PREVIOUS: Harmful Parental Phrases (#1)
A FEW MORE, from DMT at HEAL & GROW for ACoAs:
Mom was an ACA & definitely a narcissist, but disguised as a ‘spiritually’ motivated righteous do-gooder who everyone (other adults) absolutely thought she was the bee’s knees! wherever we moved to – which was often & in several countries.
These are some of her favorite sayings, repeated often throughout my childhood :
❗️”Look ashamed!” = whenever I did something she didn’t approve of, not anything actually bad, just if it made her look bad to others
❗️”You’ll be the death of me yet” = the message was 2-fold: I’m killing her & I should
be dead. I became suicidal – which morphed into long-term depression
❗️”Now I’ve seen everything!” = her reaction when – as a tween – I designed & made a stylish, beautifully-made hat (I was always a sewer), & shaking her head, said it in front of a neighbor lady. It was not a compliment. Mom had very middle class, conservative taste & this hat was a NYC designer-style creation.
I did later go to FIT in NY, & for a while became a designer. But with all the put-downs over the years, there was no self-confidence – until therapy & Recovery.
❗️”It’s the bad coming out” = referred to having acne as a teen. She implied there was so much bad inside me it even showed on my face. Just one more cruel comment
❗️”See, she got someone” = Looking good was the only thing that mattered & I always fell short (being so bad on the inside) so I ended up convinced I was ugly, which she knew but never corrected.
So one day after school I was walking with her when she notice a rather ‘less than attractive’ couple walking hand-in-hand across the street. She actually pointed them out & said “See, she got someone!”
❗️I’m glad I’m not sensitive like you & your dad = self-evident, we all got the message that having emotions – unless always happy – were to be avoided, ignored, never identified, explained AND never comforted !
❗️”Why can’t you be more like L.& L.?? (my cousins) = They were ‘perfect’ according to her. It turns out they’re the same Astro Sign as her – Taurus – and I’m not! Perfect match for a narcissist mom – rather than me!
❗️”You’re such a pig. You could lie down next to dirt and sleep!” = What can one say? She exaggerated – typical Narc. What she called dirt was more like disorganized & messy. She was a cleaner. I’m an artist.
NEXT: Narcissist Levels (#1)