EVERYTHING & EVERYONE sucks up my air!!

PREVIOUS: Negative Thinking (#2)

SITE: ▪︎ Complaining Rewires Brain for Negativity.… 

YOU’re thinking is too negative IF YOU :
• are always complaining about things, even when it’s in a rational, logical-sounding way, “This —- is an interesting tidbit to mull over”
• constantly notice the flaws in things (people, activities, ideas)
• have a tough time seeing the bigger, overall positive picture
IF YOU
• get a secret pleasure being negative along with someone else, or tearing something down
• see a flaw in something & just have to let everyone know, getting a little rush from being ‘right’ & superior
• think positive people are naive or fake, have low standards, easily impressed

YOU’re too negative WHEN:
• even a trivial flaw in something (good) will ruin it for you
• someone suggests an activity or product, & you’re quick to point out why it won’t work or why it’s a bad idea
• things get under your skin &you  ‘have to’ rant about them to anyone who will tolerate listening
WHEN :
• others talk about the positive aspects of something – you just have to say, “Yeah, but…” pointing out its limitations or weaknesses
• something’s realistically going well, but you’ve got plenty reasons why it’s dumb, no good, won’t turn our well, is impractical ….
(from SuceedSocailly.com)

NEGATIVE thinking can come from copying our family, a personality trait that gets over-expressed, or seen as a ‘useful’ trait.  YOU:
• picked up a negative style from people we grew up with or around
• rely on negativity as a crutch in conversations. You wouldn’t know what to say if you weren’t complaining about or trashing something
YOU
• romanticize negativity, thinking it represents being a deep, complicated, tortured soul
• often get worked up about things & then vent, because it feels great
 –OR-
• are a little too rational. Not in touch with your own emotions, & don’t realize negative comments are harmful to others
YOU
• think that getting others caught up in your personal troubles is a reliable way to ‘stay connected’
• think you’re being ‘intellectual’ – as if pointing out flaws in everything (unsolicited, unprovoked) is proves analytical ability & honed critical thinking skills
YOU
• associate negativity with having refined tastes, as if putting down ‘mediocre’ things would show how discerning you are
• connect being cynical & overly skeptical about life with being ‘in the know’ or aware of how the world really works
• may think it’s just your style of humor – a way to be a clever, observational comedian or commentator. NOT!

Negative Thinking (NT)
1. re. OURSELVES
• Anyone reading this blog & other self-growth material, going to 12-step meetings & therapy – knows this category of NT is a core issue for ACoAs. It’s called self-hate (S-H) – powerful, deadly & tenacious! If our parents were unable to love us unconditionally OR not at all (no matter that they said), we concluded it was because we weren’t worth it

✶ So, our WIC is still sure that if the family didn’t make us feel wanted, safe & accepted, why would anyone else?
We think cruel things about ourself & even say them to others, while secretly being smug about being victimized by the whole universe!
Playing the role of the victim -now- allows us to not be responsible for our own life, while protecting the illusion of coming from a loving (or at least an ok) family.

2. re. Personal RELATIONSHIPS
NT (S-H) tells us we’ll NEVER:
• deserve love, validation, respect, peace, joy, success….
• even know what love is, even though we have indeed loved (children, animals, mates, activities, careers, locations, certain foods / arts …)
• be liked (much less valued) by healthy ‘normal’ people
• be able to leave bad relationships because it would condemn us to being completely alone (forever)
NEVER
• have the right to healthy, loving connections (family, friends, lovers…)
• have anything positive to offer others (personality, skills, experience..)
• have the right to look for & interact with accomplished people & other peers who we could enjoy & benefit from
SEE “The 12 Worst Relationship Mindsets” (based on CDs)

NEXT: “Being Negative (#4)