laziness

Enneagram Type 9 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, Self-esteem, self-help , , ,

type 9


PREVIOUS: All flaws – Type 8

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post 
Associated Type is inside the ( )

 

Type 9 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. self-assertion: believe it’s not OK to assert yourself in most situations. Instead, assume it’s best to not “make waves” or create controversy
• re. opinions: believe that either they don’t matter or that it is not worth the effort to express them
• re. conflict: think that it creates disharmony in relationships, & worry when someone is upset with you or when you’re upset with others

Type 9 FLATTERY (#2)
• Get into conversations with people you don’t like or are not interesting to you. Stay far longer than you’d like, while wondering how to continue so you won’t be considered rude
• Think of a way to draw out opinions from others, even when they’re boring, not knowledgeable or not very bright
• Think about how to offer time, energy & resources to someone you don’t think highly of or care about, just to be “nice” & avoid conflict

Type 9 LAZINESS (of mind or action) (#9)
• see only the positive side of your beliefs about people, situations, world events – as a way of maintaining harmony
• forget what matters to you, or what you truly think – as a way of not making waves or calling attention to yourself
• ignore or forget what you’re supposed to be doing (priorities) as a way to de-stress & not cause conflict – though it often creates more conflict later

Type 9 MOODINESS / melancholy (#4)
• believe that you don’t really matter
• see yourself as notable to stand up for yourself the way others can
• think you’re going to lose everything & everyone if you express your anger

Type 9 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
• about how not to plan
• how to not allow others to make demands or put pressure on you because of their plansambition

Type 9 RESENTMENT (#1)
• slow-burning angry thoughts when your opinions have not been taken seriously, & which has been building for a while
• think that others should be more open-minded & less judgmental when you’re in the middle of highly unbalanced thinking & actions
• ‘ugly’ thoughts that come up after you feel taken advantage of for being so nice & accommodating

Type 9 STINGINESS (#5)
• with expressing your ideas, believing what you have to say doesn’t matter as much as what others think
• with acknowledging your ambitions, seeing yourself as someone who’s humble & not competitive (even though it’s not always the case)
• with expressing anger, thinking that expressing your anger will damage or sever all relationships

Type 9 VANITY (#3)
• believe you’re above being ambitious
• see yourself above mere mortals who get reactive & angry
• think that when you muster the energy to state an honest opinion, it’s absolutely correct

Type 9 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
• chronically disrupted your peace & harmony
• been rude to you or others, particularly more than once
• ignored you, especially in a disrespectful way
• pressured, demanded or tried to control you
.

REACTIONS: try to keep others at a distance & from trying to control you, because of their plans
GROWTH: Ask “Am I taking a clear stand on issues, by expressing my thoughts & feelings directly, especially anger?”

ALSO
Type 9 DISTORTED LENS
Too loose lens (Type 9). Looking at things too openly & loosely means we miss the granulated nature of things (details). OR think that everything in our lens is equally important without enough distinctions
Lesson: When we observe in too broadly, we may see everything that’s there, but completely miss what’s most important.

Type 9 HANGING ON
Hang on to:
• being in positive resonance with others around you, at any cost
• not asserting or expressing yourself directly, & believe you don’t really matter as much as others

Why: to keep a sense of ‘self as someone who’ can bring reconciliation / harmony to disruption, rapport to discord, & agreement where there’s disrespect &/or misunderstanding
Let go of: the belief that the way you matter is to not matter

Type 9 get OFF-BALANCE by:
• feeling angry but not being willing to express it
• being pressured or have a demand to do something, especially something you don’t want to dohelping?
• being put in the middle of an unresolvable conflict between others for an extended period

Type 9 MAYA (illusion)
Think you’re so consistently kind & nice, without recognizing that your under-experienced & unexpressed anger has painful consequences for self & others

Type 9 WORRY
“What do I really think? Why was I ignored? How can I get rid of the external tension? Where is my passion? Why didn’t I say what I really thought?”

