PREVIOUS : LIARS & the BODY (Part 1)

SITE : “Nonverbal Communication and Body Language“

GENERAL HINTS
BODY
✒︎ Grooming behavior  – playing with / twirling hair, pressing fingers to lips, picking at or brushing off imaginary lint, rubbing excess sweat off back of neck
✒︎  Indifferent or bored posture  – to avoid expressing their emotions. Crossing arms at chest – as self-protection. A rigid stance can be a red flag, since small, relaxed, automatic movements are natural in a truthful conversation

✒︎ Pulling the center of their body inward (concave).  Shrugging one or both shoulders – trying to make themself smaller & less noticeable. Movements can be stiff & awkward

✒︎ Putting barrier-objects between self & another person, on lap if sitting….. When you hit a nerve in a liar they instinctively cover vulnerable body parts (throat or neck, chest, stomach area)

✒︎ HEAD : suddenly jerks head away when asked a direct question abut a lie. Breathing can become rapid & labored

Watch The NECK – Telling a lie doesn’t always come from the mouth. It can get stuck in the neck on the way down (from the brain), making that a great hotspot to notice deception.

If a person touches their neck, it can indicate increased sweat from anxiety about being caught. If they’re wearing a collar, they might instead tug at or adjust it, to seem less obvious.
The act of lying has been found to cause tingling in facial & neck tissues, so a liar will scratch their neck to soothe it, on an average of 5x whenever it itches – rarely more, rarely less.

✒︎ FACE : Touching the face, as if trying to calm themself down. Changing color to a light shade of pink, or blushing.

Mouth is open, with lips slightly tensed or stretched & drawn back.  Watch a person’s smiles — being genuine always includes the entire face, with crow’s feet at the corners of eyes, & contracted cheek muscles.

But when lying : lips are pressed together or are being bitten. The smile looks forced or tense (not from pleasure or as a welcome), & it “does not reach the eyes” which show other emotions such as anger, contempt, disgust, or fear

Other hints :  Swallowing or yawning, voice getting shallower as they breathe heavier. If they’re smoking or chewing gum, it’ll likely to be at a faster pace. Putting a pen or pencil in mouth, chewing on a fingernail, tapping teeth….

The liar may unconsciously cover their mouth to avoid answering a question – an indirect form of dishonesty, or place the hand near it, as if to prevent a lie coming out, which stops communication.

✒︎ HANDS : People tend to fidget the lying, which is a displacement activity that indicates nervous energy. EXP: turn a ring, bracelet watch. Wring their hands, or if sitting, rub palms on pant legs. Chatter with fingertips or hide hands.

It’s very hard to lie with gestures. Say “3” but hold up 4 fingers. However, liars get defensive when caught, which can make them waive their arms, or point a lot with an arm or finger to try to con others into believe their point.
EXP: When asked about Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton clearly looked to his left – as he lied – but pointed directly ahead with his arm. This gesturing disconnect is a surefire symptom.

✒︎ FEET : When people lie, nervous behavior shows by their feet doing a little dance, often unconsciously. This could include squirming, tapping, wrapping one foot around the other, or Pointing in a direction away from the conversation – toward an available exit.

Some may cross their ankles, then pull their feet under the chair. Some alternate crossing legs at the knees & then at the ankles.

Nitty-Gritty: The feet are generally considered the most honest part of the body – because people rarely try to control their feet when spinning a tall tale.  It’s psychological “leakage” when hidden feelings are repressed or hidden, & feet are a main body part for this leakage.

Disclaimer: Fidgety feet don’t always indicate lying. Instead they may indicate boredom, discomfort, or a need to move. But when combined with other suspect cues, they’re a helpful hint.
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NEXT :

PREVIOUS : Liars’ LANGUAGE & SPEECH (#1)

SITE: “How to Lie“

While most people only focus on considering realism when trying to decide if a statement is T or F, this research strongly indicated that both a. & b. are needed to accurately evaluate communications.

Liars seem to have a problem with this complexity, which shows up in talking & writing.  These can be signs of emotions that don’t fit what’s being talked about (smiling when describing a tragedy) or of thinking too much when an answer shouldn’t need much time.
EXP: to give themself time to come up with a lie, they may making qualifying statements that leave them an out : “As far as I recall… If you really think about it…What I remember is…” Since the task of lying causes mental strain, small pieces of the story will be overlooked & left out, such as :

🫦 Missing Subjective mental states: People who are telling a true story will often add their own emotions & feelings about what they were experiencing. They might talk remark about how cold it was, how tired they were, the fear they felt or anger …. Liars tend to leave these things out unless specifically asked for them, but offer less than those telling the truth.

