Alcoholics Anonymous

MBTI – Introvert vs Extrovert ANATOMY (Part 2)

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PREVIOUS: E/I anatomy #1

SITE: “How to read body language…”

 

Es = Extroverts
Is = Introverts

1. NERVOUS SYSTEM  //  2. FACES

👁 👁 3. EYES
Some studies suggest that eyes of Es are drawn to warmer colors, like red & orange (exciting), while eyes of Is go toward cooler ones like blue & green (quiet). It may be related to Es finding their energy in activities, people & things, while Is are more energized from within.

There are 2 primary iris types – Jewel & Flower, modified by 2 secondary patterns – either Stream or Shaker. (longer descriptions). Personality styles are different for each, modified by other factors such as birth order, physical environment …..
Iris structure indicates a fundamental genetic tendency, rather than what someone has developed or learned throughout life. (shorter)

JEWEL: Thinking-oriented, analytical type // FLOWER: Feeling-oriented
STREAM: Kinesthetic type  // SHAKER: Extremist or movement-oriented

Using the structural indicators of a person’s heritage – irises of Is & Es were compared by looking at the ring of expression, based on variations in fiber density encircling the pupil. This physical ring suggests how far out from their core a person is psychologically willing to extend themselves (E vs I style), & how easy it is for others to pick up on their energy field.

For Extroverts – the ring is quite a distance from the pupil, (arrows), easily noticeable, showing a greater outward-orientation.
It’s considered a physical expression of the basic underlying E personality:
The wider the eye’s central aperture, the easier & ‘wider’ Es can express themself, since they’re more likely to extend themself to whoever’s nearby

With Introverts, the ring of expression is so close to the pupil that it’s much harder to find – one has to get very close & really focus to see it at all. This is considered a reflection of the I style – the tendency to be invisible – a familiar but irritating & perplexing condition (to Es). It’s especially noticeable in withdrawn ‘extreme introverts’. (see last ¶ in Part 1)

👍🏽 👎🏽 4. HANDS
Using the ‘BIG 5’ Dimensions, research exploring hand prints identified 6 different sets of ‘vertical’ patterns for Es & Is, consistent in both male & female groups. (Holland, 1992)
Recent studies have added a 7th vertical hand factor related to these dermato-glyphic lines, making it possible to separate all Es from all Is who were studied. Detailed phantom pictures made for the hand help to identify underlying biological mechanisms. (⬇ CHART info) (Also See Google Images)

NOTE that these finding represent averages – interesting but not definitive.
EXP:  Based on the charts, this female ENFJ has
• the long middle finger AND the head-line crease not quite touching the life-line of introverts, BUT
• the wider palm width of extroverts & the relatively straight unconnected heart-line of ambiverts                                                      

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EXTROVERT hand indicators
Shape: • Shorter palm width, relative to breadth
• Hi mount of moon vs. mount of venus
Fingers: • short, relative to palm breadth
• Low 2D:4D digit ratio (thumb to ring finger)
Lines: • Sharply curved upward heart-line crease
• Heart-line crease connected to life-line

INTROVERT hand indicators are the reverse.

👄 5. LANGUAGE / Talking
People communicate differently because of the longer vs shorter brain-blood-pathway, which can lead to forming the wrong conclusions about each other, causing many misunderstandings
• Es tend to engage by jumping into conversation, without enough reflection. Is are more likely to take the time to think, which can make them seem ‘slow’ or stuck-up

• Es talk more abstractly, (“This article is interesting / Lets get some food”). Most are spontaneous, moving quickly thru their life, so are not as verbally accurate or detailed. People scoring higher in extroversion tended to use more words having to do with relationships

• Is are more concrete (“This article is very informative / Maybe we could go for dinner”). They tend to be more cautious (with words like: perhaps, maybe…), use more articles (the/a) – which refer to objects or events rather than people, & more quantifiable terms (#s, dates, times….)

Re. learning a second language, Es have the upper hand because they’re more willing to push whatever they know to the limit. Unlike Is, they take more risks in using what they learn – more willing to make conversation in the new language, in & out of the classroom.

NEXT :  Introversion, #1

MBTI – Introvert vs Extrovert ANATOMY (Part 1)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Psychotherapy, recovery


PREVIOUS: Brains Overview

SITEs: Surprising things re our BRAIN 

 

 


Interesting:
Studies show that the average distribution of extrovert factors varies around the world.
EXP: people in Europe & the US score higher as Es than people from Asia

Es = Extroverts   //  Is = Introverts

1. NERVOUS SYSTEM (NS): The 2 branches (central, peripheral) produce the body’s involuntary functions – what’s normally not under our conscious control (circulation, breathing, temperature control, digestion).

a. Sympathetic NS response (Dopamine) = Fight or flight.
It produces a thoracolumbar outflow, from neurons starting in the thoracic & cervical areas of the spinal cord, mobilizing physical activities needed to deal with stress, potential /imagined threat, or actual /imminent danger (increased energy & cardiac output, dilating bronchial passages….)

b. Parasympathetic NS (Acetylcholine) = Rest & digest.
It produces a ’cranio-sacral’ outflow from neurons starting in the brain & lowest area of the spinal cord – responsible for the body’s ability to recuperate & return to a balanced state (homeostasis – conserves energy, increases intestinal & glandular activity)

Reminder: The RAS (reticular activating system) is at the top of the spinal cord – in the brain stem – essential to our alert conscious state. It determines the general level of arousal – indicating where someone fits on the extroversion-introversion continuum.
Broadly, the RAS in Is has a higher alert setting, making them much more aroused to start with, so need less input from the outside than Es do.

