PREVIOUS : Resentment – and FEAR inventory

SITE : “Quenching the Flames of Resentment” 

 

PPT = People, Places, Things

IRONY : “We have to get healthy enough to know how wounded we’ve been”. As we recover, instead of being totally immersed in our damage, the contrast becomes glaring, sometimes painful, but very rewarding & empowering.

Resentment is about not getting enough of our human needs met from our original family, & maybe from a society we were stuck in. So now – we’re waiting  / expecting / demanding that others provide all of them. That presents several problems. WE….
❤️‍🩹 ….. have to start by figuring out what we actually need, but have been brain-washed to not know what they are, & to deny any that show up from time to time – oh horror!
☁︎ …… compulsively  pick people who absolutely can not provide even our basic legitimate ones, then insist they have to! No matter how they disappoint, we keep chasing the impossible. (Post “Serenity Prayer backwards“)
🧰 ….. have not yet learned to grow a Loving Parent voice that would help heal the WICs (Wounded Inner Children), to comfort & guide them out of their Self Hate & Abandonment wound.

SO, to work on letting go of resentments – no matter how justified –  we must consistently meeting the needs we can every day, and actively search for & stay with PPT that can help provide those we can’t or don’t yet know how to.

When we’re ready to work on outgrowing our resentments – slowly, the WIC needs to know that we can be angry & hurt  without blaming ourself or attacking others. AND that our main reliance must be on our Adult voice, from our True Self, and Higher Power,  as in Steps 1,2,3.

LETTING GO of Resentments
1. Start by identifying the root causes – a journey of self-discovery, peeling back the layers. It allows you to stop the cycle of resentment, to find accurate resolutions. You’ll be able to find your voice to communicate what you truly want, instead of silencing your needs.

2. Make separate inventories of what’s important to you, & what you need to support your healthy boundaries.  What would it take for you to “settle the score”? Are you looking for an apology, &/or an explanation? Or are you looking to make amends.

3. Keys to handling any unresolved conflict include :
√ acknowledging where you stand on the issue that upset you
√ saying what you need in order to heal 
√ identifying your expectations of yourself & other(s)

STRATEGIES to Overcome Resentment
🕹️ Cultivate Empathy : Stepping into the shoes of others to understand their perspective helps develop Empathy, which is a great way to start shifting out of the resentment-trap. You may realize that most people don’t intentionally set out to hurt others (me)

🕹️ Express Emotions Constructively : First – give yourself permission to recognize & own all your emotions. They won’t lill you – they’re just feelings & they pass if you don’t obsess. Instead of sitting on them learn to express them in a healthy, non-confrontational ways.
Allow yourself to feel them, express them and move onto a safe space where you can heal

🕹️ Lean into self-compassion : Find ways to practice self-love & compassion – it will set you up for success now & in the future. Also, it will help you recognize that when you’re resentment-spiraling, you can be your own best friend.   But it’s OK to ask for support, because shifting out of resentment alone is not easy.

🕹️ Practice Forgiveness : This is maybe the hardest step, but also the most rewarding. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing harmful behavior, but rather freeing yourself from the burden of anger.

🕹️ Practice Gratitude : Putting this into action can take years of practice. When folded by doubt & negative thinking, consider the PPT that bring you peace & positivity. Try keeping a gratitude journal to keep track of all the things that make you happy & improve your health & wellness

🕹️ Practice Mindfulness : Being regularly, gently aware of my thoughts & emotions lets me catch a resentful attitude before it spirals out of control

🕹️ Use Professional Help ++ : The roots of resentment run deep,
🌱 so the right kind of professional guidance can be crucial in unpacking complex emotions & beliefs.
🌱 Because we are Spirit Beings, participating in a religious community which encourages our connection to Higher Power can relieve resentments by teaching spiritual principles, & providing both comfort & support.
🌱  Also, for many people, various 12 Step Programs have proven a life saver !

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