🫦NO Contextual embedding: Details of time & place are left out, which normally would indicate the context for a word appearing in a sentence or document. Liars, generally motivated to use an ‘unverifiable-information’ strategy, tend to avoid providing context. The proportion of such details can be used to separate T from F accounts

🫦 NO Story specifics  : Notice – Does the person include quotes to validate their version? Do they report specifically what they said to others & what was said to them? Do they say what they thought to themself at   the time (inner dialogue) ?
These are natural parts of a true story. Liars often skip them.

🫦 NO Irrelevant or Unusual details: True stories often include odd details that don’t belong or don’t seem relevant but that represent part of the person’s experience —”I heard the Johnson’s dog barking,” “A jet went overhead.”
Instead, liars tend to leave out such extraneous details, whether because they’re concentrating on getting the story right or because they haven’t considered mentioning them

Cues to the liar’s motivation & attempts to sound accurate or trustworthy :
🧠 NOT admitting poor memory skills: Liars assume that the truth should be seamless, read or spoken like a scripted tale. Someone remembering a real event will occasionally have memory lapses & easily admit it.
A liar may not. While they may claim a lack of memory, it’s usually from a different motive – as an excuse for missing some detail rather that being self-corrective

🧠 NOT expressing doubts about accuracy:  Honest witnesses are very aware their stories are incomplete or faulty, & acknowledge it.  As mentioned, liars tend to think their stories have to be perfect, They will swear on their mother’s life that every word is true & almost infallible (or so it would seem).

🧠 NO spontaneous correction: People telling the truth seldom go straight through their story & then will revise some detail. Liars stick to the script they’ve prepared, like politicians with talking points. Since they believe that self-correction or a revision will make them look unreliable, &/or because it will mess up their ‘flow’, they usually don’t risk it.

From: Prof. Richard Gray. Fairleigh Dickinson U.

NEXT : Lying & Body Language, #1

PREVIOUS : Types of LIARS (Part 2)

SITE : “How Do We Stop Listening to Liars?” (Breaking denial)

❖ DETAILS
Compared to making a truthful statement, it’s harder for ‘normal’ liars to stick to their false story and use complex language.…. This is because of the increased cognitive load & the mind’s finite processing capacity in the moment, so the harder it gets for them to concoct a believable response, the more they resort to simpler language.

People usually avoid specific details when being deceptive, but occasionally will let one slide through. When that happens there are ways to tell if they’re lying.
EXP :  You’re having dinner with someone, & they tell you this whole story about their fancy new job, but you think they’re lying, not just exaggeration.

If you ask about it, they keep dancing around the point, giving a bunch of vague answers. So you decide to hone in on something specific – you ask where their office building is – & they say something general like “Oh it’s downtown. ”

When you want details, like – what are the cross streets it’s at or near – you get “It’s confusing”. If they had been telling the truth they’d consider this a weird Q. but easy to answer. After all, they have to know how to get to work.
But when lying, they’ll start floundering for a response, or suddenly change the subject. Either way they’re caught red-handed.

A 2012 study published in the journal ‘Group Decision and Negotiation’ found that lying has a huge impact on the way we speak. It discovered around 150 potential indicators of deception, & narrowed them down to 7 powerful constructs (abstract, theoretical concept) used when lying.

🔸 One is vocal diversity. Tone of voice is like the rifling in a gun barrel – which are the grooves that spin the projectile so it will fly accurately & hit its mark. Without proper rifling, the bullet starts to tumble as soon as it leaves the barrel & will go wild. When listening to someone’s story, ask yourself  “How diverse is their language? Are their answers hesitant”?  Pay attention ! You can actually say : “Hmm, you sounded a little hesitant. Why is that? Is there anything else you’d like to tell?…”
🔹 Another is vocal uncertainty, (“uh, umm, well, see…) subtle ways liars distance themself from admitting their dishonesty – to themself.  It’s the same reason they avoid using first person (“I, me, mine, myself”), since including them would indicate the speaker is admitting the lie. Instead, they create as much wiggle room as they can.

Others hints include using:
• more negative emotion words such ‘hate, sad, worthless”, liars being anxious & sometimes feeling guilty
• fewer exclusionary words such as “except, but or neither/ nor” which would normally distinguish what they did from what they didn’t do.
• verbal stalling technique, like ‘Why do you ask that?’ or repeating the other person’s question – with a tilt at the end “Where was I yesterday?” — rather than a direct & open response.

Fraud-speech tends to be more “fuzzy”, with strategies used to distance themself, using :
— short & uncertain statements
— formal language, non-contracted denial (“I did not have…)
— vague or hedging language (“I guess, maybe” or “could / might”)
— convincing language “To tell you the truth, In all honesty …”
— repeated words & phrases (“I didn’t… I didn’t…”)

At one extreme re. details – (maybe ACoAs, Introverts….) – if a guilty person is being questioned about an action or a motive, they can find it harder & harder to talk – at all – as when a child, a mate…. is forcefully challenged : “Why did you….?”
When someone’s under stress causing high anxiety, the automatic nervous system decreases salivary flow, drying out the mucous membranes of the mouth.