👩🏽 🧓🏼 2. FACES
Event-related potentials (ERPs) are very small voltages generated from all brain structures in response to specific sensory, mental or motor events. (MORE…..)

Brain Fingerprinting is a new computer-based way to measure electrical brain waves reacting to words, phrases & pictures. It uses EEGs to identify the ERP known as P30o (P3) , a non-invasive way to evaluate brain functioning. This specific waveform is considered an indicator of human attention, i.e. how fast the brain notices that something has changed. It’s a reaction to decision-making, when doing certain tasks, or by a sudden change in the environment.   ( Dr. Lawrence Farwell)

❇ One study was designed to see if Es are more sensitive than Is to stimuli in social situations (faces). Electrodes covering the parietal lobe of 28 subjects scanned for P3 waves.
Subjects were shown a series of male faces, & then every so often a female face. They were also shown pictures of purple flowers interspersed with yellow ones.

Those who had previously scored high for extroversion showed a greater P3 response to human faces, but no correlating reaction to flowers. It suggests that faces, & people in general, have more meaning to Es, which encourages them to be more interested in socializing.
Conversely, Introverts – shown the same series of images – had about the same level of P3 responses to both faces & flowers, suggesting their brains react to people about the same as to inanimate objects.

❇ Another study focused on how the brain reacts to happy faces.
Research has shown that the amygdala ‘lights up’ in response to socially & emotionally meaningful images, & consistently so in reaction to fearful faces – compared to neutral ones.

But amygdala results in people looking at pleasant / happy faces was inconsistent. To account for that, Stanford scientists started by testing subjects on the Big 5 O.C.E.A.N. traits, specifically for Extroversion & Neuroticism, & then showed student volunteers pictures of fearful & happy faces, using brain scans.
FYI: Right amygdala generates ‘negative’ emotions like fear & sadness.
Left amygdala can create both pleasant emotions, like happiness – & unpleasant ones.
FINDINGS
• The amygdala in people with high extroversion scores was “turned on” more by happy facial expressions, & more than to all the other ‘Big 5’ traits, but not significantly to other expressions, such as fear, sadness or anger.
It indicates why more-outgoing people find social situations pleasurable.

• Volunteers with test scores slanted towards Neuroticism (tendency to anxiety, worry or insecurity) had no significant amygdala reactions to any of the emotional expressions. This suggest why up-beat interactions are neutral or unfulfilling for Is – but not WHY some amygdalas under-react.

Reminder: Is are by definition not neurotic, but because of their normal inward-focus, when they are ‘wounded’, some are said to suffer from ‘extreme introversion’ (severe shyness or social phobia) – debilitating conditions preventing them from forming meaningful relationships.

NEXT: E vs I Anatomy #2

MBTI: E vs. I Brains – OVERVIEW

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PREVIOUS: E vs I brains #2

SITE: ‘The Brain that changes itself” – Norman Daidge, M.D.

 

 

 

The Brains Behind ‘Grey Matters’   ↗️ Grey Matters Columbia University (CU), a joint Barnard and Columbia literary journal that premiered in spring 2021, seeks to make neuroscience more accessible to the public. #

 

Introverts & Extroverts have different levels of arousal – meaning the extent to which our minds & bodies are alert & responsive to stimulation

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Es have a lower basic rate of arousal. They need to work harder to be up to the same ‘normal’ state that Is might reach quite easily, because Is‘ rate of arousal is much higher.
«

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Hedonic tone ⬆️ is the degree of pleasantness or unpleasantness associated with a given subject, state or circumstance. Also known as positive or negative valence.

NEXT : E / I  ANATOMY, #1

MBTI – Introvert vs Extrovert BRAINS (Part 2)

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PREVIOUS: E vs I brains #1

SITE: Surprising Brain facts

Es = Extroverts   //   Is = Introverts

FACTORS re. Biological Differences between I & E brains (cont.)
2. BRAIN QUADRANTS // 3. BLOOD FLOW – Front vs Back

4. Blood Flow & NEURO-TRANSMITTERS
Blood of Es & Is brains travel on different pathways in response to a wide variety of stimulation. Each style uses a completely different neurotransmitter, which take a different amount of stops in the brain along the way to processing ideas, info, experiences, interactions….. These chemicals direct where the blood goes, & regulate how much of it flows to various centers, influencing what parts of the Central Nervous System (CNS) are turned ON.
✳ Extroversion is linked with energy-spending dopamine/ adrenaline, while Introversion is linked with energy-preserving acetylcholine.

