TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS WELL
it helps to know everyone’s style

PREVIOUS: Talk Types 4-5

TYPE 6s give CAUTIONS, CAVEATS, LIMIT SETTING
Self-talk: ‘But what if …’
Words : But… have you thought of? No. Not possible, Not today – maybe.
are about: tomorrow, real / reality, what about….? worst-case, why?
Public Speaking Manner: ‘Shotgun’ OR Apologetic

Style: 6s have a nervy, quick style of talking which can be witty & giggly, OR pejorative & grouchy
THEY:
• Are engaging, information-oriented, thoughtful
• Alternate between staccato, hesitant speech -&- bold, confident speech
• Can use emotion-laden language OR talk in short shotgun blasts
• Freely discuss worries, concerns, & “what ifs”
• Start with analytical comments, but ask a lot of questions

Pitfalls: Either doubt their own message, so soundly confused & unclear OR push their cause down everyone’s throat
Can be overly negative: “It’ll be doom & gloom if you don’t change your…..”
They assume hidden motives & danger where there are none. Can use shock techniques because of ambivalence toward authority.

Use language to: defend, question, second-guess, trouble-shoot, warn
Others can experience 6s as challenging, contrary, doubting, pessimistic

MANIPULATE / create CONFLICT by: testing other people’s commitment to them by endless complaining or being evasive. Need to set the record straight “just so you don’t misunderstand….”
BLOCK others by: automatically negating a person or their idea

CONFLICT style: blaming, cross-examining, distrusting, quick, relentless, vacillating, victimizing
6s are triggered by feeling mistrustful or being blamed. They can become terrier-like & questioning when feeling insecure or abandoned.

For BOUNDARIES: need to ‘reject’ put-downs & excuses
To FLOW in conversation, need AWARENESS – of thoughts, choices & emotions in self & others

To RESOLVE conflicts with 6s:
• Admit any ulterior motives you may have
• DON’T ever tell a 6 to calm down!
• Don’t get lost in their circular arguing , & if it feels like a marathon – walk away
• Don’t try to win – it will only escalate the argument. Instead, try to find common ground & allay their fears of abandonment or anger
• Hold your opinion but don’t be stubborn about seeing their point of view
• Stay calm but do not dismiss them, insult their intelligence, flatter or appease them

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TYPE 7s use ANECDOTES, BRAINSTORMING, STORYTELLING
Self-talk: ‘On a lighter note’.
Words : “I / me, ‘yes’, more, let’s go
are about: deals, fun, ideas, option, opportunities, plans, travel, trapped
Public Speaking Manner: Enthusiastic storyteller

Style: 7s want to enjoy everything, so they’ll use wit, storytelling & a dramatic tone to heighten their pleasure when talking
THEY:
• Avoid negative topics about themself (or others)
• Re-frame negative info so it seems positive
• Shift from topic to topic
• Tell engaging stories & can be very funny
ARE
• analytical & idea-oriented
• charming, exuberant, fast-paced, sociable, spontaneous, upbeat

Pitfalls: Can get too attached to their own stories, like making a saga out of a mundane trip to the post office, & not relevant to the current topic.
Can be idealistic, use too much humor or put too much emphasis on fun, so the listener won’t believe or trust them. They know a little about everything, but little or nothing in depth

Use language to: change topics, check out, deflect, entertain, imagine, joke, laugh, move on, sample, shift gears, tell stories
Others can experience 7s as indifferent to others’ input, making excuses, quickly changing topics, self-absorbed, undependable

MANIPULATE / create CONFLICT by : distraction & being entertaining to get what they want, insist that others meet their demands. Being a wheeler-dealer, a know-it-all. Making light of serious situations
BLOCK others by: going in too many directions, not focused on the person they’re talking to, use diversions

CONFLICT style:  act arrogant, condescending, disinterested, disappearing, insensitive,  mocking, with tantrums.
7s are triggered by feeling trapped or limited, so usually try to get away from conflict, or react explosively to escape negativity.

For BOUNDARIES: need to use ‘distractions’ / being broad-minded – to open themselves up to new possibilities
To FLOW in conversation, need JOY: grow into the wonderful possibilities of being alive

To RESOLVE conflicts with 7s:
• Don’t harp too much on what they’re doing wrong or they’ll shut down
• Equally – don’t sugar coat things but re-frame problems so they can take in the your point without feeling too threatened
• Give them space but hold them to a time when the conflict can be resolved. Ask them to set aside time for you to discuss it (5s like this too)
• They’ll flee any difficulty, so let them know how this affects your relationship

NEXT: TALK types (Types 8, 9)