that are valid
• Go into mental denial that something’s wrong, even your health

Type 8 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Convinced there isn’t anyone who can or will truly support you
• Believe you can handle everything, big & small, so when you can’t, you can get lost in mental gloom & doom
• Think about the tremendous suffering & abuse in thvulnarablee world, which you believe you should be able to stop from happening

Type 8 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
• THINK about how to take charge
• how to not be taken advantage of
• how to get things under control
• how to expand you territory

Type 8 RESENTMENT (#1)
• be disgusted with & dismissive of someone who you believed in, when they – waste, misuse or not use – their potential
• confuse & obsess about something important you can’t make happen
• outraged when you’re not in control of something you believe you have a right to be in charge of

Type 8 STINGINESS (#5)
• about sharing power, because of assuming it’s limited. So if others have it, your own power is diminished
• about sharing your vulnerabilities, believing if you do, others will take advantage of it
• about your protectiveness, think you should & can protect others from abuse. But are highly selective about who you choose to ‘help’, & have trouble seeing when some of your behavior is abusive

Type 8 VANITY (#3)
• Think you’re stronger than other people
• Believe you can make happen anything you want to
• Think that your truth is The Truth

Type 8 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
• stepped on the down-trodden
• illegitimately challenged your authority
• not taken responsibility for their own negative behavior
• been untruthful and untrustworthy

REACTION: think about how to gain control & authority, as a way to dis-empower the other person and put them in their place
GROWTH: Ask “Am I sharing my sense of vulnerability, by showing my softer sides to both myself & others?”

ALSO
Type 8 DISTORTED LENS
One-dimensional – only seeing one version of reality
Lesson: A limited view of the truth/reality usually ignores all the other possibilities. Assuming we know exactly what’s happening doesn’t make it so, because Reality happens simultaneously as well as sequentially

Type 8 HANGING ON (Need to let go)
Hold on to: avenging wrongs done by others, being able to move mountains through your extraordinary will, energy & power, always being in command or in control
Why: To maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ is so strong you can protect anyone you choose, never showing weakness or vulnerability
Let go of: the belief you have to be big & strong all the time and under all circumstances

Type 8 get OFF-BALANCE by:
• someone standing up to you without backing down
• feeling highly vulnerable & not have the strength to hide itbe defended
• feeling exhausted and depleted

Type 8 MAYA (delusion)
Think that you don’t dare let your guard down because if you do, something terrible will happen to you. Most of the time – not.

Type 8 WORRY
“Who’s really strong enough to help or support me? What if I’m too strong? What if I’m not strong enough? What advantage will they take if I show my vulnerability? Why did they let me down?”

NEXT: All Flaws – Type 9

Enneagram Type 3 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

Screen Shot 2015-08-25 at 1.16.26 AM

 

PREVIOUS: Type 2 flaws

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category
in the INTRO post 
Associated Type inside the ( )

 

Type 3 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. failure: think that failure is simply not allowed in you vocabulary, or is something you’ve never experienced first-hand
• re. being unmasked: worry, often unconsciously, that you’ll be found out to be a fraud in some way
• re. intimacy: think you can’t get too close to others emotionally, because it would make you too vulnerable, be less able to function/ achieve, or reveal your inadequacy in this area

Type 3 FLATTERY (#2)
• think about how to create a positive impression in another’s eyes – by pretending to be more interested in the others than you actually are
• think through how to engage famous or important people, so that some of their celebrity rubs off on you
• never share your real thoughts about another person – especially negative ones – so you won’t ruin your image or your relationship

Type 3 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You’re often thought of as very focused (or over-focused), but many 3s use their Arrow Line to Nine as a break from stress. YOU:
• don’t want to think about anything serious, so get into relaxing routines (soc-med, jogging, food…), more as a way to not pay attention to yourself
• believe that emotions are a distraction from work, then escape into activity that will avoid them
• don’t reflect on who you really are. Instead, see yourselfshare success? as the persona you’ve created

Type 3 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Think of yourself as a fake who pretends to be something you’re not (or not fully) & eventually will get ‘caught’
• Believe you’re totally without value when something you’ve tried to do doesn’t work
• think you’re completely adrift & a nobody when you have no goals or plans

Type 3 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
Plan how to achieve a specific goal you’ve set for yourself, how to get from point A to point B as efficiently & effectively as possible

Type 3 RESENTMENT (#1)
• Obsess about why someone disrespected you for your abilities, then treat them in a way that shows a lack of respect
• Obsess about how someone in authority changed the rules of the game on you in mid-stream
• Can’t understand why other team members are so incompetent or show such a lack of commitment to your joint activity

Type 3 STINGINESS (#5)
• with time: think yours is more valuable than that of others
• with sharing success: Believe you must compete with others to be successful and win, or else you’ve failed
• with sharing certain information about yourself: think that opening up would make you seem less confident or not accomplished

Type 3 VANITY (#3)
• Decide, consciously or unconsciously, to delete information about yourself that would make you look bad
 to yourself & to others
• Think you can accomplish just about anything you set your mind to
• Believe you’re the image of success which you’ve created – confusing your Real Self with that image

Type 3 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone :
• has made you look bad or sabotaged you
• blamed you for a problem that was not you responsibility
• taken credit for your work

REACTION: dismiss the person as a ‘loser’ & think of ways to ignore them
GROWTH: Be willing to disclose information that may not make you look good or may not conform with my ‘public’ image – IF safe or appropriate

ALSO
Type 3 DISTORTED LENS
Narrow focus : embellish reality by assuming your accomplishments & qualities are better than you imagine them to be
Lesson: ‘Blinders’ on any part of your vision can make you miss the most important elements of a situation

Type 3 HANGING ON (need to let go)
Hold on to:
• under-expressed sadness, anxiety, anger
• being competent, resourceful, goal-driven, effective, successful, confident

Why: to keep your ‘sense of self as the person who’ can accomplish whatever you want by being goal orientated, & intensely focus
Let go of: the belief you must follow societal (or your social-referent group) standards of success to feel good about yourself

Type 3 put OFF-BALANCE by:
• having goals changed on you by an outside factor or individufalse freedomal
• not knowing what you want to do
• being ‘forced’ to discuss strong emotional reactions in depth

Type 3 MAYA (delusion)
Doing what you think you want is actually doing what you think you should want, & not understanding the difference between them

Type 3 WORRY
“What if I can’t really do this? What if I don’t live up to expectations? How do I know what I really want (rather than what I think I should want)? Will I get found out?”

NEXT: All Flaws – Type 4