Energizing: Dopamine (D) is the ‘activating’ transmitter which produces good feelings that come from social interaction, physical activities & passion. The D-system affects how we learn & respond to novelty. Setting off an external response, it motivates us to go after situations that are rewarding.

The amygdala & nucleus accumbens (which encode new motor skills) are important components of the brain’s D-reward activation, responsible for processing emotional stimuli, & giving Es a rush when trying something highly exciting. And D’s sidekick Adrenalin makes more D when released from the sympathetic nervous system, needed for fight or flight reactions when we’re faced with real or assumed danger.

Calming: Acetylcholine (A) is the ‘inhibiting’ transmitter that also helps us feel good, but as a relaxing influence. When set off, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, along with  the hypothalamus, providing an internal response that lets us slow down, to maintain or safeguard energy. A is like D’s alter ego, creating a sense of satisfaction & contentment, & plays a role in dreaming & imagination.

Acetylcholine fuels our ability to think deeply, reflect & focus for long periods of time on one thing. It rewards mental concentration by giving hits of ‘happiness’ – but not the charge of glucose & oxygen needed for physical energy.

• Extroverts & D
 Research has shown that Es have more Dopamine receptors in their brains (than Is), so they need much more of this chemical to fill all those ‘slots’. More activity means producing more D, with then pushes Es to continue social interaction, activity & excitement.
Interesting: People born with a longer D-receptor gene are more likely to become thrill-seekers & adrenaline junkies – if stressed for too long.
• Introverts & D
Is have fewer receptors in the same area that generates D, the substantia nigra, so they need a very specific limited level of dopamine, but a greater amount of acetylcholine – to be comfortable. A normal amount for Es will easily be too much for Is, which can eventually lead to agitation, depression, or mental illness if Is don’t get enough stress-relief.

5. CIRCUITS
Both styles respond to incoming info from activities picked up by the spinal column (SCS). From there, the I’s brain-path accesses memories or information. Es brain-path mainly accesses sensory info.

➡️ For E’s – when activities stimulate their brain, a Dopamine-response is trigger . The pathway makes a 5-stop circuit (shorter & less complicated) which runs through areas where taste, touch, visual & auditory sensory processing take place.

#2. Data from the RAS goes to the Hypothalamus (thirst/ appetite / temp) switching on the ‘Full Throttle’ system
#3. a relay station amplifying the stimuli
#4. the emotional center – & Es is associated with actions, the motor area being lit up
#5. connects movements to—> short-term memory access, to—> the center for learning, as well as processing sensory & emotional stimuli

↗️  For Is, activities trigger Acetylcholine, needed to balance out any potential or actual overwhelm. It makes a 7-stop loop traveling through areas of the brain dealing with info, meaning, planning, remembering & problem solving. This uses 40% more energy than the extrovert-dopamine circuit. 
#1. Stimuli enter the RAS at the top of the brain stem –  less active in Is
#2. data is interpreted & the brain placed in ‘Throttle down’ mode
#3. is the relay station turning sensory signals down
#4. where speech & activates self-talk is planned
#5. selects, plans & chooses ideas or actions. Forms expectations & evaluates outcomes
#6. is for environmental awareness & info sent to long-term memory
#7. the emotional center where feelings are attached to thoughts

⬅ In high activity situations, the 2 styles are opposite, because different brain areas are activated.

NEXT: E & I body parts

MBTI – Introvert vs. Extrovert BRAINS (Part 1)

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PREVIOUS: E vs I brains #1

SITE: BRAIN BASICS: Know your brain‘
• NeuroScupting – to relieve anxiety
• Lisa Wimberger Explains Neurosculpting
Es = Extroverts  // Is = Introverts


FACTORS: As already indicated in previous posts, no one is totally one extreme of the other.
However, there are very real biological differences between the brains of Introverted & Extroverted people. Advances in neuro-chemical research show they are more than just psychologists’ observations, but rather rooted in science. Several physiological components contribute to the overall variants.

1. The ARFS : In 1967 Hans Eysenck suggested that the disparity depends on our Ascending Reticular Formation System (ARFS) at the top of the brain stem. It connects the major nerves of the spinal column to the brain – sorting out millions of stimuli coming in every second – letting in the vital ones through, to alert the processing mind.

It’s purpose is to insure the brain receives an optimal amount of stimulation to be happy – at all times. We regulate that system by socializing. Too little & we’re bored, too much & we’re overwhelmed.
Is already have a fairly high level of brain-stimulation, so it doesn’t take as much external activity to be satisfied. Es start out with a lower level of stimulation, so need a lot more social interaction to feel good.

So, behavioral differences between Es & Is are due to predispositions in cortical arousal – the speed & amount of the brain’s activity. External circumstances together with these predispositions determine how a person responds to their experiences.

