moodiness

Enneagram Type 9 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, Self-esteem, self-help , , ,

type 9


PREVIOUS: All flaws – Type 8

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post 
Associated Type is inside the ( )

 

Type 9 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. self-assertion: believe it’s not OK to assert yourself in most situations. Instead, assume it’s best to not “make waves” or create controversy
• re. opinions: believe that either they don’t matter or that it is not worth the effort to express them
• re. conflict: think that it creates disharmony in relationships, & worry when someone is upset with you or when you’re upset with others

Type 9 FLATTERY (#2)
• Get into conversations with people you don’t like or are not interesting to you. Stay far longer than you’d like, while wondering how to continue so you won’t be considered rude
• Think of a way to draw out opinions from others, even when they’re boring, not knowledgeable or not very bright
• Think about how to offer time, energy & resources to someone you don’t think highly of or care about, just to be “nice” & avoid conflict

Type 9 LAZINESS (of mind or action) (#9)
• see only the positive side of your beliefs about people, situations, world events – as a way of maintaining harmony
• forget what matters to you, or what you truly think – as a way of not making waves or calling attention to yourself
• ignore or forget what you’re supposed to be doing (priorities) as a way to de-stress & not cause conflict – though it often creates more conflict later

Type 9 MOODINESS / melancholy (#4)
• believe that you don’t really matter
• see yourself as notable to stand up for yourself the way others can
• think you’re going to lose everything & everyone if you express your anger

Type 9 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
• about how not to plan
• how to not allow others to make demands or put pressure on you because of their plansambition

Type 9 RESENTMENT (#1)
• slow-burning angry thoughts when your opinions have not been taken seriously, & which has been building for a while
• think that others should be more open-minded & less judgmental when you’re in the middle of highly unbalanced thinking & actions
• ‘ugly’ thoughts that come up after you feel taken advantage of for being so nice & accommodating

Type 9 STINGINESS (#5)
• with expressing your ideas, believing what you have to say doesn’t matter as much as what others think
• with acknowledging your ambitions, seeing yourself as someone who’s humble & not competitive (even though it’s not always the case)
• with expressing anger, thinking that expressing your anger will damage or sever all relationships

Type 9 VANITY (#3)
• believe you’re above being ambitious
• see yourself above mere mortals who get reactive & angry
• think that when you muster the energy to state an honest opinion, it’s absolutely correct

Type 9 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
• chronically disrupted your peace & harmony
• been rude to you or others, particularly more than once
• ignored you, especially in a disrespectful way
• pressured, demanded or tried to control you
.

REACTIONS: try to keep others at a distance & from trying to control you, because of their plans
GROWTH: Ask “Am I taking a clear stand on issues, by expressing my thoughts & feelings directly, especially anger?”

ALSO
Type 9 DISTORTED LENS
Too loose lens (Type 9). Looking at things too openly & loosely means we miss the granulated nature of things (details). OR think that everything in our lens is equally important without enough distinctions
Lesson: When we observe in too broadly, we may see everything that’s there, but completely miss what’s most important.

Type 9 HANGING ON
Hang on to:
• being in positive resonance with others around you, at any cost
• not asserting or expressing yourself directly, & believe you don’t really matter as much as others

Why: to keep a sense of ‘self as someone who’ can bring reconciliation / harmony to disruption, rapport to discord, & agreement where there’s disrespect &/or misunderstanding
Let go of: the belief that the way you matter is to not matter

Type 9 get OFF-BALANCE by:
• feeling angry but not being willing to express it
• being pressured or have a demand to do something, especially something you don’t want to dohelping?
• being put in the middle of an unresolvable conflict between others for an extended period

Type 9 MAYA (illusion)
Think you’re so consistently kind & nice, without recognizing that your under-experienced & unexpressed anger has painful consequences for self & others

Type 9 WORRY
“What do I really think? Why was I ignored? How can I get rid of the external tension? Where is my passion? Why didn’t I say what I really thought?”

