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SITEs: “How to Spot a Fake Friend”

▪︎ 12 Signs of a Fake Friendship    – Expanded info, with cartoons

Some FAKE FRIEND (FF) Characteristics

MENTAL / VERBAL – THEY:
◎ always turn the conversation back to themself
◎ are not interested in getting to know you on a deeper level

◎ forget the important things going on in your life
◎ insist on convincing you of their point / opinion
◎ judge your limitations or mistakes harshly

◎ often gossip about other friends with you (so are very likely to gossip about you too)
◎ put down your opinions or beliefs

EMOTIONAL  / PSYCHOLOGICAL – THEY:
◎ are quick to take offense or get angry with you

◎ have a hard time being happy for your successes & achievements (envy / jealousy)
◎ have a heightened sense of self-importance & entitlement

◎ hold your past mistakes over you & won’t let them go
◎ infect you & everyone else with their continual bad mood or ill temper
◎ only find you when they need help
◎ tend to disappear when you need their friendship the most

◎ try to make you feel guilty or get passive-aggressive when things don’t go their way
◎ try to control & change you
◎ use back-handed compliments to confuse & wound you

SOCIAL – THEY:
◎ call you only when it seems they have nothing better to do
◎ can easily drop you as a friend when it suits them

◎ don’t like your other friends (possessive)
◎ frequently break promises or “forget” commitments

◎ never stand up for you in front of others
◎ rarely initiate calls or get-togethers

◎ say things to embarrass or shame you in front of others
◎ selfishly take up a lot of your time
☛ ADD YOUR OWN to the list  

 FAKE FRIENDS (FFs) :
⦿ always demand convenience 
FFs make sure they have everything they need first – & to their taste – before considering others. They may be charming, smooth, even cheerful, yet it’s all done for their own benefit, even when it means others will suffer

Notice:  they’re only nice as long as a situation suits them, & not a minute longer. As soon as they’re not happy, they’re not nice (high-maintenance).

⦿ ask about you but aren’t actually interested
FF may say, “Hi! How are you?”, & then turn away to talk to someone else before you can open your mouth, OR immediately start talking about themself, & never take a breath!

⦿ are inappropriately excited to see you 
If you run into an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time, you might exclaim & hug each other. But when someone you barely know does that (you’ve only exchanged small talk with, at work or other group), it’s not about friendship. It’s boundary invasion &  being presumptuous.

Maybe the FF is just desperate to be liked, wants to look better to others, hopes to placate you if they think you’re angry at or displeased with them, or just buttering you up to get something from you later.

⦿ constantly talk over you
Some people just likes to hear themselves talk – who ask a question just so they can gives their version or opinion, or who forever tell the same story, even using the very same words & expressions.
Sometimes FFs will act really interested in what you have to say, nodding with enthusiasm – but later you realize they never seem to remember things you’ve told them again & again.

⦿ leave your side for someone ‘better’
FFs use others to comfort themself – only act friendly when they don’t want to be alone. In an unfamiliar or uncomfortable social situation they’ll act like your friend so they’ll feel better & look popular (not a wallflower). As soon as they spot someone with a higher social status or is more interesting (or sexier), they’ll mosey over to the ‘more valuable’ person.

ALWAYS notice people’s pattern of interactions with you & with others
IF you want to tell a FF they’ve hurt you, remember to be respectful & have good boundaries.
IF they don’t want to hear it, but instead get defensive, change the subject or turn it back on you – making you the bad-guy – then it’s time to let go . Life’s too short to hang onto to a toxic relationship.

NEXT: Real friends