In Es the ARFS is ‘tight’, (Low arousal) making them less reactive to events, making them crave more input. (More….)
For Is the ARFS is wide open & so processes more incoming info per second (High arousal). Their risk is getting too much input, which drains them. EXP: Is are more likely to have ADHD because of a higher sedation threshold. 

Interesting: Some consider the ARFS the gateway to consciousness – an awareness of Self & one’s environment. If we mentally form a clear intention about something we want (specific goal, dream, need….), it is automatically programmed to filter for it!  BUT, damage to it from long-term over-stimulation (constant trauma) causes PTSD.

2. BRAIN QUADRANTS: The specialization differences between Front (Cerebral mode) & Back (Limbic mode) is much more pronounced than the differences between the Left & Right. Most of the areas that initiate action & speech are in the front, while the back gathers & processes data. (More def…) (4 Types def…)

Left & Right quads control different aspects of thought & action:
• L1 = Working memory. Rational Self: analytical, defining, factual, prioritizing
• L2 = Participation. Safekeeping self: experiencing, detailed, maintaining, organized, structural
• R1 = Assimilation. Experimental self: conceptual, envisioning, interpreting, strategic & unorthodox
• R2 = Motivation. Feeling self: harmonizing, interpersonal, relating, sensitive, social.

3. BLOOD FLOW – Front vs Back
Blood flow to any area of the body indicates its activation. A 1999 study focused on the differences between Es & Is, done by carefully measuring the cerebral blood flow in both groups, using PET scans. It found that:

• Introverts have more blood flow to their frontal lobes & anterior thalamus – causing more neuronal activity – than Es – the front of their brain highly stimulated by solitary activities – encouraging an inward focus.
Also, their premotor cortex absorbs external stimuli more quickly – more info coming in faster can flood the brain if not regularly processed. This may explain why Is need more private reflection-time, to analyze ideas & think things through.

• Extroverts get more blood flow to their temporal lobes, posterior (rear) thalamus & anterior (front) cingulate gyrus – mainly back of brain areas involved with interpreting sensory data, giving them an outward focus.

Interesting: A 2012 study of the prefrontal cortex (Fp), a highly complex brain region associated with abstract thought & decision-making, found that:
• People who identify as Is tend to have larger & thicker gray matter in certain areas of the Fp, possibly because they devote more neural resources to abstract pondering.
• Es tend to have thinner gray matter in those same Fp areas, perhaps because they prefer to live in the moment (exercising other parts of the brain more).

NOTE: This is NOT a measure of intelligence but rather an indication of usage. Like our muscles, the more a body part is used the bigger it gets.

NEXT: E & I brains #2

ACoAs: PATIENCE vs Co-dependent Waiting (Part 3)

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PREVIOUS:
Co-dep vs Patience #2

POST:  S & I: Healthy….(Part 3) Process, point #3.


HEALTHY PATIENCE (cont.)
Real patience :
• is based on self–TRUST, an aspect of the True Self , rather than trusting others – too little or too much. This trust is the result of taking care of our needs & knowing what our destiny/ bliss/ passion’ is. It’s being willing to keep working toward them no matter how long it takes or how hard the path is to get there, believing we can last out the tough times.  This minimizes or eliminates envy & jealousy – because we have the right & power to provide for ourselves, so that needing to be Patient is not so frustrating

• requires a decent handle on boundaries, having learned what’s ‘my stuff’ vs. what’s yours – which can only come from knowing oneself well (inventories, Meetings, therapy, dreams, healthy adult mirroring….). Then patience is waiting to see what others can or are willing to do for themselves

• is working toward appropriate (do-able) goals, step by step, knowing it takes time to accomplish something worthwhile, knowing that some things take longer than others. (College was 4 yrs, meeting husband-to-be took going to singles dances for 7 yrs, Recovery – ongoing for the last 40 yrs!)

Real patience :
• comes from using our intuition, intelligence & experience to know when to “hold ’em & when to fold ’em” – letting things develop naturally
— Sometimes we just need to wait for a better (human) time, for a more appropriate location or person, for more emotional healing, for H.P.’s timing
— Sometimes we need to admit when something we want is not healthy, & let go of the original desire/demand, OR know when something is simply not possible – the way we want it – & then look for alternatives or change the goal

• is having realistic expectations – knowing how things actually work in the real world. This includes accepting that most setbacks are temporary.
EXPs: starting an online biz can take 3-5 years to become profitable
— calling a company for help or info usually takes 3-5 calls – long waits, no help, calling back, going thru several people – before getting THE answer or appointment
— having to wait for a physical injury to heal completely
— waiting in a line of any kind, a time to multi-task (context-switching, #3)……

• knowing what triggers our impatience – old childhood buttons from things that were done to us over & over – & still bother us, a lot!  Patience is a virtue because it requires self-control, so we don’t ruin things for others by anxiety & selfishness

It means accepting that we:
• can’t force an issue or project to go faster than possible – called process.   Planning, evaluation & measurement all take time
• don’t expect mates, children friends…. to be in the same place we are at the moment. Instead, we can continue our own life based on the principles of the Program (like Step 12, attraction not promotion) – allowing others their own timing
• not demand to be heard or understood in all situations & by everybody (stores, banks, service people…. loved ones…..)

