PREVIOUS: COVERT Narcissism (Part 1)
Audible BOOK (11 hrs) :
“Trapped in the Mirror – Adult-children of Ns….” ∼ Elan Golomb
COVERT SPECIFICS (cont) C-Ns = covert narcs
❥ Overts are terrified of being alone – an exaggeration of the Extrovert side of the MBTI E-I continuum.
Coverts are much more comfortable being alone, a general preference for Introverts. However with C-Ns, this can be taken to an extreme. Combining self-hate (S-H),fear of abandonment (FoA), fear of commitment (FoC) & fear of responsibility (FoR) will make it easier for Cs to isolate to the point of emotional & psychological starvation.
❥ Cs are more likely to suffer from depression, from a history of being abused, & from lacking even a small support system. Being less communicative than Extroverts (even secretive) many Cs lead double lives, which can turn them paranoids – having a lot to hide, like being orderly at work but messy in their home.
Their introversion can become warped by the severity of N traits, forcing them deeper into silence, & over time into abject misery – since it gets harder to gather enough ‘supply’ to keep the False Self (FS) from collapsing.
In that case, the False Self – which needs fuel to survive – turns in on itself, devouring whatever’s left inside. So instead, in order to survive, they use extremes of pity plays or people-pleasing to get the strokes that will keep them going.
The FS is a defensive identity formed in childhood to cope with a neglectful & abusive family life – a version of themselves they hope will be more acceptable to others – but at a great cost. As they grow up, they’ll defend the FS like it is a life or death issue – since It’s all they have.
They become totally invested in making sure everyone else accepts & admires the FS, taking great pains to hide the ‘Real’ one. Like Overts, they too are afraid to dig behind their defense walls to liberate the True Self, which is buried deep, along with any true empathy for others.
❥ Another version of Coverts are the Wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Many C-Ns seem gentle & humble. Some like to portray themselves as empathy itself, angels in human form – dedicated to the path of ‘enlightenment’. They can reel you in by appealing to your caring & empathy, & their lack of obvious arrogance can unfortunately numb your fears & suspicion.
These C-Ns will compulsively rescue everyone, perform lots of good deeds & help charity organizations…., thriving on feedback from their community that will say: “You’re such a kind person!” However, behind closed doors they can be tyrants.
Wolves disguise their true intentions. THEY:
1. live to take power, instead of empowering others
2. will charm you first, to give the impression they care
3. seem sweet on the outside, but eventually bare their teeth
4. manipulate through emotions to get what they want
5. tell ‘stories’ that are full of holes (Explanations…)
NEXT: Ns financial abuse