I’M COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF
whether I’m right or wrong!

PREVIOUS: Being Right #5b

SITE: “Why always having to be right can poison your relationships”

IDEAS for changing the aBR pattern (cont)
• When you feel the urge to force your way on a person or situation, decide not to – just this once (each time). Go with the flow & see what happens
• Notice whenever something is actually out of your control. If YES, then accept that.
How does it feel in your body – to not react? What can you learn about yourself? How can you make it an advantage?? HINT: You can relax more often!
• Accept that there’s no such thing as control over PPT, only yourself.
(Modified from ‘Simple Life Strategies‘)

🙀 Every so often admit WHEN you’re actually wrong about something – but not if you’re not! If someone insists you’re wrong about something, & you’re sure how you feel about that specific issue, you can say so clearly with our anger OR just smile.
If that’s too scary to contemplate right now, then —
• you don’t have to say you’re wrong out loud, but consider admitting it to yourself later – when you feel psychologically/emotionally stronger / safer, OR
• maybe try admitting an error when it’s not about something important to your sense of identity, & only to someone you know won’t judge you – ever
AND:
• notice how often you get upset when someone doesn’t agree with you by implying you’re stupid or wrong). Take a breath, understand it’s either your WIC or PP reacting, & know that insisting on being validated is ‘off’
• if by any remote possibility you conclude you’re truly wrong about something, OR you reacted to a trigger by not being acknowledged, just sit with it for a little while
• do NOT judge yourself & get angry if you’re reactive L.et it be an opportunity to learn more about your Wounded Child, the False Self you’re working on outgrowing.

You can say things like:
“I think I was mistaken about that // Yes, you were right about this // I got that wrong, my bad”….. it may come as a shock to you, & to others 😟. It can take courage & integrity, & is a character-building experience

• Letting go of the aBR compulsion is about having the serenity that comes from knowing what you are absolutely sure about & what you actually have control over , as well as accepting that other adults are responsible for what they think & do.
• Remind yourself they have the right to believe what they want, because they have their own point of view & experience.
• Work on being OK with the fact that not everyone will admit you know more than they, or that you’re right  about something – when you are. Maybe they feel threatened or jealous, really don’t understand your point, or are just being contrary.

IMP: Allowing others the right to be whoever they are doesn’t mean going along with anything they say or do. IF their way of being is unsafe or simply incompatible with you – you don’t have to make them wrong – just keep your boundaries & maybe even keep your distance!

Emotions are your Guidance System. When you’re uncomfortable, or anxious or angry – it could be that:
• something in the present is pushing your old buttons, so your wounded child (WIC) is being reminded of past abuses & abandonments, OR
• they are a warning signal that someone is mistreating you – no matter how subtle or indirect, OR
• something’s missing from the situation or relationship – something  deeply important to you that you need . HINT :  it leaves you bored, sad, annoyed, frustrated, lonely….)

NEXT: Being RIGHT, #5d