NEXT: Ennea Humor #5

Enneagram Type 6 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

type 6

PREVIOUS: Type 5 – All flaws

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post 
Associated Type is inside the ( )

 

Type 6 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. others: believe you can’t really trust or count on others (except a few you’ve tried & tested)
• re. yourself: believe you can’t fundamentally trust or count on yourself (even though experience shows you can, in most cases)
• re. authority: think that authority figures can’t be trusted or, at least must be carefully & continuously watched

Type 6 FLATTERY (#2)
• Mentally idealize people you want to think of as all “good”
• Think & say “nice” comments that aren’t completely true, to placate others or keep the peace
• Think it’s not OK to say what you really think to someone – if you’re anticipating a negative reaction

Type 6 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You seem to be very energized (in motion), but a person can be & still be indolent (not paying attention), which is most obvious in 6s
• Think only about the things that scare you
• Believe you can’t let yourself relax into ‘fun’ (truer for self-preserving & social sub-type 6s than one-to-one 6s)
• Can’t or don’t want to take the time to separate your projections from your motivations, hopes & fears

Type 6 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Believe you’re alone because no one can truly be counted on
• Project that others will always leave you at some point
• Blame yourself when things don’t go well, but also blame others, which ends up hurting your relationships, leaving you worried about loneliness

Type 6 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)relaxing
How to anticipate problems before they occur: • often automatically calculate what might be an obstacles for getting what you think is both possible, desirable, plausible or dangerous

Type 6 RESENTMENT (#1)
• Wonder why others are treating you badly (supposedly)
• Angry about how someone in authority could treat you badly after being consistently dutiful & loyal
• Project bad things will happen to you

Type 6 STINGINESS (#5)
• with trust: Believe you have to be really careful about who you trust, thinking you have to continuously “test” the integrity of others
• with self-confidence: Think that if you constantly question yourself, somehow the best/ safest answer will emerge
• with relaxing: Believe that if you relax too much or too long (or at all), something will inevitably go wrong

Type 6 VANITY (#3)
• Believe you’re the best problem solver
• Think that no one but you is reliable, & others are not trustworthy
• See yourself as the one who’s most able & willing to stand up for the group, if others don’t seem to be aware or courageous enough to do so

Type 6 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has :
• put pressure on you
• been deceptive & is therefore, dangerous
• appeared insincere & therefore, can’t be trusted
• acted abusively, & needs to be stopped

REACTION: think about how to keep yourself & others safe from this ‘bad’ person, which may include disarming them
GROWTH: Ask “Am I accurately separating projections & insights?”

ALSO
Type 6 DISTORTED LENS
Tainted color (grey) – vision is clouded by a grayish overlay
Lesson: Not everything is as cloudy, confused, or complex as we imagine when we’re anxious

Type 6 HANGING ON
Hang on to:
• always having to be the person who raises difficult issues
• to the assumption that everyone & everything in your environment is harmful to you & others
• not being able to trust others, especially anyone in position of strong influence or authority 


Why: to maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ understands the risks & uncertainty of being in the world, & can overcome this with your mind
Let go of: the belief that true authority only ‘lives’ outside yourself

Type 6 get OFF-BALANCE by:
• authority figure acting unpredictably or rashly, that could harm you people or ideas/ causes that matter to you
• seemingly high-risk situations that take you by surprise
• any outside pressure to do something when you’re not preparedhard work

Type 6 MAYA (delusion)
That if you focus & work very intensely on an issue or problem, that effort will definitely get the issue solved or resolved. This is not always the case.

Type 6 WORRY
“Why do I worry all the time? What should I do here? What dreadful thing might befall me? Why do I feel not fully part of things? Why do I hold onto my concerns for so long? Why do people have so many hidden agendas”

NEXT: All flaws – Type 7

Enneagram Type 2 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

type 2 EVERY HAS TO LIKE ME
or else I’m wither away

PREVIOUS: Type 1 – all flaws


IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category
in the INTRO post 
Associated Type inside the ( )


Type 2 COWARDICE, because of CDs (#6)
• re. being alone : when you’re alone for long periods of time (or could be as short as an hour) you think something’s very wrong, becoming anxious & at a loss for what to do
• re. admitting your dependency needs: believe you don’t depend on others, but rather that others need & depend on you

