PREVIOUS: Lack of Individuation (Part 1)

 

INCOMPLETE / DAMAGED (cont)
REVIEW: As a result of being parentified, the child never has the chance to individualize – stifling the ability to develop a sense of Self.  Without this, they’ll be confused about their role in the world. Their self-esteem will be low, making it hard to know what they want to do or be, so they won’t take healthy risks that could help them realize their potential. Frustrated to the extreme, these kids either lash out or withdraw into themselves.

Further, an adolescent’s sense of identity is built through the choices & commitments they make. Without the chance to explore & then commit to their chosen beliefs & values, the teen stays incomplete, never forming their own identity. (MORE…. re. Adolescence / Adult-child’s delayed individuation)

FIELD-DEPENDENCE (FD) is a concept in the area of cognitive styles, which is how we think, experience & remember information.  It’s the degree to which a person is consistently influenced by  environmental (external) <— vs —> inner cues (body sensations)

Carl Jung based the field-ground concept on Gestalt Theory. EXP : 2 types of problem-solvers —
♦︎ convergent thinkers, good at accumulating material from a variety of sources when looking for a solution to a problem or about an interest
♦︎ divergent thinkers who are more creative & subjective in their approach rather than strictly fact-based.

A person’s FD preference is mainly inborn, but can be modified or distorted by early experiences, especially long term, continual trauma. It is :
• how a person orients themself in physical space, & is able to notice subtle nuances in their surroundings
• the level & degree of one’s perception or understanding of information coming at them
• the extent to which one is able to make fine distinctions about their internal experiences in the moment. Not everything is B & W or of equal importance / intensity.

NORMAL : In general, being Field-dependent (FD) contributes to how we deal with the world.  (FD) people vary widely in personality type, but can still interact with the environment from a stable inner world, because they’re balanced with Field-INdependence, (in future post)
UNHEALTHY – 
BUT when someone is totally FD – only focused outside of themself –  they’re not individualized, disconnected from their True Self, without a clear & stable Identity. Such a person can only react to PPT (people/place/things) they encounter

Regardless of one’s natural in-born personality,  having an alcoholic / narcissistic upbringing leaves both Extro- & Intro-vert ACoAs totally other-directed, expressed as co-dependent people-pleasers with weak boundaries & little or no S & I.

SOME RESULTS
• Being other-directed, unhealed ACoAs can only use others as motivation to function (not the same as outer-directed). We mainly rely on whoever we’re with & what others want, instead of our own emotions, needs & values. This leaves us at the mercy of outside forces.
EXP: If you’re mad at me I automatically believe I’m bad. If you like me  / approve, I’m temporarily OK

• ACoAs have a built-in forgetter about abuse – not remembering experiences & info we’ve already been trough. This also includes ignoring what’s positive, so we have trouble accurately identifying new events that are similar (+ or —)

• On the one hand – as UNindividuated F-Ds, we have trouble noticing, identifying or making sense of unclear, ambiguous information, including subtle social cues (don’t pick up on facial expression, indirect comments, body language…).
❖ This may look like autism but IT’S NOT – because it’s psychological, not physical, & therefore can be corrected with Recovery.
NOTE : Missed cues represent what other people are actually experiencing & expressing, & not what the F-D person is projecting, mind-reading, assuming….

• On the other hand, unhealed ACoAs are overly-oriented toward other people, with our main attention on the terrible things we assume they are / will be thinking & feeling about us. We always interpret their slightest reaction in the most negative way, taking everything personally.
This is a projection of recurring family & school abuses —> on to present people & situations, using F-D antennae to try protecting ourself, without actually seeing who other people actually are – as safe or unsafe.

NEXT: S & I – Separation