yoga

The BODY & Emotions (Part 3)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, coaching, mental health, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , ,

body Es 3

I TRY TO HIDE MY FEELINGS, but my body keeps giving me away

PREVIOUS: The BODY & Emotions – #2


SENSING Emotions
• Emotions (Es) represent a large part of our interchanges with others. If we leave out how we feel, or if we communicate them inadequately, we fail to get across an important chunk of what we mean.
NLP tells us that the Verbal part of Communication is only one aspect of the message we present, the others being our tone & body language. Words are important & have power – they can inspire or they can do great harm.  But it’s tonality & body language that convey emotions.

Even though there are still people who deny the value of having emotions, (& some still flatly deny that animals also have them!) – fortunately there are scientists who continue to gather data identifying brain structures associated with emotions & the ways we can use our senses. Maybe it will eventually convince the skeptics!

BLINDSIGHT is a term coined by researchers at Oxford in the UK, over 40 years ago – working with blind monkeys & then humans, in the process of testing their ability to sense their environment using parts of the brain other than eyes.

• In the TV series “Through the Wormhole” the episode ‘Blind Sight’ (clips) shows a scientific study from the Netherlands about how Es travel from person to person, by picking up changes in faces. Dr. de Gelder’s subjects were stroke victims who can see with one eye but not the other.
They were shown pictures of people with neutral emotions – to their ‘good’ eye – at the same time that faces with a variety of emotions were shown to the blind eye.

• In every case, each time the unseeing eye was presented with people’s features that expressed emotions, the subjects automatically mimicked those exact expressions on their own face – without realizing it. When asked if they knew what emotion was on the screen, they all said they were just guessing.
Clearly they were using some other areas of the brain.  For an explanation see the whole program

• CAT Scans show our brains experience many complex interaction we don’t consciously realize & don’t make enough use of, which include the emotion centers of the brain.  It would benefit us as ACoAs to learn about these connections & realize they are legitimate parts of us – built into our biological system. We can then become more comfortable with our Es & use them to navigate the complexities of life – which is why we have them!

concave solar plexusHOLDING IN Es
• How we carry our body can indicate how we’re feeling emotionally, not just at the moment, but habitually. We store un-processed stress in our body’s organs, muscles, chakras, meridians & electro-magnetic layers. Specific emotional residue of abuse AND negative beliefs are stored in various locations in theabused body.  (Anger in the liver, not being supported is in the lower back muscles, shame in the gut, fear in the heart or stomach….)

EXP:  Some people’s whole body center is visibly concave, as in these drawings. It shows they were severely & regularly abused in childhood, often continued in current toxic relationships.

☁︎ Their solar plexus has been emotionally punched (sometimes physically too) so often that their body is trying to pullback from future blows they know will come – or are still expecting, even long after the danger has passed.
There are also many abused people whose outward signs are much subtler, but the cues are there as well – to help us understand their behavior
➼ Generally, people who are confident & happy stand erect, head up, shoulders back, & walk with a sure but not arrogant gait. Depressed or self-hating people may stand with head down, slumped shoulders, slow or unsure walk…..  Changing how we hold our body can improve how we feel about ourselves.

Of course there are exceptions:
♿️ someone with a chronic physical illness or disability may move slowly, be hunched over, clumsy, needing a wheelchair. Yet they can be confident & emotionally balanced, with ups & downs, but not miserable,
☢️ while some who are deeply insecure may strut & seem ‘strong’ emotionally, only because they present a facade to compensate for being afraid, expressed as anger & inflated self-importance.

NEXT:  Emotions & the Body  (#4)

The BODY & Emotions (Part 2)

dmtorbi 12-step, ACoAs, al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, coaching, mental health, Problem-Solving, Psychotherapy, recovery, self growth, self-help , , , , , ,

body Es 2OK, TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.
Yeah, but you left out how you feel!

PREVIOUS: Emotions & the Body (#1)

SITE: Emotions Are Physical 
INCLUDES “Signs You May Be Afraid of Your Emotions”

IMPRESSIONS
1. Showing strong Es in public too blatently is usually looked down on or made fun of – in the theater it’s called ‘chewing the scenery’ (think Captain Kirk) but is acceptable if we’re at a ballgame or rock concert. We remember how Jackie Kennedy was endlessly praised for her stoicism at JFK’s funeral.

2. On the other hand, when someone shows NO sign of emotion, it will be read by others as an indication that —
a. the topic is not important, as when :
= someone carries on about something too intellectually, or is just talking BS
OR
= talk in a monotone (flat affect), a neutral voice or with a smile about very painful events – the way many ACoAs do about their traumatic childhood, or newscasters reporting a tragedy.
The listener may just gloss over it or not actually ‘hear’ the info!

b. OR that they’re a ‘cold’ fish, heartless, even psychopathic, like if there’s no emotional reaction to the news of their child being horribly killed, or told they’ve lost everything in a disaster

c. BUT if someone doesn’t show any Es about an event or person –
it can imply that they disapprove of it / them, like when there’s complete silence from an audience toward a performance or a public figure, or we ignore a friend or spouse…..

REALITY
Regardless of the actual reason for a person not adding emotional subtext to their communication (from boredom, exhaustion, sickness, shock, shyness, shut down, terror….), the average observer is looking for some cue to the meaning (value & relevance) of what they’re hearing from or seeing in another person – which would help them know how they themself should feel & respond (If you don’t care then I won’t care either)
HOWEVER –
Everyone does unconsciously telegraph their true feelings – even the reticent & the repressed – by micro-expressions of the face & throat muscles (as well as other physical signs like a clenched fist, leaning forward or back, slouching….).
Normally, both sender & receiver of these tiny movements are unaware of them, but astute observers can pick them up anyway & respond internally, if not outwardly. As in the “Lie to Me” TV series, anyone trained to carefully read them can identify what someone else is feeling / experiencing

ACoAs
1. Toward ourself –  we were thoroughly trained to ignore our own   experiences (intuition, emotions & thinking), that we’ve suppressed (but NOT lost) the ability to know what we feel, becoming numb to this level of internal information, from both feelings & body sensations

2a. re.Others
• Because involuntary muscle contractions are such subtle cues to someone’s emotional state, and –
• we’ve just as thoroughly been taught to deny / ignore what we hear & see from others, unfortunately :
— we don’t even notice these interaction, BUT
— if we do pick up the cues from others (what they’re actually telling us about themselves), we don’t trust what we’ve seen, & then talk ourself out of the implications.
This is one reason we’re greatly handicapped in understanding & dealing with others.  Fortunately, we can change this!

2b. At the same time, as kids in a chaotic, abusive environment – we became overly focused on how the adults were feeling, in an understandable desire to protect ourself. Their every nuance became signals – are they going to beat me, fall asleep drunk, stay in bed depressed or “sick”, be in a rage & get ready for a fight…..
Our goal was to placate the monsters & stop the abuse. This never worked! to change them, so one conclusion was that we’re a failure at understating moods & ‘fixing  pain’.

SO NOW – it’s hard for us to evaluate :
• what someone is actually telling us. We easily misread their meaning or motives
• what we feel emotionally about their communication. We react from internal wounds instead of responding to present info
• how to respond appropriately, so our actions are too harsh or too weak

Because of our ‘limited vision’, when someone is verbally insensitive or mean, we don’t feel the emotional punch in the stomach until sometime later if at all, & then are more likely to feel scared, or maybe get angry but blame ourself!

NEXT: The Body & Emotions (Part 3)