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OTHER Anger-EXPRESSIONS (cont)
Bullies vent their anger on those who don’t matter to them, or who they’re actively trying to undermine. They need to intimidate (using Anger + Fear) to be one up – using verbal assaults, seduction, mind games, political maneuvering….
Even though they are indeed fueled by aggressive anger, bullies can control outward signs of it much of the time when in public. They disguise their true intentions & emotions, especially around people they feel the need to impress, & so are unlikely to see the bully’s cruel side. (MORE….re. the workplace)
NOTE: Both bullies & other narcissists are only interested in getting their own way & can’t empathize with their victims. However, A basic difference is that:
• bullies know their victims hate what’s happening to them & that they haven’t done anything to the perpetrator directly. Targets are just seen as fearful, passive & vulnerable (weak), so ‘deserve’ to be pick on, while —-
• narcissists (especially NPDs) can’t even imagine that other people have needs or feelings different from their own, so are completely baffled when someone disagrees, balks or gets mad at them. They can’t understand how anyone would object to their words, demands or actions – since others are just tools to be used – not separate entities in their own right.
▪️CHEMICAL anger – some causes, including poor nutrition & low blood sugar :
• Biochemical – alcohol, drugs (‘roid rage, PCP berserking….), drug interactions, lead poisoning, stop smoking
• Diseases : Alzheimers, cancer, heart, kidney, thyroid, Parkinson’s
• Medications : BuSpare types, Desyrels, Neurosine, Trazodone
• Neurologic : brain injuries, epilepsy, organic personality & pre-menstrual syndrome, TB
These & others greatly impair awareness & responses to external social cues because the brain cannot function normally. We see this in the violent or ‘mean drunk’ – what they say is likely what they really think & feel, unleashed because they’ve temporarily lost self-control. (MORE...)
It’s used to gain power over other people & situation, to force things to go the controller’s way, or when something doesn’t turn out the way they wanted.
This anger is not always obvious, & can be in the form of : acting superior, being a poor loser, expecting kiss/ make-up sessions to solve problems, not paying attention, not delegating, mistrusting everyone, showing off, talking over people’s heads, wanting center stage all the time…. (Post “ACoAs acting controlling”)
• If someone is afraid of losing their job they may feel anger instead of the underlying fear, which can be acted out in many ways such as badmouthing co-workers, in the hope of getting them fired to save one’s own position
• If someone or group is afraid their candidate will lose an election, they might get angry & argue with anyone leaning toward the opponent to get them to switch sides, rather than focusing on the issues or the candidates’ records…..
Deliberate / Planned: Sounding & acting angry when the person is not actually upset about something – at least at first. These types really know what they’re doing. Since they’re all about control, they won’t usually blow up, making their reaction – when they do – quite shocking.
It’s a performance without having to invest any real emotion, a way to gain power by threatening or bullying others – but this only works on the damaged & vulnerable, & only for a while
This is a tactic actually taught to cops, interrogators & top salespeople, and used by some parents, teachers & bosses…. as a way to manipulate & intimidate a person or group into doing what they want (be quiet, buy a product, do a task, go away….)
— OR used ‘positively’ by some preachers, therapists, politician or other group leaders – as a way to rouse a person or group to action for the good of their soul, their family, community or the world.
(Article: “What Do You Mean I’m Being Controlling?”)
NEXT : Anger Categories (Part 6)