I GET SO MUCH MORE
from careful listening

PREVIOUS: ‘Right’ #5a

SITEs: “You don’t always have to be right” (hypnosis) = Purchase downloads

⬅ “The RIGHT WAY” by DMT

Being Right the RIGHT WAY (BRR)
*️⃣ the Opposite of being self-righteous (addicted to = aBR)
Being Right / honest ‘correctly’ is NOT —
• assuming we don’t know anything, or should just shut up
• berating oneself for all the years of unhealthy superiority
• having to always know exactly what’s true or accurate
• saying we’re always wrong /stupid /a f–up
• throwing out all the information we have in our mental data bank

🚧 🚦 NEITHER is it co-dependent people-pleasing, where we deny or ignore our own opinions, needs, emotions or desires! The only people who want us to do that are the PPs, P-As, active alcoholics & other narcissists.

The RIGHT WAY IS: 
• being open to the uniqueness of any given situation, & drawing conclusions from other perspectives (but not from angry, unhealed people!)
• keeping an open mind & heart, curious, willing to learn something new
• looking at the big picture rather than the immediate issue or situation
• seeing what’s in other viewpoints that might have a degree of validity
• staying ‘present’, being conscious & available for what the world has to offer us, which help to recognize where our next opportunity may come from
• willing to listen to what healthy & knowledgeable people have to say

☆ We may still end up sticking to our Truth – the best part of our core knowledge (“I know what I know”) – as well as revising damaged beliefs (CDs), thus finding saner ways to think about ourself & the world

• Daily practicing open-mindedness, paying attention & humility (NOT humiliation) make all our relationships work better.
But this can really be hard for those of us deeply attached to always having to be right (aBR). For ACoAs, being caught in a mistake, an oversight or a lack of info can bring up shame & perfectionism – a form of S-H 

✳ Letting go of this compulsion requires legitimate validation of our painful experiences so we don’t always have to prove something. It also includes having permission to be seen for who we are – the True Self. Most of us never had the right to disagree with our parents’ perspectives & beliefs, much less being allowed to have good things of our own.

😮 While ACoAs who are afraid of saying the wrong thing need to speak up more (it’s OK to not know something or even be wrong sometimes!) —
🤔 — those of us who always have something to say (whether useful – or not), can benefit from being still & truly listening

In either case, no matter how genuinely smart we are, if we ASK for info (“What did you mean when you said —?”….), we may be surprised by what’s going on in someone else’s head. Usually something we couldn’t have guessed!

NOTE: Our addiction to BR is another form of being controlling – rather than being in charge of ourself. Healthy control requires knowing that there are options – to almost everything.
But with aBR – there are no option, no choices, no variations. It really is about not having ‘the right’ to think & feel – our own way – fueling the need for constant validation – from everyone else!

IDEAS for changing the aBR pattern
• Identify your aBR control beliefs (Use CD posts )
• Ask : “What do I gain from trying to control everything?”
• Why are they so important to you?
• Where do they come from?”
• With those answers, keep checking to see if you really do get what you assumed you would – by sticking to aBR (usually not!)
• Write down your ‘control rules’ (my way or the highway) & the correction for each

NEXT: Being Right #5c