What NARCISSISTS need YOU to BE (#3)

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POST:  Emotional Maturity



Victim STRENGTHS – expanded (“Green flags”)
✥ ‘Adulting’ 
Narcissistic behavior is molded in an unhealthy childhood environment, which didn’t provide opportunities & role-modeling for self-reflection. This specific lack, a common feature of Ns, leads to an underdeveloped (immature) personality, so they subconsciously look for a “parental figure” to take care of them.

And it doesn’t have to be a person older than themselves.  It’s well known that alcoholic & other N parents keep using their children (even very young) to rescue them, by forced-listening to their adult troubles, negotiating the parent’s relationship, taking care of younger siblings…..

N. Victims : Co-Narcissists are much better at handling practical issues such as planning ahead, daily responsibilities, information gathering…. NOTE: This does not mean the Co-N have good self-esteem, just better inherent skills, along with over-responsibility

✥ Empathic
Ns will often act like a Victim around Sensitives, who are quick to comfort & embrace anyone who seems to be hurting.  It’s an easy way for Ns to get whatever they want, such as constantly being told they’re amazing, beautiful, clever….

Highly sensitive people (HSP) have nervous systems that process all experiences intensely. High sensitivity is mainly about how a person processes information, combining external input (sights & sounds) with deeply felt internal emotions. All that mental co-ordination is over-stimulating, so they can get easily overwhelmed.

N. Victims : Also, their brain regions associated with empathy are much more active than non-HSPs, making them giving, altruistic nurturers, drawn to helping & caring for others – indiscriminately

✥ Externally focused (locus of control)
N’s target people who are not ‘self-referencing’, which means they don’t look inside themselves to make decision, such as by asking “How do I feel about this?”
N. Victims: Co-Ns try to figure out how to feel or act based on what they think – or know – the N wants or will react, with no concern for their own True Self

✥ Financially responsible / dependable
Most Ns are fundamentally materialistic (non-spiritual), so it’s ‘normal’ for them to want lots of money. Attractive women Ns (men, on a lesser scale) tend to be on the lookout for someone who’s obviously wealthy.
N. Victims : Some are able & willing to pay for everything. It’s even better if they’re also ‘sensitive’ & functional!

✥ Forgiving
Narcissists only want to be with someone who overlooks their flaws & will forgive them for being hurtful. To stay in the relationship, they want to keep on comfortably abusing their mate / friend / employee.

N. Victims : They don’t hold grudges, so aren’t likely to leave the N during or because of the N’s abuse. This does mean unhealed Vs has little self-respect, but they see abuse-forgiveness as the ‘High Road’! , unaware that it allows them to be taken advantage of

✥ Idealistic
Because Ns want to be seen as superior, even god-like, they’re especially pleased with someone who only chooses to see the good in others. Co-Ns overlook the N’s immature, harmful & destructive traits, only seeing whatever positives the N may have.
EXP: If the N has a bad temper, the idealist only thinks about how good-looking he/she is. If the N drinks too much, this partner will ignore the problem & instead focus on admiring the N’s talents.
N. Victims: They dismiss all ‘the bad’ by wearing rose-colored glasses (denial)

✥ Loves unconditionally
Co-Ns are compassionate & trusting, with a big & open heart. But loving someone else comes before their own self-respect. This need to express love knows no bounds, but is a dangerous quality around Ns, because it has no realistic limits.  Ns are happy to play off of that, using & then sneering at the ‘suckers’

N. Victims : Pathologically over-giving people who are altruism & full of good deeds – regularly accept not having their caring & sacrifices reciprocated (Love vs N. love)

✥ Loyal
Ns demand one-way loyalty from others, being free to betray relationships as tit suits them. This can include setting up others (mate, child, employee) to be ridiculed, repeated infidelity, not backing up an agreed plan in a meeting, not taking a colleague’s side in a dispute, not protecting them from outside danger…. with no remorse.

N. Victims
: consider unswerving loyalty as part of their high moral standard which they’re very proud of. But it’s used to hide low self-esteem from themselves (Vulnerable Ns) with total B & W thinking, & so with no room for self-protection.

NEXT: Narcs seducing Empaths – #1

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