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Enneagram Type 9 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Personal Growth, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, Self-esteem, self-help , , ,

type 9


PREVIOUS: All flaws – Type 8

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category in the INTRO post 
Associated Type is inside the ( )

 

Type 9 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. self-assertion: believe it’s not OK to assert yourself in most situations. Instead, assume it’s best to not “make waves” or create controversy
• re. opinions: believe that either they don’t matter or that it is not worth the effort to express them
• re. conflict: think that it creates disharmony in relationships, & worry when someone is upset with you or when you’re upset with others

Type 9 FLATTERY (#2)
• Get into conversations with people you don’t like or are not interesting to you. Stay far longer than you’d like, while wondering how to continue so you won’t be considered rude
• Think of a way to draw out opinions from others, even when they’re boring, not knowledgeable or not very bright
• Think about how to offer time, energy & resources to someone you don’t think highly of or care about, just to be “nice” & avoid conflict

Type 9 LAZINESS (of mind or action) (#9)
• see only the positive side of your beliefs about people, situations, world events – as a way of maintaining harmony
• forget what matters to you, or what you truly think – as a way of not making waves or calling attention to yourself
• ignore or forget what you’re supposed to be doing (priorities) as a way to de-stress & not cause conflict – though it often creates more conflict later

Type 9 MOODINESS / melancholy (#4)
• believe that you don’t really matter
• see yourself as notable to stand up for yourself the way others can
• think you’re going to lose everything & everyone if you express your anger

Type 9 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
• about how not to plan
• how to not allow others to make demands or put pressure on you because of their plansambition

Type 9 RESENTMENT (#1)
• slow-burning angry thoughts when your opinions have not been taken seriously, & which has been building for a while
• think that others should be more open-minded & less judgmental when you’re in the middle of highly unbalanced thinking & actions
• ‘ugly’ thoughts that come up after you feel taken advantage of for being so nice & accommodating

Type 9 STINGINESS (#5)
• with expressing your ideas, believing what you have to say doesn’t matter as much as what others think
• with acknowledging your ambitions, seeing yourself as someone who’s humble & not competitive (even though it’s not always the case)
• with expressing anger, thinking that expressing your anger will damage or sever all relationships

Type 9 VANITY (#3)
• believe you’re above being ambitious
• see yourself above mere mortals who get reactive & angry
• think that when you muster the energy to state an honest opinion, it’s absolutely correct

Type 9 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
• chronically disrupted your peace & harmony
• been rude to you or others, particularly more than once
• ignored you, especially in a disrespectful way
• pressured, demanded or tried to control you
.

REACTIONS: try to keep others at a distance & from trying to control you, because of their plans
GROWTH: Ask “Am I taking a clear stand on issues, by expressing my thoughts & feelings directly, especially anger?”

ALSO
Type 9 DISTORTED LENS
Too loose lens (Type 9). Looking at things too openly & loosely means we miss the granulated nature of things (details). OR think that everything in our lens is equally important without enough distinctions
Lesson: When we observe in too broadly, we may see everything that’s there, but completely miss what’s most important.

Type 9 HANGING ON
Hang on to:
• being in positive resonance with others around you, at any cost
• not asserting or expressing yourself directly, & believe you don’t really matter as much as others

Why: to keep a sense of ‘self as someone who’ can bring reconciliation / harmony to disruption, rapport to discord, & agreement where there’s disrespect &/or misunderstanding
Let go of: the belief that the way you matter is to not matter

Type 9 get OFF-BALANCE by:
• feeling angry but not being willing to express it
• being pressured or have a demand to do something, especially something you don’t want to dohelping?
• being put in the middle of an unresolvable conflict between others for an extended period

Type 9 MAYA (illusion)
Think you’re so consistently kind & nice, without recognizing that your under-experienced & unexpressed anger has painful consequences for self & others

Type 9 WORRY
“What do I really think? Why was I ignored? How can I get rid of the external tension? Where is my passion? Why didn’t I say what I really thought?”

