PREVIOUS: Awareness #1
SITE: “Benefits of Emotional Awareness”
SEE Acronyms Page for abbrev.
1. SOCIAL NEEDS (Communication)
2. INDIVIDUAL NEEDS (cont)
a. To Feel ALIVE (Part 1)
b. For SELF-AWARENESS (cont)
Because we were poorly mirrored – or not at all – many times the nonverbal emotion-cues ACoAs put out don’t match our insides. It’s inevitable, then, that others will misread & misunderstand what we’re experiencing – adding to our pain & isolation. EXPs:
• smiling or making a joke about some painful event in our life
• always acting like everything’s fine, when we’re dying or raging
• acting sexual when actually we’re lonely or need to be acknowledged as a person
• crossing arms, stiff, aloof – when feeling terrified, BUT others read those signs to mean we’re angry or arrogant
Es can not tell us the objective, measurable truth about things that require facts & proof. There are times when we had been right when ‘feeling’ something was going to turn out well or badly.
But much of the time, what we’re so sure is intuition or strong emotions will convince us that all our ‘feelings are facts’, but is actually the WIC’s anxiety or fantasy :
“I love him, so he’s definitely a good person , I feel scared so I just know she’s dangerous , I hate them because I’m sure they hate me!”…..
While our emotions are always valid, most are old abandonment pain or FoA, the fear of loss, & generated by THOUGHTS, as in Toxic Beliefs. (see POST “Feelings Aren’t Facts”)
• Also, not having “feelings” about something doesn’t mean it’s forever lost to us. We may say: “I don’t feel a connection with a H.P. anymore, I’m not upset about them leaving, I don’t feel sexual anymore” ….. example of B & W thinking.
It could be that we need hormonal or other medical help, OR that we really are “over it”, but usually it means we’re so emotionally numb that we’re temporarily out of touch with the energy flow that keeps us connected to ourselves, our spirituality & to others. Doing Emotion Release work – with or without help – can reconnect us!
Es are an important part of our physical mechanism that tells us who our True Self is, at our core. Most of us are trained out of this knowledge early on, but we can find our way back by using the vibrational feedback system of our Emotions!
Think of this energy as the signal strength on your cell —
• the less aligned we are with healthy self-value, the weaker the signal strength. The less of this energy we receive, the worse we feel, to the point of becoming powerless, afraid, vulnerable, depressed & out of control.
We can get so far away from the signal that – not only can’t we hear it, we don’t even look for it!
• the more aligned we are with our True Self & Higher Power, the stronger the self-esteem, the clearer we can feel the energy of Love – first for ourselves, from others & then for others (not from FoA or Co-dependence)
Even with all the trouble that normal living brings, our natural state is to be happy, curious & creative (watch little kids, before they’re damaged!). This state is what we need to recapture from our earliest years, OR heal enough to experience for the first time.
• ACoAs can be warm, dry & full of food & still be unhappy – stuck in old trauma pain – where everything is equally raw.
But if we’re focused in the present Es can let us know when we’re miserable or just uncomfortable – such as when
— someone’s actually harmed us vs being cranky & tired from over-work
— a specific need is missing in our life vs one that’s temporarily unmet
— we’ve lost a loved one vs lost an argument…..
• But feeling genuinely pleased, content, relaxed…. indicates that, at least for the moment, some of our needs have been met, whether short or long-term, & we can be grateful
EXP: Chaz Bono talks poignantly about being unhappy his whole life until his sex change. He always knew he wanted to be a boy & now that he is – he’s genuinely at peace with himself.
The rest of us may have less dramatic needs to fulfill, but they are no less important to our well-being!
NEXT: Es – for PROtection