NEXT: Ennea Humor #5

Enneagram Type 6 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

type 6

PREVIOUS: Type 5 – All flaws

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post 
Associated Type is inside the ( )

 

Type 6 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. others: believe you can’t really trust or count on others (except a few you’ve tried & tested)
• re. yourself: believe you can’t fundamentally trust or count on yourself (even though experience shows you can, in most cases)
• re. authority: think that authority figures can’t be trusted or, at least must be carefully & continuously watched

Type 6 FLATTERY (#2)
• Mentally idealize people you want to think of as all “good”
• Think & say “nice” comments that aren’t completely true, to placate others or keep the peace
• Think it’s not OK to say what you really think to someone – if you’re anticipating a negative reaction

Type 6 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You seem to be very energized (in motion), but a person can be & still be indolent (not paying attention), which is most obvious in 6s
• Think only about the things that scare you
• Believe you can’t let yourself relax into ‘fun’ (truer for self-preserving & social sub-type 6s than one-to-one 6s)
• Can’t or don’t want to take the time to separate your projections from your motivations, hopes & fears

Type 6 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Believe you’re alone because no one can truly be counted on
• Project that others will always leave you at some point
• Blame yourself when things don’t go well, but also blame others, which ends up hurting your relationships, leaving you worried about loneliness

Type 6 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)relaxing
How to anticipate problems before they occur: • often automatically calculate what might be an obstacles for getting what you think is both possible, desirable, plausible or dangerous

Type 6 RESENTMENT (#1)
• Wonder why others are treating you badly (supposedly)
• Angry about how someone in authority could treat you badly after being consistently dutiful & loyal
• Project bad things will happen to you

Type 6 STINGINESS (#5)
• with trust: Believe you have to be really careful about who you trust, thinking you have to continuously “test” the integrity of others
• with self-confidence: Think that if you constantly question yourself, somehow the best/ safest answer will emerge
• with relaxing: Believe that if you relax too much or too long (or at all), something will inevitably go wrong

Type 6 VANITY (#3)
• Believe you’re the best problem solver
• Think that no one but you is reliable, & others are not trustworthy
• See yourself as the one who’s most able & willing to stand up for the group, if others don’t seem to be aware or courageous enough to do so

Type 6 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has :
• put pressure on you
• been deceptive & is therefore, dangerous
• appeared insincere & therefore, can’t be trusted
• acted abusively, & needs to be stopped

REACTION: think about how to keep yourself & others safe from this ‘bad’ person, which may include disarming them
GROWTH: Ask “Am I accurately separating projections & insights?”

ALSO
Type 6 DISTORTED LENS
Tainted color (grey) – vision is clouded by a grayish overlay
Lesson: Not everything is as cloudy, confused, or complex as we imagine when we’re anxious

Type 6 HANGING ON
Hang on to:
• always having to be the person who raises difficult issues
• to the assumption that everyone & everything in your environment is harmful to you & others
• not being able to trust others, especially anyone in position of strong influence or authority 


Why: to maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ understands the risks & uncertainty of being in the world, & can overcome this with your mind
Let go of: the belief that true authority only ‘lives’ outside yourself

Type 6 get OFF-BALANCE by:
• authority figure acting unpredictably or rashly, that could harm you people or ideas/ causes that matter to you
• seemingly high-risk situations that take you by surprise
• any outside pressure to do something when you’re not preparedhard work

Type 6 MAYA (delusion)
That if you focus & work very intensely on an issue or problem, that effort will definitely get the issue solved or resolved. This is not always the case.

Type 6 WORRY
“Why do I worry all the time? What should I do here? What dreadful thing might befall me? Why do I feel not fully part of things? Why do I hold onto my concerns for so long? Why do people have so many hidden agendas”

NEXT: All flaws – Type 7

Enneagram Type 1 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

type 1 flaws
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE
just so!

