I DIDN’T REALIZE
the damage I’ve caused myself

PREVIOUS: Issues for Secretly-A.

SITE: ‘”Shame & Anger in Chronic Shyness”

See ACRONYM page fr abbrev.

NOTE :
• All of the characteristics listed below are most likely combined with anxiety, fear, depression &/or with a mental or physical illness, menopause, genetic inheritance ….. which can be checked out medically

• If you identify with many of the behaviors & attitudes in this post & the next (‘toward others’), they’re likely to be :
— copies of what we heard & saw growing up, since we carry an Introject in the form of the Bad Parent voice, which we use against ourself and on others
— the defensive ways we developed to cope with childhood stress

• These now express our self-hate, fear of abandonment, hidden suicidal wishes, how we placate people we’re afraid of, & try to get approval from people we’re afraid of loosing

PHYSICAL Symptoms (of co-dep anger)
CHRONIC Complaints & Ailments, including hereditary weakness which gets activated from long-term stress & rage-suppression
♜ Addictions – any type of substance or activity over-use, food sensitivity….
♜ Illnesses – real, chronic or sequential = heart problems, obesity, ulcers, constipation, headaches, back & joint stiffness or pain, frequent colds, auto-immune diseases, asthma, knot in the stomach or tightness in the throat

♜ Lethargy – trouble staying asleep, over-sleeping, drowsy at inappropriate times, always tired, feel ‘heavy’, hold body stiffly, frequent sighing, brain fog
♜ Neglect – avoid self-care & appropriate medical attention, get burnt out from over-doing for others,  can’t rest or vegg out

♜ Systemic – muscle tension, poor memory, often distracted, loss of appetite or gorging on sweets
♜ Self-Harm – nail-biting, chewing inside of mouth, picking at skin, pulling out hair, head banging, cutting, often bumping into things
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EMOTIONAL Symptoms
➤ Anxiety – panic attacks, excessive irritability, impatience, can feel sad, scared, hurt – but rarely angry, other emotions more intense from pushing down anger, obsessive worry, fear of being alone but also of being dependent (“I hate you, Don’t leave me.“- Dr. J.J.Kreisman and Hal Straus)

➤ Depression – (for no immediate or visible reason) low-grade but constant, boredom, loss of interest in things once enjoyed. Sulk, withdraw, pout, threaten or try suicide.  Exhaustion, burn-out from suppressing Es

➤ Inappropriate Affect –  Mood swings, smiling while hurting or feeling angry, laughing when telling about your abuse & neglect. Too calm – not angry but also not joyful, can have an explosive reaction that’s out of proportion. Altho’ very rare it scares others.  Are always nice to people who regularly hurt you

➤ Low self-esteem – trouble accepting yourself and others, blame self for harm that other do to you, feel unworthy of anything good, mentally beat self up all the time (rage turned inward)

➤ Superiority – feel ‘spiritual’, in control, better than – for never being angry, self-sacrificing martyr, the ‘good one’, control freak, know-it-all, everyone’s friend, helper, rescuer, center of attention

ATTITUDE Symptoms
• act out self-sabotage & have a deprivation mentality
• afraid of competition & being seen as less than ‘perfect’
• are over-sensitive to criticism & afraid of any rejection
• feel misunderstood, invisible or unappreciated
• keep a stiff upper lip, act as if you don’t need support
• lack of ambition or motivation (can be depression)
• let others infringe on your rights & take advantage, but then complain bitterly
• often complain about, envy & resent those more fortunate
• pretend something doesn’t matter when inside it does

COMMUNICATION Symptoms
• constantly apologize, over-polite, over-helpful, over-disclosing
• gossipy, two-faced, patronizing, sarcastic, complaining, flippant
• have weak or no boundaries, afraid to say NO, both to abuse & to things you simply don’t like or want
• over-controlled/ monotone voice, or too loud & sharp, vague
• resist or have trouble talking about yourself, talk about issues/interests rather than personal thoughts & emotions

Our BEHAVIORAL Symptoms
• busy all the time to avoid emotions, minding everyone else’s business, rush from one thing to the next – OR –
• procrastinating – both for tasks imposed by others,  AND things we say we want to do for ourselves, OR
• habitual lateness, unreliable, unpredictable, don’t keep your word
• financially lazy or irresponsible – under-earn, don’t focus on own talents
• visibly ambivalent, indecisive, start in one direction & then shift into another without finishing the first
• won’t plan for your financial future, worry @ $$ but hope for ‘magic fixes’

NEXT: Symptoms – hidden anger toward others