PREVIOUS : Motivation #1
“Autonomy & Attachment“ “ACoAs & Being Visible”
2. INDIVIDUAL NEEDS (cont)
d. To PREDICT BEHAVIOR
e. For DECISION-MAKING
f. To MOTIVATE Actions (cont)
Part 1: Actions, Avoidance, Risk, Obstacles, Limitations
COOPERATION: In spite of the many factors that discourage cooperation & maintaining social relationships (self-interest, greed, instant gratification….) people do manage to get together & stay together.
• Wanting to be emotionally connected to others can motivate us to make the effort to understand where others are coming from
• Needing to be seen & heard emotionally & intellectually, can be a motivation to put ourselves ‘out there’, not only to to express needs but also our knowledge & talents
Emotions allow us enjoy the benefits of long-term relationships with people or groups that are important to us, They provide the reason for self-control which helps us resist temptations to act irresponsibly or to run away.
✶ This is another reason it’s imperative to have access to a wide range of Es, and that they be as cleared of damage as possible.
ACTIVISM: (see ‘Purpose for Es – Survival’ post)
In 1938 Carl Jung wrote: “There can be no transforming of darkness into light or of apathy into movement – without emotion”, indicating the profound role that Es play in shaping & directing human actions.
Pro-social emotions such as caring, empathy, guilt, sympathy, and especially justified outrage …. may be used to influence an apathetic groups of people into becoming one of positive action to benefit others in need.
These emotions can shape the way a group functions, leading to action-strategies focused either on social stability or social change, depending on the problem
QUICK RESPONSE: Because Es reflect reactions to our environment, they can also guide us to act in ways that are useful & appropriate to situations we run into & then have to deal with
• if you see your two-year-old in the middle of the street with a car coming, you feel intense fear. This automatically prompts you to rush out to save him/her without having to think
• when you experience pleasure, excitement, joy from an experience – you can respond by coming back for more, once or as many times as possible.
🚣🏼♀️ 🚣🏼♀️ 🚣🏼♀️
⛔️ ACoAs & MOTIVATION
We either have no internal ‘push’ or use the wrong reasons to act. In this context it’s because we’re so disconnected from our own emotions.
💔 Behind that is the tragedy of the alcoholism & narcissists of our childhood caretakers, who stole from us the right & the freedom to be our own motivator.
Instead, we’re ‘motivated’ to act BY: pleasing others – only, being your Toxic ROLE, trying to avoid abandonment & punishment, being the ‘good one’….
REALITY : Emotion is energy for movement. ACoAs have a huge reservoir of unexpressed old pain that weighs us down, trapping all that energy that could be used to take actions. These have to be safely released in other to use all that power for our benefit & for others.
Recovery phrases: “Feel the fear & do it anyway”, “Act yourself into right feelings”.
UNDER: ACoAs often don’t ‘feel like’ doing things – so we just don’t. But we need to ACT. There are actions that —
• we hate doing but need to (cold calls, taxes, dentist…), OR
• some part of us really wants to take, but is too scared to (take a class, make friends, play an instrument, leave an abuser…)
• have to do with self-care, but we don’t have permission to act on (loving self-talk, staying healthy, Recovery activities, speaking up for ourselves …)
OVER: Others of us over-DO, not taking breaks when we need them (sick, over-worked, tired…), don’t take time to rest, process or have fun. The toxic family Roles distort our beliefs & generate painful emotions like guilt, shame, FoA & S-H if we try to do less – never mind relax!.
Rather than allowing our emotions to guide (not dictate) our actions, staying extremely busy insures that we don’t have time to feel much of anything!
• When specific actions are important to us or if the consequences of blowing them off are dire – we need to deal with what’s behind our choice of over-action/ under-action – the intense resistance caused by our rage, terror & the distorted beliefs or demands of the WIC.
NEXT: Emotions & Needs