BENEFITS
🍀 Reduces stress, minimizing anger & overwhelm
🍀 Develops understanding & compassion for others because we know what it takes to deal with life’s ups & downs
🍀 We make better decisions, avoiding as many mistakes, by taking the time to assess each situation, see the big picture, weigh the pros & cons, then choose the best option at the time

With patient, persistent effort, using everything in our Recovery tool box, we can apply the Serenity Prayer correctly & wrap ourself in love-energy as we wait for good things to come – while enjoying what we already have!

NEXT: MBTI – Introvert vs Extrovert BRAINS

ACoAs: PATIENCE vs Co-dependent Waiting (Part 2)

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PREVIOUS: Co-dep vs Patience #1

SITE: How to cope with waiting for news

QUOTE: “Good character is not formed in a week or a month.  It is created little by little, day by day, by protracted patience” – Heraclitus of Ephesus

PASSIVE PATIENCE (cont.)

Co-dep also shows up as IMPATIENCE, annoyance, intolerance, worry, fear & distrust
• It’s demanding what we want, right now (instant gratification), because any delay in getting a need or a desire met is taken by the WIC as a definite “NO – you can’t ever have it, so shut up & go away!” from the PP (Negative Introject)

• It’s rushing relationships, to get that feeling of instant attachment, which is actually symbiosis. It’s an attempt to compensate for present-day fear of Abandonment pain, to make up for not having had that bond as an infant with mom, when it should have occurred

• It’s impulsively rushing into situations without considering whether they’re right for us, or what the consequences will be – to ourself or others
• It’s pushing our way ahead of others (selfish entitlement) – the unconscious fear of being left behind – while consciously assuming it’s ‘our right’, but is actually childish narcissism
<ADD YOUR OWN kinds of unhealthy co-dep ‘patience’ & impatience>

Fortunately, Recovery gives us an out – a way to identify our damage so we can separate & strip it away from the Real us that’s hidden under all the defenses, separating the Toxic Rules from our Rights. As adults we have very real options, if we’re willing to risk leaving our attachment to the dysfunction.
REMEMBER: We’re damaged (wounded), not defective!

🦋 🐯 🦆 🐳 🦒 🐇

HEALTHY PATIENCE
This kind is an ACTIVE response to reality (personal & environmental)
Just like ‘Acceptance‘ does NOT mean giving up or giving in, Patience does NOT mean letting the world trample us.
• Nor does it mean ‘taking the moral high ground’ as some spiritual superiority, nor a punishment from the ‘universe’
• It does not imply the hopelessness of being forced to endure suffering & deprivation
• It does not mean being passive, of not taking appropriate actions when necessary to accomplish something, especially if it’s something only we can do. (Posts: Healthy Actions // What to do when confused // Why are you stuck?)

It DOES mean being emotionally mature. This allows us to tolerate delayed gratification, which can only come from lowering the WIC’s intense anxiety. Healthy patience is active in the sense that we choose to wait for a desired outcome, while at the same time actively continuing to live our life the best way we can – every day.

Real patience :
• requires knowing the difference between Rescuing & Healthy Helping, because it takes patience to sit with our own discomfort of not jumping in to someone else’s problems. Knowing the rules for Helping is important.
But we can also tell what’s healthy by feeling physically stressed or relaxed, & by our emotions: Rescuing / people-pleasing is driven by anxiety, a compulsion to compensate for something broken in us. SO —
• Before a situation (a communication, an event….)  we can obsess & worry OR – be excited about ‘doing / reacting’, which comes from a false sense of connection, & temporary relief of abandonment fear.
• Afterward – we can feel drained – from overdoing, disappointed if we didn’t get what we wanted in return, & then angry. Here the actions are ALL about us, the WIC trying to cover up S.H.

♡ True Helping is done from an inner sense of calm & confidence – before taking action – a choice that comes from the Healthy Adult’s enjoyment of sharing our personal talents, knowledge & experience. And we feel pleased, satisfied & comfortable, even uplifted – afterward. We benefit, & not just about ourself.

NEXT: Co-dep vs. Patience #3

ACoAs: Co-dependent vs Patient Waiting (Part 1)

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PREVIOUS: ENFJ characteristics

SITEs: Why we hate to wait
• “8 Factors that make the wait seem longer”

 

PATIENCE
Children are not patience creatures!
Most can’t wait to grow up & be in control of their choices & options. Everything seems to take such a long time. If it’s raining out & we had to stay in, if we had a serious illness that kept us in bed, if one parent was away a lot for business or serving our country…. waiting for it to change or finish —> seemed endless.