At the other end (more likely Extroverts) – a liar can actually give away too many details – even if some or all are made up! A nervous liar may go on & on with too much information – especially adding what has not been asked for.
And experiences liars can end up telling longer & more detailed stories, with fewer negative & more positive emotion words – to make themself sound more convincing.

NEXT : Lists & the Body

PREVIOUS : How to LIE (Part 2)

SITEs : ✐ “Secrets of Body Language” documentary film

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LYING & the BRAIN
The neocortex, made up of the Frontal & Temporal Lobes, is ‘intellectual’ (not emotional). When lying, a person’s activated frontal lobe is capable of dishonesty, & therefore involved in suppressing the truth, which makes it hard for others to know if you’re being lied to

The limbic system (emotions) compels a person to react subconsciously to situations, so their non-thinking reactions are very honest & can reveal a person’s true feelings, like a poker players ‘tell” when trying to hide a bluff. When it’s activated a person’s anxiety increases because of their deception.

When someone tells the truth, fewer brain cells are activated in the frontal lobes & limbic system, which which have to do with memory encoding & retrieval, needed to check whether the mental imagery used when communicating – is accurate .

🧠 The Nucleus Accumbens is considered the ‘pleasure dome’, known for its roles in pleasure, reward, & addiction. It allows us to perform 2 fundamental human activities – to survive & procreate. Activated neurons in this region release dopamine, a hormone that gives us the feeling of happiness &  satisfaction.

When we exploit these natural needs for selfish ends (over-eating, living in fantasies, chasing money & power….), the pleasure dome shrinks, not releasing dopamine, even when an original desire is fulfilled.

The resulting discontent propels us to keep  looking for ways to fulfill the craving for pleasure – choosing unhealthy activities – which often include manipulation & lying. EXP : Someone who lies, cheats or steals compulsively finds it ‘rewarding’ to deceive others.
But, like with any addiction, the moments of enjoyment are short-lived, inadequate & disappointing, so the person becomes a slave to repetition.

Much research has allowed neuro-psychologists to identify distinct area in brain when a person tells the truth vs when they’re lying, because different parts are used when deliberately telling a falsehood. Neuro-imaging studies in volunteer-participants showed activation patterns when they were asked to lie or tell the truth. Results : the ventro-lateral & dorso-lateral areas of the prefrontal cortex become more lit up when lying .

Also, if we think of the brain as a computer, Gray Matter is the hardware, & White Matter makes up the cables that connect the network & transmitting signals. 

Interestingly, brain scans have revealed that the prefrontal cortexes in frequent liars are built differently from those in a typical brain. A 2005 study showed that in this region they had about 14% less gray cells -which play a role in impulse control. AND the scans showed they had 22% more “white matter” than average, allowing them to be better at manipulate information & words- so they can weave thoughts in ways others probably can’t.

Another study also found that compulsive liars have up to 26% more white matter in their prefrontal cortex, showing they’re better at making connections between various thoughts not based in reality.  EXP : an airplane mechanic might falsely combine ‘Me’ with ‘fighter pilot’.

While the key to success in both personal & professional relationships is the ability to communicate well, it’s not only the words used but the nonverbal cues or “body language” that speak the loudest. They include physical behavior, expressions & mannerisms that ‘speak silently’, often instinctive rather than conscious.

POLYGRAPH : the lie detector machine measures the activity in the limbic system, the anxiety felt by the subject (person being tested).
It can therefore be fooled if they’re usually calm (telling the truth) or are a Pathological Liar without a conscience -because they’re internally congruent (not in conflict) .
The information gathered by the machine is only 50 – 90% reliable, so polygraph test results are inadmissible in court, not being scientifically reliable enough when the stakes are so high.

NEXT : Liars & the BODY (Part 2)

PREVIOUS : DETECTING LIARS (#1)

HOW TO SPOT A LIAR (cont)
1. Reverse story
2. Answer delay

3. MISSING FEELINGS
In the interrogation literature, there’s a concept called “reality monitoring” –  how we store memories, compared to storing fiction.
◆ When recalling a true memory, we’ll refer to sensory details (how things looked, smelled….), as well as how we felt about a specific event – annoyed, bored, amused, uplifted…..

