IF I’M NOT RIGHT,
then who am I?

PREVIOUS: Being Right (#1)

⬅ “ARROGANT BOSS” by DMT

 

🟧 WHAT’S WRONG With Being ‘Right’?
Unhealthy (mild): The narcissist in us (& every ACoA has one) will think or say “If I can see this so clearly, why in the world can’t you? // If I can do that task, what’s your problem? // If I love that, I assume you will too. If not, why not?!”
This attitude makes no sense at all. Even identical twins are different in some fundamental ways. One person is not automatically better or more correct than another – just different. (See “Symbiosis & ACoAs #3“)

UNHEALTHY (severe) Addicted to being right (aBR)
🖤 This character defect (a cognitive distortion) applies TO :
— some adults we grew up with, AND
— those of us who have copied them , &
— anyone we’re ‘stuck to’ as adults who is like that

A Closed System – The state of a person or thing being isolated from its surrounding environment.
a : Any one person so rigid in their opinions that they can’t let in anything which differs from their own determined ‘correctness’

b :  2 people, a Dominant (D) & a Submissive (S) personality, who interact in an ongoing feedback loop, constantly exchanging limited, often distorted, info – characterized by coercion/compliance, co-dependence, sameness & symbiosis (like Mrs Bucket & husband)

For the D – there is no concern & equality for others, or desire to change, and –
For the S – there is no autonomy, questioning, rocking the boat, separateness, speaking up or taking a stand . (More….)

● GROUPS: (family, academia, church… )
Groups who assert they have the only right answer – discourage change, differences, disrupting the status quo, equality, independence, objecting, questioning, or taking a stand.
They tend to promote factions, gossip, immaturity, repression, secrets & triangulation. It makes members reactive & anxious, even if this is hidden from each other. They don’t feel safe to question or disagree leadership or the official rules, feafulr of disapproval, punishment or rejection. (MORE…)

🔒 At the extreme ‘right’ we find the ‘Right-ists’.

● RIGHT-ists are in a world of their own, extremely self-absorbed & arrogant – The accuracy or importance of whatever point they’re pushing is not as relevant as their need to be agreed with.
Their rigid thinking is used in a power struggle to bring everyone else to their knees – psychologically, mentally & emotionally. They want to capture other people’s thoughts – even in situations truly & totally beyond their control, such as with the active addicts .(Serenity Prayer backwards“).
Ingrained Right-ists truly feel justified in their position, rarely if ever seeing the arrogance & selfishness of their attitude. Sure of themself & comfortable in their superiority – so there’s no internal cognitive dissonance.

NOTE: Some right-ists camouflage their compulsion by seeming concerned for others’ welfare, sounding reasonable or just giving ‘helpful’ suggestions. But all the while they’re trying to control their environment – to make it conform to their world-view.
One hint: they consistently make unsolicited & often unwanted suggestions, give advice & offer help – there version.
DO NOT be taken in by the presentation. If your own opinions & needs are often or always ignored or over-ruled – you’re dealing with a sneak-narcissist.

Re. SELF,  RIGHT-ists:
• are rigid & controlling, so they don’t work well with others
• can become quite aggressive in order to eliminate the threat to their (secret or unconscious) weak self-image
• experience anyone who opposes or simply has differing opinions – as a direct threat to their sense of well-being
• lack empathy, have no patience with others & are often snide
• need the world to revolve around them

Re. OTHERS., RIGHT-ists :
• alienate others without realizing it, OR of they do, they wonder why, then assume it’s the other person’s fault
• can end up isolated & deprived of companionship, love, affection, …. unless they find a passive person who uses the ‘Right-ist’ to think for them!
• can’t imagine that other people actually have different needs & opinions from their own (NPD mother = “Put a sweater on, I’m cold”)
• may push good info from ‘good intentions’, without considering that they’re discrediting another’s process, boundary invading, & being arrogant (“others NEED me”)
• regard others’ ideas or viewpoints as inferior or worthless, often losing out on new info, & wonderful opportunities or relationships.

NEXT: Being Right (Part 3a)