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NPI = Narcissism Personality Inventory measures :
Authority, Entitlement, Exhibitionism, Exploitativness, Self-sufficiency, Superiority, Vanity

UNHEALTHY N: The common use of the term ‘Narcissism’ refers to an unhealthy, selfish focus on oneself, without a genuine concern for the needs & desires of others. It’s the yucky narcissism staring back at us in the mirror when our inner-brat holds the outer-adult hostage (regression / ‘kid-whipped’). This unhealthy, age-INappropriate N. retards or prevents psychological growth, & frustrates intimacy in relationships.

1. HEALTHY N, on the other hand, is based on knowing AND accepting yourself so thoroughly that you can interact with others, safely & comfortably, without –– always having to be the center of everyone’s attention, being afraid of abandonment or using others to take care of your emotional needs.

In psychoanalytic terms,”normal (legitimate) narcissism is defined as a positive investment in a normally functioning self-structure….
It plays a crucial role in the human capacity TO :
‣ manage challenges, successes & changes
‣ overcome defeats, illnesses, losses & trauma
‣ experience happiness, satisfaction, & acceptance of the course of one’s life
‣ love, be productive & creative (Ronningstam).
Kohut (1977) considers that healthy narcissism in adults is expressed as Creativity, Empathy, a sense of Humor, awareness of Finiteness (appropriate limitations) & Wisdom.

The N Phase of CHILDHOOD 
A complete preoccupation with oneself is normal & expected in young children, beginning around age 2, the same time they start talking – using words like “I, mine” and “no.” They assume the world revolves around them, with little awareness of others as separate entities.

Mahler described this phase as a “love affair with the world.” If development proceeds as it should, the child learns, thru’ close contact with loving parents, friends & teachers, that those people also have needs & desires. Egocentrism diminishes as the child develops concern for others.

ACoAs didn’t get the opportunity to develop healthy narcissism. Many of us were ignored or punished for being exuberant or succeeding – at anything. We learned to be afraid of shining, because others envied &/or punished us for our natural brilliance, so we diminished our light or hid it, even from ourself.

ADULTHOOD : A Cohesive Self is a psychologically positive identity.
❤︎ It’s a combination of the child’s Grandiose Self with the Idealized Parent (original omnipotent Object), which allows the Adult TO :
= feel worthy of existing, have ambition, confidence & self-esteem
= have ideals, a meaning to life, & form healthy connections with others

To improve important adult relationships we don’t want to lose – we need to relinquishing or modifying childish behaviors. That will also increase self-development, preventing depression & burnout.

At its best, every-day narcissism is a normal part of everyone’s Self (as small n. —— not NPD)
We need it to be functioning – on our own behalf – to feel good about ourself & other people. Someone who had been safe enough in childhood to experience normal ‘ecstatic joy in yourself’, would then have a residual inner strength to get through tough times.
EXP: Now, if you allow yourself the narcissistic pleasure of having managed a difficult job well, it can sustain you thru’ disappointments, frustrations or failure.

In a healthy adult, the Inner Child’s normal Grandiose Self is tamed by being attached to an appropriate set of ideals – gathered from healthy role models & eventually becoming our own values. IF this happens, we can experience others as separate-from-us sources of actions, thoughts & emotions.
All humans must undergo this process of maturation to develop a Cohesive Self.
This unified identity develops from a complicated interaction between :
(1) our inborn capabilities & inherited genetic vulnerabilities – predisposing each person toward or away from psycho-pathology (strong or weak ego structure), AND
(2) our environment – especially early interactions with Significant Others, who either strengthen & support the emerging child’s Self, OR interfere with its optimal development

A Cohesive Self basically means that all our Ego states are in sync, with the Healthy Adult in the driver’s seat. It means we know what we need & like, a willingness to be our own Good Parent, & respectfully express our Truth without needing to step on other’s emotional toes.  Because of this, we can let others be who they are without it threatening our wellbeing. We know we have choices, & we make the best ones we can, based on our personality & the situation we’re in at the time.

NEXT: N. Levels #2