ACoAs: However, this normal anxiousness (not anxiety) is magnified for children in alcoholic / abusive homes. Nothing got better, nothing really changed, nothing we did or said made any difference!
Constantly abandoned in PMES ways when growing up, has left us with the conviction that we are not worthy of anything good.  So waiting is unbearable. Better to not want. We developed a hopelessness that we’ve carried over into adult life – a ‘learned helplessness’ we still believe is our inevitable lot in life.

“Learned Helplessness” is an attitude that wounded adults have. While reality NOW is that they have the option to be free, they seem to be unwilling to leave their childhood prison, living in deprivation, still trapped by emotional & mental attachment to their abusive family.

CO-DEPENDENT Waiting – RESIGNED ‘patience’
Co-depis one of the characteristics of the False Self the WIC formed as a substitute for the True Self – which our damaged family prevented us from developing. Not having had positive mirroring, we say “I don’t know who I am”- in the deepest part of ourselves – even when we can list a few likes, dislikes & accomplishments.

Because the WIC has no stable sense of identity, & without a UNIT, we rely on others to tell us who we are, how we should feel, think & act. We’re like flotsam in the ocean, drifting aimlessly thru mental confusion (T), dragged under by waves of emotional pain (E).
Co-dep UP: When anyone is at the -very least- not mean, not judgy, not dismissive, and -at best- paying attention to us, tolerant, helpful….., then the WIC feels OK, happy, relieved, alive, allowed to exist.
Co-dep DOWN: But if anyone is -at worst- mean, accusatory, controlling, or -at least- insensitive , silent or neglectful, the light goes out of us, & we feel depressed, immobile, dead.

Co-dep ‘long-suffering’ is PASSIVE waiting, waiting, waiting … for magic!
It means WAITING:
• to be taken care of by others, in ways we should be doing & can do ourself
• for certain people to come thru for us – who are not capable
• for the active addict (or co-dep parent) to go into Recovery
• for an important-someone to keep their promises – even tho’ we know they usually don’t
• for our S.O. to fulfill all our unmet childhood needs
• for our parents to see us, validate, understand, apologize…..
• for our pain to dissipate, without having to actually process it
• for H.P. to magically heal us so we don’t have to do the ‘work’ of Recovery

Fake Patience means TO:
• assume someone will know what we need / want, without having to ask
• be stuck in hopelessness, unable to get out of bad or unsuitable situations/ relationships
• continually say ‘It’s OK’ when something definitely is NOT
• endlessly tolerate unacceptable behavior & situations

• keep ourselves ‘small‘, while waiting for our ‘golden future’ to materialize
• live in constant deprivation, because we don’t believe we deserve better
• put up with whatever drifts into our life, just so we’re not alone
• survive in the false hope that “One day I’ll be, I’ll have….”, because we’re not allowed the real thing…..

NEXT: Co-dep vs Patience #1

MBTI Type – ENFJ

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PREVIOUS: ENTJ

SITE: Extra info per type experts don’t tell us

 

EXTROVERTS (EX)


ENFJ – The GIVER / Teacher / Advocate / Protagonist
E-Intuition-Feeling-Judging

Most PERSUASIVE – “Personal cheerleader”
• 1.6% males, 3.3% females

NATURAL
GOAL: To express. ENFJs have excellent people skills, believing in ‘people possibilities’ – with a real concern for how others think & feel.  Preferring to ignore unpleasantness, they see everything from the human angle, instead of through impersonal analysis. Interested in being of service, they tend to place the needs of others over their own.

Popular, sensitive & loyal, they’re responsive to both praise & criticism. Externally focused, they usually don’t want to be alone, & so can neglect their need for down-time, although when on their own they may fall into negativity. However, they can also feel lonely when around others, because of hiding parts of themself.

As leaders, they’re very effective at managing people, moderating group discussions, building consensus & being an inspiration. They see the potential in everyone, interested in helping others reach it. Highly responsible, they can get the most out of teams by working closely with them, & by making decisions that respect & take into account the values of others.

They’re : charismatic, collaborative, compassionate, driven, empathetic, idealistic, manipulative, passionate, supportive, talkative, warm.  And they don’t all want to interfere in your life. (More…)

• Hidden Side
ENFJs tend to suffer from a poorer self-image than most E–Js. While their genuine concern for people is in their nature, over-focusing on others can be mislabeled as responsibility when it’s actually used to avoid dealing with their own problems.
Coupling a hyper-altruistic tendency with a weaker Si (their Stack’s Tertiary Sensing function) can make a mess of their life, but because their Fe (Primary Feeling function) is image-focused, they tend to be very good at hiding it. And they’re easily prone to vices / addictions, contrary to their goody-2-shoes image painted by most MBTI profiles.

• Life’s Purpose: Bring love where there is hate
• Their Law: You shall always fulfill your dreams
• They Comfort others by saying: What’s wrong? Tell me everything – I’m here for you

• They Say: Rules are great – they help us be better people. I am loyal to anyone or anything I respect & admire. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• Communication:  They’ll definitely start the conversation, & probably guide it too.  They’re warm & encouraging, but can be a bit overbearing. They should stop saying YES.

