HARMFUL ‘innocent’ Parental Phrases (Part 2)


 

PREVIOUS: Harmful Parental Phrases (#1)

SITE: “My Mothers Love……Arsenic, Grain Alcohol and a Straight Razor

 

MORE HARMFUL PHRASES from the mental health community at “THE MIGHTY”
15. ‘You’re just going through a phase.’
Mom said about my panic attacks I’ve had since adoption, & still have. When is this ‘phase’ over?” — Elizabeth M.
16. ‘You keep messing everything up.’
“I was told that I ‘slop things up’  – whether in the kitchen or my handwriting ….” — Jen B.
17. ‘You need to act your age.’
“‘Act your age, not your IQ,’ said mom right in front of my friends when I was 11. It pierced my heart.” — Carre L.

18. ‘Should you be eating that?’
“‘Food is not your friend.’ my mom said when I started gaining weight after going through a breakup & a hard time in my life.” — Shauna A.
“My dad said : ‘Maybe guys don’t like you because of the way you look. I’m not saying you need to lose weight, but you know how guys are.’” — Morrigan R.

19. ‘Oh so now I’m the bad guy?’….
“….they said when I told told them about something they were doing that was hurtful or  made me uncomfortable.” — Bethany R.

20. ‘Are you sure you’d be qualified for that job?
“’I don’t think you have the skills for that career’ or ‘Are you SURE? That career is really difficult,’ said my parents when I was younger. I’ve had trouble now finding a career path I really want because I always think back to what they said” — Kachina M.

“When I told my mom I wanted to be a makeup artist, she said : ‘You don’t really handle people well. Maybe a nice desk job?’ Thanks for killing my dreams & making
me believe I can’t do anything.
Anytime I’d brought up a new interest for a career, she’d immediately find something wrong with it. Now I don’t have a career because I never believed I was good at anything. I still don’t.” — Kimy L.

😲    😛   😢   😡

A FEW MORE, from DMT at HEAL & GROW for ACoAs:
Mom
was an ACA & definitely a narcissist, but disguised as a ‘spiritually’ motivated righteous do-gooder who everyone (other adults) absolutely thought she was the bee’s knees! wherever we moved to – which was often & in several countries.
These are some of her favorite sayings, repeated often throughout my childhood :

❗️”Look ashamed!” =  whenever I did something she didn’t approve of, not anything actually bad, just if it made her look bad to others

❗️”You’ll be the death of me yet” = the message was 2-fold: I’m killing her & I should
be dead. I became suicidal – which morphed into long-term depression

❗️”Why did I have to have a kid like you?” = meaning I’m a disappointment, I’m a burden, nothing I do is ever right or good enough….

❗️”Now I’ve seen everything!” = her reaction when – as a tween – I designed & made a stylish, beautifully-made hat (I was always a sewer), & shaking her head, said it in front of a neighbor lady. It was not a compliment. Mom had very middle class, conservative taste & this hat was a NYC designer-style creation.
I did later go to FIT in NY, & for a while became a designer. But with all the put-downs over the years, there was no self-confidence – until therapy & Recovery.

❗️”It’s the bad coming out”  = referred to having acne as a teen. She implied there was so much bad inside me it even showed on my face. Just one more cruel comment

❗️”See, she got someone” = Looking good was the only thing that mattered & I always fell short (being so bad on the inside) so I ended up convinced I was ugly, which she knew but never corrected.
So one day after school I was walking with her when she notice a rather ‘less than attractive’ couple walking hand-in-hand across the street. She actually pointed them out & said “See, she got someone!”

❗️I’m glad I’m not sensitive like you & your dad = self-evident, we all got the message that having emotions – unless always happy – were to be avoided, ignored, never identified, explained AND never comforted !

❗️”Why can’t you be more like L.& L.?? (my cousins) = They were ‘perfect’ according to her. It turns out they’re the same Astro Sign as her – Taurus – and I’m not! Perfect match for a narcissist mom – rather than me!

❗️”You’re such a pig. You could lie down next to dirt and sleep!” = What can one say? She exaggerated – typical Narc. What she called dirt was more like disorganized & messy. She was a cleaner. I’m an artist.

NEXT:  Narcissist Levels (#1)

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