ACoAs – Set GOALS to MEET NEEDS (Part 2b)

PREVIOUS: Goals to get needs met #2a


QUOTE: “Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes


Acting on Goals: ACoAs try our best to survive without the right kind of information & training about what’s ‘normal’ – healthy & appropriate in general, and suitable for us personally. As unhealed damaged people – no matter how intelligent, educated & accomplished – we are inevitably governed by the cruel push of the PP & the desperate fearful / rebellious WIC.

To truly provide for ourselves in the best possible ways – we need to be Self-motivated – to do positive things or stop doing negative ones because WE WANT to, because it suits who WE are! This seems impossible to ACoAs, but can definitely be changed. It will include correcting our CDs, connecting with & loving our Inner Child, mourning the deprivation of childhood needs, & re-feeling all the old pain we still hold in our body. We need to teach the WIC that we are allowed to take center stage in our own lives!

This requires the use of one of the many facets of everyone’s True Self : Self-Efficacy – the strength of one’s belief in one’s own ability to complete tasks & reach goals. It includes:
— Seeing challenging problems as tasks to be mastered
— Developing a deeper interest in the activities you’re involved in
— Having a strong sense of commitment to your interests & activities
— Recovering quickly from setbacks & disappointments

Self-efficacy is developed , in part, from being efficacious growing up – allowed & encouraged to have age-appropriate effects on the people around us & on our environment. This means having some sense of control, which all children need.
why bother
BUT – Coming from a chaotic & abusive family leaves many ACoAs with the belief that we have no way of having an impact – no matter what we do. So we don’t try, or we do it in unproductive ways, or we quit just when we’re getting somewhere.  Ultimately – when we can’t get our needs met – we give up!  (MORE..)

• Once a goal is identified, “Implementation Intention” is needed – which specifies the when, where & how portions of goal-motivated behavior, spelling out in advance how one wants to move forward. It’s a self-regulating strategy in the form of IF-THEN plans: “When situation X arises, I will perform response Y”, connecting an opportunity for reaching a goal with a specific behavior, guaranteeing success.
EXP: In one study, students with test anxiety were encouraged to increase their Goal Intention to perform well: “I will correctly solve as many test items as possible”, by adding the Implementation Intention: “And if I start a new test item, then I’ll tell myself – I can solve it”, in order to increase a sense of self-efficacy.

• Healthy, self-motivated people keep pursuing their goals, even when they’re difficult & take a long time to achieve. They are prepared to deal with 4 problems along the way: getting started, staying on track, stop pursuing any goal or plan that isn’t working, & prevent over-extending themselves. (MORE…..)motivation parts
They improve the possibility of success because they:
— are internally allowed to do well
— plan & act in realistic ways
— take small steps, & get help when needed
— correct mistakes or lack of knowledge along the way
— try out different jobs / plans / styles…. to see what fits them best
— AND never, never give up  (MORE…..)

1. Daily Visualization
– an active process. They are bite-sized short-term goals we can picture while eating, traveling, waiting on line or on hold…..

2. Long-Term Visualization –  for big things you want to achieve that take time, careful planning & persistence. It’s harder because success seem so far off. But mix in a bit of Dreamer, Egotist, & Courageous parts, to help you persevere, & to sustain you while you wait for results

3. Constant Visualization. It isn’t something you do consciously, evolving over time as the result of consistently doing #1 & 2. Visualizing is only the first step to success, not the last. People who don’t act on ideas/ hopes/wishes waste their lives away. Entrepreneurs & other successful types are the best combination of Dreamer & Doer.

NEXT: Goal to meet needs #3

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