• Weaknesses:  Fluctuating self-esteem, overly idealistic, struggle to make tough decisions, too sensitive, too selfless
• Manipulate: Keep on smiling while ‘handling’ others to do what they want them to think/do/feel – but not to worry, it’s “for the greater good”  🦊
• Paradoxes: Totally caring for others, yet their own feelings are more important than anyone else’s. Altruistic and intrusive.
• Judge people: by their selfishness  • Fear: not able to help
• Are Judged for: not seengi other people’s point of view

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration.
ENFJs are likely to be disappointed by relationships they worked so hard to build. They stop being enthusiastic & passionate about those around them, then feel guilty about it. Believing they’re letting their loved ones down, as well as losing themselves, they take over all responsibility, trying to use logic to solve problems.

They obsess about not being seen as empathetic & loving. Highly sensitive to rejection & criticism, they work hard to keep up appearances, while deep inside they feel depressed & joyless.

If the stress continues or increases, ENFJs become pessimistic, rigid, & insensitive. Obsessed with escaping their guilt, they impulsively, inappropriately vent bottled-up emotions. Some may even abandon their loved ones or communities altogether, in search of a more inspiring environment.

• Hate: Anyone being closed-off. Being cheated on or abandoned. Cruelty, disharmony, unfairness & people being socially marginalized. Someone being really mean, & the ENFJ realizing they don’t have a sad back-story as an excuse. Asking for Help, because they think they’ll be a burden

• Don’t argue with ENFJs when they’re holding: A conversation
• Never antagonize them.   • Never tell them: Your friendship means nothing to me

GROWTH
Advice: Don’t assume you know someone well when trying to help.
ENFJs talk a lot, & may be discouraged if they don’t get a lot of feedback from others. They also expect everyone else to give as much to tasks as they do, but may overlook logical, factual realities when making decisions.

They find conflict & lack of consensus hard to deal with, so take on the burden of being responsible for others’ success or failure, which gets to be too much. They must work at letting go of control & guilt – permanently, especially when they can’t save someone – which is not the ENFJ’s fault. It’s best if they focus on themself, since they already have all the intuition & info needed for personal growth.

ENFJs can reduce stress by cultivating their own identity apart from society’s expectations & predefined roles. By exploring & loving their own interests & potential, they become less concerned with public approval. Then they’ll be able to appreciate their considerable talents & gifts, & be open to a wider mix of people & experiences (More….) 

ENFJ Relationships
You quickly understand the emotions of others & focus on encouraging their growth. Partners & friends will see you as gracious, expressive & congenial.

• Thrive in any situation that: Encourages mutual personal growth (More...)
• As a Friend, you’re the one who’s never available because you’re busy talking to everyone else & doing favors for them

• Annoyed when: someone can’t see your point of view

• ENFJ Parent, child of ENFJ, ENFJ child

• Still single because: playing the mentor has taken all the mystery out of you
• Unhealthy behavior: Stalk your S.O.’s ex on social media at 3a.m.
• Show interest by: Trying to be ‘perfect’ for them
• Show Love: Give time & affection, want to process emotions, explore & grow –  together
• You want to hear: I’m with you

• You’re attractive/sexy because: you have a warm & uplifting spirit – you can’t be missed. Like the sun, you radiate certainty in yourself & your devotion to those you love make you incredibly you incredibly attractive

• You should DATE someone who : can make you feel loved & cared for, who can take charge if necessary, & surprise you with romantic gestures.

• To attract you someone needs to : act like the bad boy/girl, but show glimpses of deep emotions. Who’ll make a great effort to figure you out & bring out the best in you.  (More….re. Turn-ons)

• Some Famous ENFJs : Barack Obama, Ronald Regan, Oprah, Diane Sawyer, Dick Van Dyke, King David (Bible), Andy Griffith, Ross Perot, Michael Jordan

NEXT: Co-dep vs Patience

MBTI Type – ENFP

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Psychotherapy, recovery


PREVIOUS: ENTJs

SITE: ‘Styles of Worship‘ preferences by MBTI dichotomy categories

BOOK: ‘Personality type in Congregations‘

 

EXTROVERTS (EX)

ENFP – The INSPIRER / Motivator / Cause promoter  E-Intuition-Feeling-Perceiving

Most OPTIMISTIC –  “Happy procrastinator”
• 9.7% females 6.4% males

NATURAL
GOAL: To create. ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic, bright & full of potential.  They’re imaginative, consider life as full of possibilities, excited by new ideas.
Their energy is stimulated by new people & experiences. The life of the party, they have great people skills – wanting harmony with others, & have a need to live by their inner values.

They’re open-minded & flexible, with a broad range of interests, & do well at whatever interests them. They quickly see connections between information & events, able to move forward with confidence based on what they see.  Going quickly from one project to another, they’re willing to consider almost any possibility, often developing multiple solutions to a problem. They’re better at starting than finishing, bored with details.

