Alternatively, the N will punish by freezing the objector out (the “little death”), by restrict them financially &/or subject them to endless verbal barrages.

b. DENIAL : Most immediate as well as extended members of severely dysfunctional families (the adults) are so thoroughly entrenched in the Toxic System that they can not or will not acknowledge Emotional & Mental / Psychological abuse done by other members.
If a child / teen complains, they’re either ignored, blamed or attacked as selfish & a troublemaker

😈 Harmful bystanders agree with the unhealthy way things are, because :
✐ they behave in the same abandoning / neglectful ways, so they see nothing wrong with how others in the family behave
✐ it’s how they were mistreated in their childhood, so are convinced it’s the normal & right way to interact in all relationships
✐ they desperately need to keep the dysfunctional family ‘mobile‘ in tact, so they won’t have to face their own wounds, AND to not lose the ‘world’ they know (S & I).
So, recovering ACoA who start objecting have to be bullied or ostracized.

Self-justification OF Harmful bystanders
“I don’t know what to do /  It’s none of my business  /  I don’t want to get involved  /  I have enough troubles of my own /  I tried once, but got nowhere  /  I don’t want them to be mad at me  /  I want to keep a good relationship with them  /  It’s not really that bad, & children are resilient”….

REASONS why bystanders can ignore someone’s suffering
♝ Audience modeling – bystanders copy how others are reacting. “No one else did anything about it, so I didn’t think about it”
♝ Trivialization – “unserious labelling” = under-estimating the seriousness of abuse or an emergency, AND
“familiarization” = seeing the situation as a so-common occurrence that everything is considered normal
🔻 OR, the bystander admits there’s a problem :
♝ ‘Busy Working’ priority – but stays focused on their own life & work needs, instead of making time to help
♝ Compliance with norms – but is overly concerned with the rules of their society which conflict with helping behavior
♝ Dissociation – but distances themself from the victim & the victim’s distress, either as ‘incident dissociation‘ (not involved with the abuse) or ‘relationship dissociation‘ (a non-friend of the victim)
♝ Embarrassment Association – but is embarrassed for the victim – since others are looking at him/her – so won’t join the audience, to not embarrass the victim further
♝ Responsibility transfer – but does not take any personal responsibility, feeling that others should take that on (family, friends, authorities….)

😱 HARM TO the Bystander
Bystanders are also affected. Watching others being assaulted, bullied or sexually harassed is not a neutral experience. Anyone repeatedly witnessing abuse inflicted on others, over time, will also be deeply injured.  The bystanders who never intervene or don’t report ongoing violence – of any kind – may end up as traumatized as the victim. (MORE….)

This is a familiar long-term damage seen in siblings who grew up in alcoholic & domestic-violence homes. They’re often plagued by approach-avoidance conflicts, uncertainty, anxiety, fear & guilt.  (Explanations)

Children’s Stress Reactions can include:
⚡️Anxiety about telling anyone about it
⚡️Fear of having to associate with the victim, the bully, or the bully’s pals (shame)
⚡️Feeling powerless to stop it
⚡️Guilt for not defending the victim
⚡️Pressure to participate in the abuse
⚡️Worry about also being victimized

RESEARCH :
Abuse Victims‘ scores for after-effects were in the post-traumatic stress disorder range.
Bystanders‘ scores were “comparable to the severe levels of stress” (PTSD) seen in survivors of natural disasters.
Comments from bystander-study-participants exposed to bullying, racism, homophobia, physical abuse, or sexual harassment (brief or lasting for years) included : “I tried not to talk about it, I felt angry & irritable, I had trouble falling asleep….. ”
When interviewed, participants’ heart rates & sweating were also monitored, which revealed emotional distress.
RESULTS show that bystanders are also likely to need help to heal from abuse exposure.

NEXT: Bystanders #3