Narcissists’ GROWTH Goals (PART 1c)

PREVIOUS: N-Growth Goals (PART 1b)

FYI : The complete series on narcissism is made up of 70 posts!



Therapy for NPD is a long process
Many NPDs feel defensive about treatment or think it’s unnecessary – that therapy is not worth their time & money, or if they try it, will soon quit.  Because Ns use defenses of denial, distortion, & projection, they believe all their problems come from the outside, so being introspective is not even considered. Thus, they don’t often come to individual therapy.

🔷NPD treatment – when sought – is centered around ‘talk therapy’, which tries to help the client take responsibility for their inner word & external behavior, such as understanding what triggers their emotions, what drives them to compete, to distrust & belittle others, & despise themself.

Long-term Psychodynamic Psychotherapy is recommended, exploring the relationship between therapist & patient, with a focus on defenses used during sessions.
✿ This process may significantly reduce self-harming & emergency room visits. Interestingly, people with personality disorders (PDs) seem to have higher morbidity & mortality rates than those without.

A study in the UK indicated that – for women the life expectancy from birth is shorter by 19 years, & 18 years for men – than in the general population. (ARTWORK ➡️ : Panna Parmar)
Increased mortality is explained in part by:
‣ cardiovascular & respiratory diseases
‣ increased incidence of suicide or homicide
‣ long-term smoking, alcohol & drug misuse
‣ poor quality of medical care either by neglect
by troubled social interactions (typical of all PDs), which negatively effect relationships with health-care professionals, such as mis-communications, antagonism & non-compliance.     (Intro to NPD – slide show)

Issues for Ns to MODIFY or OVERCOME
Problem to correct : a snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitude
Problem : assuming they have the right to be to be catered to and treated with ‘honor’ & respect – as if it’s their due just because – without earning it, then puzzled or furious when it doesn’t happen
🎍Envy of others
Problem : envious & jealous of others, & therefore severely devalue the contributions of others

🎍Exploiting others
Problem : taking advantage of others to achieve the N’s own ends. Forming
friendships or romantic attachments only if the other person seems likely to advance their agenda, or otherwise enhance their self-esteem

🎍Need for excessive admiration
Problem : the N’s need for endless attention, constant fishing for compliments, going out of their way to get people to admire them.

Actually, their self-esteem is very fragile, being hyper-sensitivity to criticism or defeat, causing intense feeling of humiliation & worthlessness. Reactions can be isolation or defiant counterattack.

🎍Associating with ‘ordinary’ people, & accept being their equal
Problem : feeling ‘special’ & unique, believing they can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people / institutions

🎍Learning humility
Problem : a grandiose sense of self-importance, while devaluing others. They will routinely over-estimate their abilities, exaggerating accomplishments, being boastful & pretentious

🎍Putting aside grandiose fantasies
Problem : preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Are obsessed with getting “long overdue” special status, comparing themselves favorably with famous or privileged people

🎍Showing respect for other people’s emotions & point of view
Problem : ‘sharing’ their own worries or unfair treatment in inappropriate & lengthy detail, while uninterested in others’ opinions or experiences.

Whether obvious or not, they’re emotionally cold. Impatient with anyone else talking about their problems, they’re oblivious to the hurt their insensitive remarks cause.
They see the expression of needs or feelings in others as signs of weakness (& therefore their own superiority).

For ACoAs with N issues, who are willingly committed to personal healing, work will be to :
✦ Find & acknowledge having Needs & Rights
✦ Give up waiting for someone (anyone) else to take care of them
✦ Give up the illusion of Perfectionism & to stop Procrastinating

✦ Increase ability to understand & regulate emotions (dealing with triggers)
✦ Learn how to accept & maintain genuine personal / intimate relationships, & better collaborate with co-workers

✦ Let go of the desire (demand) for unattainable goals & ideal conditions, accepting what’s realistically achievable, & then pursuing that

✦ Recognize & accept their genuine competence & accomplishments, realistic experiences & potential abilities – in order to tolerate external criticism or personal disappointments & failures without ‘collapsing’
✦ Understand & tolerate the impact of things that may dent their self-esteem

NEXT: N-Growth Goals (Part 2a)

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