NEXT: Ennea Humor #5

Enneagram Type 3 – Flaws in us ALL

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, mental health, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , ,

Screen Shot 2015-08-25 at 1.16.26 AM

 

PREVIOUS: Type 2 flaws

IMPORTANT
Review explanation for each category
in the INTRO post 
Associated Type inside the ( )

 

Type 3 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
• re. failure: think that failure is simply not allowed in you vocabulary, or is something you’ve never experienced first-hand
• re. being unmasked: worry, often unconsciously, that you’ll be found out to be a fraud in some way
• re. intimacy: think you can’t get too close to others emotionally, because it would make you too vulnerable, be less able to function/ achieve, or reveal your inadequacy in this area

Type 3 FLATTERY (#2)
• think about how to create a positive impression in another’s eyes – by pretending to be more interested in the others than you actually are
• think through how to engage famous or important people, so that some of their celebrity rubs off on you
• never share your real thoughts about another person – especially negative ones – so you won’t ruin your image or your relationship

Type 3 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You’re often thought of as very focused (or over-focused), but many 3s use their Arrow Line to Nine as a break from stress. YOU:
• don’t want to think about anything serious, so get into relaxing routines (soc-med, jogging, food…), more as a way to not pay attention to yourself
• believe that emotions are a distraction from work, then escape into activity that will avoid them
• don’t reflect on who you really are. Instead, see yourselfshare success? as the persona you’ve created

Type 3 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
• Think of yourself as a fake who pretends to be something you’re not (or not fully) & eventually will get ‘caught’
• Believe you’re totally without value when something you’ve tried to do doesn’t work
• think you’re completely adrift & a nobody when you have no goals or plans

Type 3 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
Plan how to achieve a specific goal you’ve set for yourself, how to get from point A to point B as efficiently & effectively as possible

Type 3 RESENTMENT (#1)
• Obsess about why someone disrespected you for your abilities, then treat them in a way that shows a lack of respect
• Obsess about how someone in authority changed the rules of the game on you in mid-stream
• Can’t understand why other team members are so incompetent or show such a lack of commitment to your joint activity

Type 3 STINGINESS (#5)
• with time: think yours is more valuable than that of others
• with sharing success: Believe you must compete with others to be successful and win, or else you’ve failed
• with sharing certain information about yourself: think that opening up would make you seem less confident or not accomplished

Type 3 VANITY (#3)
• Decide, consciously or unconsciously, to delete information about yourself that would make you look bad
 to yourself & to others
• Think you can accomplish just about anything you set your mind to
• Believe you’re the image of success which you’ve created – confusing your Real Self with that image

Type 3 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone :
• has made you look bad or sabotaged you
• blamed you for a problem that was not you responsibility
• taken credit for your work

REACTION: dismiss the person as a ‘loser’ & think of ways to ignore them
GROWTH: Be willing to disclose information that may not make you look good or may not conform with my ‘public’ image – IF safe or appropriate

ALSO
Type 3 DISTORTED LENS
Narrow focus : embellish reality by assuming your accomplishments & qualities are better than you imagine them to be
Lesson: ‘Blinders’ on any part of your vision can make you miss the most important elements of a situation

Type 3 HANGING ON (need to let go)
Hold on to:
• under-expressed sadness, anxiety, anger
• being competent, resourceful, goal-driven, effective, successful, confident

Why: to keep your ‘sense of self as the person who’ can accomplish whatever you want by being goal orientated, & intensely focus
Let go of: the belief you must follow societal (or your social-referent group) standards of success to feel good about yourself

Type 3 put OFF-BALANCE by:
• having goals changed on you by an outside factor or individufalse freedomal
• not knowing what you want to do
• being ‘forced’ to discuss strong emotional reactions in depth

Type 3 MAYA (delusion)
Doing what you think you want is actually doing what you think you should want, & not understanding the difference between them

Type 3 WORRY
“What if I can’t really do this? What if I don’t live up to expectations? How do I know what I really want (rather than what I think I should want)? Will I get found out?”

NEXT: All Flaws – Type 4