PREVIOUS: ALL Type flaws – Intro

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post   Associated Type is inside the ( )

 

Type 1 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. hurting others : only worry about having done something really bad – been harshly judgmental, projected your anger on to someone who didn’t deserve it or ‘stepped on your toes’….
• re. making mistakes : obsessed with getting everything right without any errors, being correct & appropriate
• re. spontaneity : believe it’s not OK – even dangerous – to not have tight controls on your impulses & actions

Type 1 FLATTERY – by: (#2)
• ‘Forget’ your legitimate objections to someone you despise, as a way of suppressing your anger (‘reaction formation’)
• Make logical excuses for the poor character or behavior of another because this person exhibits something you admire
• THINKING about how to be polite & well-mannered toward others at times when you really don’t want to

Type 1 LAZINESS (Indolence) (#9)
You may not seem lazy at all, since you’re so precise & action-oriented. But on closer examination i’s there but re-directed.
Indolence is actually one of your disowned characteristics, a not-me quality that gets projected onto others. (‘Nine Lenses on the World’)
EXP:
√ Focus too much on getting one thing ‘just right’ leads to ignoring other factors or events that are equally or much more relevant & important
√ Taking on so much of your #7 Arrow qualities, you only focus on chasing pleasure, at the expense of important activities & responsibilities, being blind to the consequences of slacking off
√ Paying so much attention to your own opinions that you ignore other people’s ideas

Type 1 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Believe that another person is really bad or without value because they made a mistake
• Obsess on what’s missing in your life because something’s imperfect, or didn’t live up to your expectations
• Think you’re really bad or worthless for having made a mistake, or done something you’re not proud of (being human)

friendlyType 1 PLANNING (as compulsion) (#7)
When stressed – obsessively thinking about how to re-structure & organize a task in a normal situation, as if your life depends on it

Type 1 RESENTMENT – by: (#1)
• Constantly judgmental, dividing the world into all-good vs. all-bad, right-wrong, appropriate-inappropriate, should-should not
• Keeping mental track ONLY of what’s wrong in most situations
• Noticing other people’s ‘mistakes’ & not letting it go – “How could he do that?, Why can’t people be more responsible?”….

Type 1 STINGINESS (#5)
• re. Appreciation: focused so much on mistakes that you’re stingy about offering compliments to yourself & others
• re. Openness: Assuming you’re THE “holder” of rules & standards, the ‘correct’ one, stingy about acknowledging opposing viewpoints
• re. Sharing: not willing to share or give away something lovely & unique, as if that would lessen the value of the “precious” object

Type 1 VANITY (#3)
• Assume you’re superior because you have ‘higher’ standards
• Believe you’re the arbiters of excellence – because you can ‘recognize’ quality better than most
• Convinced your commitment to being responsible in every way is so much greater / deeper than in others

Type 1 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has :
• criticized or lied to you
• not acted responsibly
• taken arbitrary control

REACTION: make accusations & blame them, or be disapproving & dismissive, which shows in obvious body-language (turn your back, frown, sneer, silence…..)
GROWTH – Ask: “Am I willing to listen with an open heart & mind, & to forgive?

ALSO
Type 1 DISTORTED LENS
Too tight, squinting – Only see some things around you while missing others
Lesson: If you only look for what’s precise, right or clear, you can mistakenly assume something that looks great is worthwhile – when it isn’t, OR ‘see’ everything as flawed – when it’s actually fine as is

Type 1 HANGING ON TO
Hold on to: Resentments (which build up), being right or in control, not making mistakes, compulsively keeping your structured life ‘just so’
Why: to keep your sense-of-self as someone who’s faultless, responsible
Let go: of the belief that everything must be perfectly ordered & executed

Type 1 put OFF-BALANCE by:
• Being convinced you’ve made a mistake or that you inevitably will
• Being criticized, either by yourself, a respected person, or both
• Not dealing with your anger / resentment.
SO become overly upset with someone else’s minor ‘infraction’ (real or imagined). Then – feel remorse & guilt / S-H for getting so angry at them
perfectionism reward

Type 1 MAYA (delusion)
Think that being so completely self-controlled will give you the joys & pleasures you want, as a reward for being so good. Not always!

Type 1 WORRY
“Will I get this right? Will I be fully prepared? Have I offended someone or been impolite? Will I lose control of myself? Will I feel incompetent? What if I did something wrong?”…..

NEXT: All Type FLAWS – Type 2