They’re: creative, energetic, enthusiastic, expressive, friendly, gentle, idealistic, innovative, quirky, people-oriented, scattered, thoughtful, upbeat. And they’re not all bubbly klutzes.

• Hidden Side
They may be Es, but not typically outgoing because their Fi (Introverted Feeling – in their stack) prevents them from wanting to over-extend themself emotionally. Their extroversion shows up more in exploring various interests, by gathering external info, & interpreting it by figuring out how different pieces connect. While they almost always have an unconventional senses of humor, they’re not necessarily ‘goofballs’  – because  they take their moral causes, values & social relationships very seriously.  This intensity can be seen any time these topics are brought to the ENFP’s attention. (much MORE re. stacks in future posts)

• Life’s Purpose: Inspire those who have given up
• Their Law: You shall always follow your heart
• They Comfort others by saying: Everything’s going to be alright!

• They Say: Oops – I didn’t realize there were rules :). Laughter is the best medicine. Chill! I have a wide range of feelings & many are intense.
• Communication: Will start the conversation & likely direct it. They know what they want to talk about – probably something fun.
They should stop talking about how offended they are.

• Weaknesses: Easily stressed, highly emotional, not practical, overly independent, over-think things, too talkative, trouble focusing
• Manipulate: They use their ‘gift of gab’ negatively, justify ‘handling’ others emotionally as just being charming, but it’s ok ? because they’re ‘being authentic’

• Paradoxes: Incredibly open-minded & totally stubborn. Lively & lonely.
• Judge people : by their values  • Fear: Being ignored
• Are Judged for : thinking everyone hates them

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration.
ENFPs in distress will feel overloaded & overwhelmed by too much to do – heart rate going over 9000 rpm! They believe they’re trying to help others by making their lives better, but feel their efforts are unappreciated, & that there are always more expectations or demands on them. Then they become overly-emotional, too worried, withdrawn & have tunnel-vision. In such cases, ENFPs are likely to start shirking all responsibilities, forgetting appointments, being late for deadlines…..

They see other people’s annoyance with ENFP’s unpredictability as a lack of consideration & respect for the ENFP’s rights & priorities. They want to be free to respond to possibilities as they occur, & to change their mind whenever they want. Requests or previous commitments that don’t support their present agenda are felt as unreasonable & limiting, so will be ignored.

• Hate: Being inauthentic & anyone questioning it. Feeling bored or betrayed. Being made to do something simple for hours by a tough authority figure. Their ideas being stolen. Subjective logic & unchallenged beliefs.  Asking for Help, because they’d rather do it their own way

• Don’t argue with ENFPs when they’re holding: Their temper
• Never rein them in.   • Never tell them: You’re boring & unoriginal

GROWTH
Advice: There’s a line between being charming & emotionally manipulative.
They’re lighting in a bottle, full of inspiration, humor & unfettered ideas – but risk burning out from over-committing or following every possibility.

They can have trouble determining priorities, not good at follow-through on decisions or projects. So each time they have a great idea, it would help to immediately break out a pros & cons list, & be as realistic as possible. No matter how strongly they feel about it, it’s best to weigh the consequences of their actions honestly & logically, because others are counting on them.

ENFPs need to find what will really fulfill them – long term – instead of what’s attractive at the moment. By working to achieve their true ideals & values, they can build a consistent lifestyle that fits who they are, not just as a temporary escape from feeling trapped by life. (LARGE CHART)

ENFP Relationships
You‘re keenly perceptive about people, with a wide range of feelings & as well as intense emotions. Your partners & friends will see you as versatile & enthusiastic

• Thrive in any situations that are:  passionate & growth oriented (More…)
• As a Friend, you’re the gorgeous one who makes sure everyone is having a good time
• Annoyed when: someone thinks you hate them

• ENFP Parent, Child of ENFP, ENFP child

• Still single because: you’re too ‘flaky’ to be taken seriously
• Unhealthy behavior: Communicate only with emojis to avoid intimacy

• Show interest : Can’t stop smiling (more than usual)
• Show Love: You cheer them up, boost their confidence, help brighten their outlook on life
• You want to hear: I feel you

• You’re attractive/sexy because : you radiate charm & positivity. A youthful need for adventure & possibilities are contagious, making you magnetic & sensational
<—-  Why these 2 types are compatible

• You should DATE someone who: will beat you at your own game & keep your interested. Someone you can depend on, but doesn’t give in when you’re in a mood to be demanding. Someone who can bring excitement, but show you that relaxing can also be fun.

• To attract you someone needs to: flirt with you once & then act completely uninterested. You love a challenge!

• Some Famous ENFPs: Carol Burnett, Dom Deloiuse, Buster Keaton, Regis Philbin, Hayden, Mark Twain, Dr. Seuss, Robin Williams

NEXT:  ENFJ