• re. not being “nice”: you believe everything you do is & must be thoughtful & considerate. So when you’re not, you try to come up with reasons that your thoughts, feelings or actions weren’t all that ‘bad’, or were just a reaction to someone else’s ‘poor’ behavior

Type 2 FLATTERY (#2)  THINKING –
• about what each person might need from you
• that you should do something you really don’t want to do, then doing it, so you won’t feel like a selfish person
• how to engage another in conversation about them, & not at all about you

Type 2 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You may seem a little distracted & vague, or focused & extremely alert. But all 2s are indolent in specific ways. YOU
• pay so much attention to others & their needs, instead of your own – so are indolent about yourself
• neither identify nor acknowledge your true emotions & thoughts, to preserve relationships & avoid conflict with anyone important to you

no selfie• think about what is or isn’t OK to express – WITHOUT being clear enough about who you are – your honest opinions or true desires. You believe they’re not legitimate or too dangerous, so you’re not up to leadership

Type 2 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Wonder why you’re not happy since you do so many good things for others
• Believe no one really appreciates you, or that a specific person doesn’t value you, because they hurtful your feelings
• Wonder why your relationships are troubled when you put so much energy & effort into them

Type 2 PLANNING (as compulsion) (#7)
• Plan out how other people should connect & behave
• Obsess about what others should do that’s in their best interests, how they should ideally behave toward themselves, others or projects
• Plan out how you can be useful or add value to others

Type 2 RESENTMENT (#1)
• Obsess about all you’ve done for others, when there has been little or no reciprocation
• Play over in your mind (obsess) why your opinions/ suggestions were not listened to as much as someone else’s
• Think about times when your or others have been ill-treated, & wonder why people do that

Type 2 STINGINESS (#5)
• with acknowledgment: considering someone who’s wronged you, you feel they no longer deserve anything from you, so you stop providing or cut back on any further resources, attention or acknowledgment
• with self-care: believe you don’t deserve the kind of care & attention you so willingly give others, so are stingy with providing them for yourself
• with generosity: assume you’re entitled to give some people or groups but not others (subjective-giving), while also having the self-delusion you’re actually generous to everyone

Type 2 VANITY (#3)
• Wish & hope that others would be as considerate as you are, & wonder why they pay so little attention to this important way of interacting
• Think you can get anyone you want to like you
• Believe you’re so good & selfless, while others seem to give into the baser motivate of self-serving self-interest

Type 2 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking :
• someone’s taken you for granted or used you
• not listened to or dismissed you
• when they’ve hurt other people

REACTION: you label them in negative ways – from being rude to having deeply rooted character flaws, AND decide to make someone ‘invisible’ by completely ignoring them
GROWTH – Practice expressing your own needs & feelings directly, & in real-time

ALSO
Type 2 DISTORTED LENS
Embellished focus: Exaggerate reality by adding elements not really there
Lesson: False-abundance you ‘picture’ is only potential, not reality

Type 2 HANGING ON (need to let go of)
Holding on to:
• being thoughtful, considerate, responsive, unselfish, without needs
• slights, when others have wronged you in some way (ignored or insulted you, accused you of bad intentions….)

Why: to keep ‘your sense of self as the person’ who is so good that you consistently put others above yourself (false modesty)
Let go of: the belief that your only value comes from how much you do for others

Type 2 put OFF-BALANCE by:
• When someone you care about (or want some sort of relationship with) moves away or avoids you for unknown reasons
• Putting yourself first, so you don’t do something for someone else, leading to great anxiety & guiltperfect
• Being in a social or business situation where no one responds to you

Type 2 MAYA (delusion)
Think that being so focused & intent on others means you can really do no wrong. Wrong!

Type 2 WORRY
“Will I be accepted? Have I hurt someone? Did I express myself too strongly or too weakly? Do I respect myself? Why am I so effected by other people’s reactions to me? Will the people I care about be OK? Who really cares about me?”

NEXT: Type flaws, #3