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33 REASONS (cont)

❥ Manipulate: An abusive person constantly lies in order to continue their manipulation – to keep the other on their power. If the truth came out, the victim might leave

❥ Maximize: At one extreme, some lies exaggerate the person’s feelings or situation, making things worse than they really are, for dramatic effect

❥ Minimize: With the opposite version, a person may minimize a situation by lying, trying to reduce the physical damage, emotional harm, or punishment that might otherwise occur

❥ Perception: Some people believe their own illusions. Their perception of reality is distorted enough, so they believe their ‘version’ is not a lie

❥ Procrastinate: Passive-aggressive avoidance of responsibilities is a way to procrastinate making decisions or taking a specific action. This lie is more subtle because they knows they should be doing something but are intentionally putting it off

❥ Protect: Some lies are done to protect others, such as taking on responsibility for things the person did not do or is not responsible for, in order to benefit someone else

❥ Suppress: Some lies are intentional – meant to cover up their  misbehavior or a problem they can’t cope with

❥ Superior: Those with larger-than-life egos put out big lies, to maintain superiority & make themself look better than everyone

❥ Sympathy: Similar to attention-seeking, a person who tries to get empathy from others will lying about a past or current event

❥Vindictive: Some people use lies to intentionally cause harm as a way of getting back at another person or group they feel harmed by.

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FEELINGS : Many people lie, directly – or indirectly by omission, to hide their feelings and emotions. This may be a way to get along in most areas of our life (work, at parties, on the street) but sadly we also lie about ourself to people we’re supposed to be close to – family, mates, friends, adult-children….

Remember that what we normally mean by “feelings” are not emotions but rather some form of thinking : an opinion, a belief, an experience, a point of view….. none of which are either emotional feelings (sad / happy) or body feelings (tired /energized).

EXP: Whenever someone asks you : “How do you feel about that ?” almost everyone will start describing an event, a reaction…. not emotions. RULE : any response that’s more than one word is a thought – a mental expression!
That includes all lies, no matter how short.

We lie to avoid events & circumstances that make us anxious – like speaking up for our rights, or saying no to something we don’t like. We want to suppress emotions that come with them such as guilt, depression, sadness & anxiety.  So we lie because we don’t want to feel vulnerable.

Most people lie about their “feelings”, acting as if we don’t have many concerns, but we really do. This includes both our opinions (cognitive) or emotions (feeling).On the other hand, it’s important to have boundaries. It’s not appropriate or acceptable to expose ourself or to burden others with our personal difficulties. This RULE is: Do not justify yourself, but do not lie. No is a complete sentence !

INTELLIGENCE – Perhaps surprisingly, it turns out that  intelligent people lie more often than others. There are many studies proving that those with higher intelligence are good at deception. They also lie because of having better emotional intelligence.
Lies are the “Precursor of the previous lie”
There’s a maxim that : “A liar’s worst enemy is someone with a good memory….. You’ve got to create a hundred other lies to hide a single one.” That is accurate, because people can get even more involved in falsehoods to cover up the lies they’ve told in the past. Research has found evidence for a retrieval mechanism that helps us remember the lies we’ve already told – in response to re-encountering a question that one has lied about before.

❣️ Telling the truth is considered easier than maintaining a web of lies, because you don’t have to remember what you said previously, which can lead to more authentic, meaningful relationships.

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