RIGHT ACTION
makes life easier

PREVIOUS: PROCESS – (#1)

Posts: “Toxic Beliefs” // “Risk”
“Why Are You Stuck?”

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

BOOKs:  “Recycles of Power” & “Cycles of life”, ~ Pam Levin

REVIEW: ‘Emotional processing happens when we can cope with distressing events – over time, so that new experiences can occur (stressful or not) without a return to the previous upset. Everyone goes through things that cause pain, but for most people those emotions don’t last.

Why do some look at a situation without fear while others are gripped by a fear or anxiety so strong they are paralyzed? Scientific research has identified  the cause as cognitive-emotional processing, in which both feelings regarding the incident and thought processes were involved — not just an overly emotional response or a lack of normal emotional processing ability.’ (“Anxiety & T.E.A.“) 
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HEALTHY PROCESS  (2a cont)
a. Awareness  //  b. Acceptance

c. ACTIONS
i. WHAT – Present-day behavior patterns are :
• based on how the real world works & our many experiences
• motivated by self-respect & permission to act on our own behalf
• the result of S & I – taking center stage in our own life
• considering our effect on others, without being co-dependent

ii. HOW
• always looking for possible, appropriate options
• asking for, gathering & using a variety of help
• considering realistic consequences
• learning by trial & error, & never giving up
• taking appropriate risks, then observing the results

iii. WHO – Definitely by the “UNIT”
• Healthy Adult – the competent, objective part of us that has accumulated knowledge & experience about ourself & the world
• Loving Parent – the mature care-taking part of us that has both kindness & boundaries, patience & limits, compassionate but realistic

vi. ABOUT
• acting on our needs & in accordance with spiritual beliefs
• always give ourselves & others enough time to get things done
• it’s based on sound planning, & knowing our current limitations
• choose activities that are pleasurable but not self-destructive
• consider both the ‘price’ & rewards of our actions
• do things for our own growth, not just for others

• know timing – don’t force or try to control but don’t wait too long, don’t try to do too much at the same time or schedule things too close together
• NOT use activities to cover up self-hate, loneliness, avoiding painful emotions & relationship difficulties
• some actions need to be repeated many times, to be effective
• sometimes NO action is the best option
• stop to decide what to say or do, before ‘jumping’ (not reacting)
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RECOVERY – 2 major ways to change our actions:
1. Do the opposite of our old behavior patterns (“Actions: Healthy Opposites” post). The trick is knowing what rational, healthy opposites are

2. Doing the same activity for an opposite reason.
The basic issue here is motive. This is even trickier, unless we are clear what our reasons are for taking actions. And, others may not understand, so some people will give us a hard time, or walk away frustrated & disgusted

EXP:  We may repeat an old behavior : staying in bed a lot, sleeping longer than usual, spending more time alone than with others (assuming we’re not physically ill), eating ‘family type’ foods
a. Old Motivation: To escape, to not feel old pain, not deal with difficult life situations, fear of ‘people, places & things’

b. Healthy Motivation (same action, new reason)
• to recover from re-experiencing deep emotional trauma (childhood pain)
• to process a major stressor in the present (death, divorce, moving, marriage, a baby, new job, a fire…), when too many things are happening at once, especially if we have no control over those events
• recover from Introject attacks – because we’re doing so well (back lash)
• catch up on a lot of positive, new input – internally or externally
• resting up after a big event (wedding, surgery, travel….)

➼ Also: IF we can NOT take some positive actions we would like to. YET – we can practice patience – keep working at it & never give up!

NEXT: Ego States – Summary