I’M ON THE LEVEL –
so you can believe me

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SITE: How to be Assertive without being Arrogant

Virginia Satir’s ROLES
All roles are learned in childhood. The 4 unhealthy ones are created as defense mechanisms but end up a threat to the personality – preventing us from being loved, trusted or being able to fully grow.
Satir gives 7 reasons why we use these patterns:
• I might make a mistake     • I might impose   • They might leave me
• Someone will criticize me      • Someone might not like it
• They’ll think I am no good    • I might be thought of as imperfect

The dysfunctional roles are: Blamer, Computer, Distracter &Placater
❀ The Leveler is the only healthy role

1. LEVELERS
a. Style: Satir suggested that 4.5% of people will typically use this style, but many psychologists think this is optimistic. THEY :
• are comfortable with their emotions & can easily discuss them when appropriate
• are dependable because they are trust & honor their observations & perceptions
• are emotionally balanced, assertive (not aggressive) & can relate to many types of people
• apologize when making a mistake – without shame – & can evaluate the situation fairly, without blaming others
THEY:
• deal with a threat rather than fighting it, sweeping it under the carpet or running away
• engage in honest, direct, clear communication – in real-time whenever possible
• establish rapport before trying to influence others, so can bring people together
• experience few threats to their self-esteem, accept average stress as normal, are comfortable with ambiguous & uncertain situations
THEY:
• have easy, free & honest relationships with reasonable people
• have conscious positive intentions behind everything they do
• hold strong positive but realistic beliefs about themself & others
• look for solutions, work out problems realistically & appropriately, so their communication style helps resolve conflicts
THEY:
• may talk intellectually (like the “Computer”), as when lecturing or explaining something, but their emotions are still available
• operate from strong personal values & a store of positive images
• respond to situations in a consistent but not rigid way – conducting their life with integrity, commitment & creativity
• ‘tell it like it is’, without exaggerating or minimizing situations

b. Energy Fuel (from Mary Jo Bulbrook)
• Levelers are able to hold their ground, clearly communicate their needs, set physical & emotional energetic boundaries
• All chakras are about equal, open & flowing, allowing energy to come in & go out easily
• Potential impact on receiver : Levelers help things grow, & enhance the flow of other people’s energy

c. Statements: “I’m relaxed & comfortable because I‘ve got nothing to hide”.  “I like you”.
An important aspect of leveling is the use of “I” statements, which express what they really mean, describe their feelings & wants, while recognizing the feelings & wants of others

d. Stance – if physically healthy
• body, voice & facial expressions all give the same message
• body faces directly toward others, head vertical, relaxed face, even eyebrows, shoulders & hips level, heels directly below the shoulders so that legs are slightly apart, feet facing forward
• both palms face down, fingers out flat, slightly wider than the body – as if trying to level the situation

NOTE : Leveling is a psychological & emotionally healthy quality. It does not depend on physical health. Therefore – mental health is not diminished in people with physical disabilities or advanced age

e. Source of Power: from deep self-esteem, finding the most effective behavior for creative problem-solving & in cooperating with others

f. Negative: they consistently state facts, are straightforward & tell the truth, according to their understanding. This makes some people uncomfortable who may feel insulted & get angry at the Leveler –  arguing & justifying themself, or avoid altogether

g. Positive:  Re. SELF –  Satir found that when people start to level (be real), they connect to their body, heart, feelings & brains, which leads to finding their souls & their humanity.
Re. OTHERS – because Levelers are fair & trustworthy, others can depend on them, so they attract people who are also interested in transparency, & no drama.

NEXT: BLAMER Role