PREVIOUS: Adult E.S.- #2
Even if we spend a lot of time in Adult mode, it’s not unusual to fall into Parent or Child E.S. when faced with enough stress. This can be from a pile up of real-life events, or by bumping up against an unhealed wound. Then the 3 states no longer work together, regressed to an earlier time in our life, with the specific experience, beliefs & training at that experience
a. We may just hear internal ‘voices’ influencing thoughts & feelings (PP – inner critic, or WIC – constant self-doubt)
b. move fully into one of the other 2 states absorbed from our past, outwardly AS:
• damaged Parent – abusive, controlling, know-it-all or over-indulgent, symbiotic rescuer….
— alternating with:
• damaged Child – sullen rebeller, raging scapegoat, needy victim, incapable isolator….
These create energy blockage masking our True Self & preventing us from being ‘in the flow’- founded on negative beliefs about Self & others which are used to justify decisions & actions
EXP: Talking about something (mother: “all men are bums / father : those ‘people’ are taking all our jobs”…. ) as if it’s a fact or reality, when it’s only someone else’s experiences but not ours. We took in what we repeatedly heard & then made it our own ‘truth’
Symptoms of this blockage depend on which E.S. is dominating 🔼
#1🩸When the Parent bleeds into the Adult we may think & act out of ‘superiority’ hatred, such as narrow-mindedness, racism or religious judgement. (Prejudice)
#2🩸When the Child bleeds into the Adult things in everyday life can trigger damage, so the C becomes frightened at or angry about something that may or may not be unhealthy or unpleasant in itself. (Fantasy or Illusion – not necessarily pathological)
#3 🛠 When both P & C bleed into the A at the same time WE:
• have a sharp negative belief which terrifies : “Anyone different from us is bad & so we’re in danger” OR
• can have a sense of superiority, feeling entitled : “We’re better than them so we can do whatever we want”
⚙️ Interesting : in #3 the Adult is Ego-syntonic – not in conflict within itself – but its ‘position’ may or may not be accurate or healthy. It simply means we believe that what we think & feel is completely unchangeable & true & (“All government is bad” OR “God loves me”). Others in our peer group may agree, & only someone outside the circle will catch the logic flaws (CDs) – IF there are any.
CUT OFF Aspects
Missing Inner Child: When Parent contaminates Adult & C. is unavailable, the person can’t ‘let go’ to have fun, rigid & controlling with little sense of humor, takes everything seriously, must always be ‘right’ & know-it-all….
Missing Inner Parent: When Child bleeds into A. & P. is unavailable, the person has a weak conscience, does whatever they want with little or no regard for others, & is prone to self-destructive behavior in the pursuit of self-gratification
Missing Inner Adult: When A. is unavailable completely, there’s no ‘reality’ guide, so the person can become an extreme narcissist, paranoid, socio/ psychopathic or psychotic
When 2 people or groups interact, they each come from one of their E.S., & this can shift during the exchanges – possibly several times.
a. Crossed transactions result in breaking connection between the 2 parties, but is a useful way to ‘force’ a change in a communication
b. Ulterior ones have hidden messages used to manipulate, chosen by the Inner Child. Actions taken as a result are determined by the psychological (ulterior) level of the transaction, because the secret agenda carries the most weight
c. Complementary transactions are ‘clean’, & can continue indefinitely. We tend to regularly prefer 1 or 2 of these options, but can shift depending on who we’re dealing with.
🔆GOOD exchanges between 2 people or groups =
❥ Adult – Adult : problem-solving
❥ Nurturing Parent – Natural Child : care-taking
❥ Natural Child – Natural Child : having fun, being creative
❥ Controlling Parent – Adapted Child : giving guidance & instructions
✦ Nurturing Parent – Nurturing Parent : discussing how to care for others
✦ Controlling Parent – Controlling Parent : agreeing what rules to apply to others
✦ Adapted Child – Adapted Child : being compliant or rebellious together (MORE….)
NEXT: CHILD E.S. #1