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The EXTROVERTS (EX)

ESFJ – The CAREGIVER / Supporter / Provider/ Consul
E-Sensing-Feeling-Judging

Most HARMONIOUS  – “Popular friend”
• 7.5% males, 16.9% females

NATURAL
GOAL : Harmony, Cooperation = best accomplished when everyone follows the same set of rules. . ESFJs are generally popular, sociable & outgoing. For example, in High School, they take the spotlight & set the tone, such as cheerleaders & quarterbacks, who help lead their teams to victory & fame. Later in life, ESFJs continue to enjoy supporting friends & loved ones, organizing social gatherings & doing their best to make sure everyone’s happy.

Their clear set of values are related to the external world (family & community) rather than about their inner self. Feeling a strong sense of responsibility & duty, they value tradition & security, with a desire for things to be pleasant.

With a strong wish to be liked, they tend to put the needs of others before their own. They’re interested in being of service, but need positive reinforcement to feel good about themself. They’re conscientious, good-hearted, cooperative & supportive. Gifted at making others feel good about themself, they understand what people need & to be appreciated for their contributions to society.

Re. projects & plans, they take time to collect necessary facts to help them make decisions, & enjoy creating effective procedures. Are extremely organized, with a well-developed sense of space & function.

They’re: Accomplished host/hostess, dedicated, empathetic, friendly, gracious, respectful, shallow. They live to please. And not all are gossipy. (More…)

• Hidden Side
Usually kind-hearted & well-intended, ESFJs are not warm & fuzzy – because they try to ‘love’ people before they see if they actually like them. Of all the ESxx types, they’re the biggest nerds, & gravitate to Enlightenment Era ideals. They can also be great pranksters, because they’re clever & love to get reactions from people.
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• Life’s Purpose: Bringing together those who are apart
• Their Law: “You shall always take care of your friends”
• They Comfort others by saying: I’m here to help you feel better, so let’s get started

• They Say: I’m loyal to people, institutions & causes I believe in. We’re all fiends here – there’s safety in numbers. I’ve bent over backwards to fulfill all the rules.
• Communication: They’re so friendly & inviting – like a mom-friend – that people love talking with them.  They should stop talking about their sorority or fraternity

• Weaknesses: Inflexible, sometimes too needy, reluctant to innovate or improvise, take things too seriously, think they always know what’s right, too selfless, vulnerable to criticism, worried about their social status
• Manipulate: To make themselves ‘interesting’, they gossip about the back-story of people they don’t know

• Paradoxes: (Un-developed ESFP) Friendly & ‘difficult’. Take ‘5 minutes’ to gather everyone – for a ‘1 minute’ group project
• Judge other people: about their selfishness  • Fear: Of isolation
• Are judged for: caring too much what others think

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration.
Under stress ESFJs usually keep their inner conflicts & upset out of public view. They’re terrified of being judged or criticized by others, but can be highly intolerant of others’ behaviors they judge as inappropriate. When they feel used & unappreciated, their resentment leads them to rash, thoughtless actions that can damage the very relationships they care so much about.

As frustration increases, they complain, manipulate & go behind people’s backs to make decisions for them – that benefit themselves much more than for the other. They rationalize their insensitive behavior by being convinced their actions are the right ones for solving problems.

• Hate: Being disliked. Insensitivity. Know-it-alls. Lack of community. Selfishness. Anyone who hurts other. People who don’t listen. Asking for Help, because they think they’ll burden others. Someone suggesting a lot or ridiculous ‘novel’ ideas – that obviously won’t work – while the ESFJ is trying to make a plan.

• Don’t argue with ESFJs when they’re holding: a Frying pan
• Never: Abandon them.  • Never tell them: This is all your fault

GROWTH
• Advice: Remember that what you say about others reflects on who you are.
While ESFJs are good at making friends & being popular, unfortunately many are also prone to gossiping.  When making decisions, they can be overly influenced by what they think others want, & so can have trouble adjusting plans when faced with unexpected changes or opportunities.

They risk being too accepting of -or- deferential to those in charge.
ESFJs can help themselves by accepting that they can be loved for who they are, rather than what they do for others, & that they don’t have to fulfill everyone else’s wishes. They need to define who they are & what they want, apart from how others see them or want them to be.

ESFJ Relationships (More)
Because you‘re highly attuned to your partners’ emotional needs & concerns, mates & friends see you as responsive & persuasive

• Thrive in any situations that are: old-fashion-romantic (More…)
• As a Friend, you’re the one who can be counted on for advice on almost everything.
• Annoyed when: someone won’t go anywhere with you

• ESFJ Parent, child of ESFJ, & ESFJ child

• Still single because: You’re still in love with your ex
• Unhealthy behavior: Over-react when your S.O. forgets your anniversary

• Show interest by: Bragging
• Show Love: You lessen their stress, motivating with affectionate pep talks
• You want to hear: I need you

• You’re attractive/sexy because you’re: warm & generous, have a need for beauty & harmony, creating a haven of light & love, which are sensual & very desirable.

• You should DATE someone who: CAN live without you but doesn’t want to. Who makes you feel appreciated because you care. Who doesn’t NEED you, so you can focus on our own needs as well.

• To attract you, someone has to: Be popular in their circle of friends, so they can tell everyone you sometimes forget lunch or the need for sleep. Then everyone will be desperate to be the one who’s taking care of you. 

• Some Famous ESFJs: Pres. Bill Clinton, Prince William, Martha Stewart, Barbara Walters, Sally Field, Mary Tyler Moore, Terry Bradshaw, Dr. McCoy of Star Trek

NEXT: ENTPs