UNIT: Healthy Adult/Parent (Part 4)

 PREVIOUS:  the UNIT parts #3


PP = Pig Parent
IC = Inner Child
LP = Loving Parent
HA = Healthy Adult

✳️ We need to be talking WITH the kid every day, as often as possible, about everything – no matter how trivial.
It can be about what you feel like eating or wearing, what someone is doing, the colors around you – anything from : ‘It’s time for bed, now…” , “No, we can’t go there today – not enough time” – to – “I can tell something’s bothering you. How are you feeling?”…

It never has to be a big deal. You can do it on a bus, in the bathroom, walking down the street… Yes, the written version takes a chunk of time, but not the everyday chit-chat

DON’T WAIT until you’re in a crisis, to start. If you haven’t already established a good link with the kid, & then something upsets you – you will not have the UNIT available to handle it.

?? How often do you talk to anyone you live with or see every day? Only when there’s some difficulty?
The more you interact with your kid —-> the stronger the bond —> the more you prove your reliability —> the more the UNIT can take care of things & make your life WORK!!

3 DIALOGUES with the Inner Child & 1 with the PP

After one date with a sexy, attractive but self-hating guy
HA: “So, that was interesting. Do you want to see him again?
IC: Only shrug, but no words
UNIT: Asks the kid again for the next few days
IC: No words – but a slight pulling back
LP: “OK, honey, I get it – you’re conflicted but the answer is basically no.”
IC: “Yeah”
HA: “I agree – we can see his WIC clearly, BUT it is completely surrounded by barbed wire, so if I let you reach in to connect, your arm will get all cut up!”
LP: “We feel bad for his kid, but I can’t let you get hurt.”
IC: “OK. Thanks”

After the death of a beloved pet
IC: Sobbing, sobbing, sobbing
LP: “I know, sweetie, let it all out”
IC:” I want a new one – let’s go to the ASPCA”

UNIT: “OK, lets see if they have another orange one.  I trust you to pick the right one”
IC: At the shelter – “I don’t see any here. We have to look at the computer pictures.” Eventually she finds the right one – online!

Having a bad experience with someone
LP: knowing that the kid is very angry but afraid to let it out – asks the kid to show her an image of how she’s feeling
IC: creates a picture of being chained down on a wooden bed in a dark room, powerless & trapped
UNIT: “I’m here to help. It’s ok to be mad”  Visualizes using huge pliers to cut away all the chains. Then picks the kid up & leaves the dungeon.   IC: Still upset but relieved
ADULT standing up to the PP
✅  UNIT to self :
I think I’ll go to that business intro I’ve been invited to – it’s the politically smart to do
PP: Don’t be ridiculous – you won’t know anyone! They won’t be interested in you – you’d just be wasting your time!

Wow, you sure know how to lay it on thick! Those are YOUR worries & assumptions. Don’t lay them on me!
PP: How dare you talk back to me! I know what I’m talking about! I’m just trying to save you time & effort

: Well, It’s obvious you don’t know how valuable networking is – you never had to promote yourself. So you’re not being helpful!
What I could use from you is telling me you believe in me, no matter what I try. I’d love to hear that you only want the best for me, that you know I’m competent & I’ll figure it out.

: You’re living in a fantasy. Life is hard & you have to be prepared for the worst. That’s what I’m trying to do for you but you don’t appreciate it!
HP: Well, thanks for your input, but I’ve heard it all before & it hasn’t worked. So I’m going to try something new. You don’t have to watch!
UNIT: Shakes it’s head, smiles & ‘walks’ away. 😀

NEXT: “People should treat me better- but I won’t let them”

2 thoughts on “UNIT: Healthy Adult/Parent (Part 4)

  1. Love this! Dialogue with HA standing up to PP – brilliant. I so often lack the vocabulary of love and respect so this little snippet is gold! Thank you, thank you 🙂


    • Great. Always use logic on the PP voice, catching it’s distortions. And the more you hear from the WIC the clearer the bad voice gets.
      Did you also read the previous 3 posts?


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