► On the other hand, when rattling off a made-up version, a liar is more likely to use “cognitive operations,” mental gymnastics that are literal, logical & matter-of-fact, without including emotions or body responses. (Post : “Repressing Es”)

EXP :  Suppose you’re talking about walking home from a movie. If it is a true memory, your may focus on the sound of the bus splashing a puddle or your annoyance at being wet. Truth-tellers tend to include sensory descriptions, liars do not.
If it’s made up, your version will sound more rational —  “It was raining, so I must have had my umbrella.”

4. HOLD your EVIDENCE
If you’re suspicious of someone, direct confrontation is one of the worst ways to get to the truth, as it gives your whole plan away. Don’t start by saying : “I know you did it!”
If you show your cards too soon, all they have to do is say No & you won’t know what’s real.
Also, experienced liars don’t show the usual signs – they don’t look stressed or make obvious mistakes.  With them, the best route is to sit back & wait, letting the liar sabotage themself.

According to the “Journal of Investigative Psychology & Defender Profiling” you should continue asking questions no matter what they say (unless you know you’ll be physically injured by them).
Just assume at first they’re telling the truth.
Eventually – if you keep pushing for more & more info about a situation, they’re going to run out of the prepared story & start contradicting themself.
IF you’re prepared – that’s the perfect time to spring the evidence   you have as proof of their lie.
In an intimate relationship, as soon as you flip the switch, they :
— may make elaborate excuses / justifications/ blame you
— act insulted, try to make you feel guilty for doubting them
— OR get very angry & verbally attack you
— OR laugh, make fun of you & walk away
— OR most often, the partner will just clam up.
RARELY – show signs of stress, stutter, crumbling the cool facade

5. ADD the UNEXPECTED
Whether trying to finagle the truth from a teenager or suspecting a friend of fabricating a story, catching someone in a lie takes some effort & knowhow.
When someone’s telling you a story you suspect is false, interrupt with weird questions as they talk. A good way to spot a liar is to throw them a curve ball in the middle of their story.
Scientific American looked at military interrogation tactics to see what works in everyday life, & found that posing left-field questions can trip up a liar.

Ask for random information  – something they weren’t expecting, & watch their reaction. Specifics are good – the more unrelated to the version they’re telling the better.
Example: If you think someone’s lying about having been to a movie theater, ask what the previews were, if a particular B-list actor was in the film….. (MORE …. )

A 2011 essay in the Journal of Applied Cognitive  Psychology – agrees that unexpected questions forces a liar to improvise, which can throw them off. It means having to make up something they didn’t have planned, so their initial story will fall apart as they make more & more mistakes. Most people caught in a lie will stumble or burble when put on the spot.

WITH FRIENDS
A 2012 study published in the Journal of the Human Factors & Ergonomics Society found that social behaviors change when a person is lying. They’re more uptight, even if everyone else is relaxed.
Truth-tellers tend to fall in sync with the people around them, easily making eye contact, laughing & mirroring the body language of their friends or partner.

CAVEAT: Tare care to not repeat a version of Othello’s error – Shakespeare’s tragic hero – who, after inaccurately accusing his wife of infidelity, mistakes her fear for signs that she’s lying —> & kills her!

NEXT : DETECTING LIARS (Part 3)

PREVIOUS : Types of LIARS (Part 2b)

3 POSTs :  “Why ACoAs Lie”

SITE: Culture & Deception
(Can we tell ?)

NOTE for ACoAs
The following suggested tools are not only for law enforcement & legal uses.
WE grew up with blatant or subtle lies from family, school, news & social media …. SO we can too easily attach to mates, friends & groups who also control others, pushing their world view by cleverly concocted lies. Narcissist are particularly adept.

CATCHING a LIAR
“Americans consider themselves a “truth-default” group, unconsciously assuming people are telling the truth.
HOWEVER – author Pamela Meyer, in her very popular TED Talk on Spotting a Liar, suggested that most people are on the receiving end of 10 – 200 lies every single day.  But it’s tricky to get lying just right, so it has to be done carefully & sparingly.
⁍ Too much, & no one trusts you
⁌ Too little, & you get laughed at, called “blunt,” or shunned as socially inappropriate. ”

1. STORIES in REVERSE
IF you want to check if someone is going to answer your Q honestly – & you know or suspect they tend not to :
a. Ask the same question 3x in different ways —-> to uncover their lie-pattern. The 1st time – you’re likely to get a well-planned answer – the details, the words they’re going to use…

b. What happens when you ask again, in a different way?
IF they’re telling the truth, they may add some details or tell the story differently.
To spot a liar, be a good listener. Research found that liars often hesitate or don’t talk ‘smoothly’ because “they can’t draw on real memories, lack the imagination to make up a detailed, plausible story, or are afraid they’ll give themselves away.”  Since they only have one version about an event, they’ll rehash the same words, details, even the same phrases.

c. Ask a 3rd time – about details – the less important things in a situation.
◎ If they were at a restaurant, “what color were the chairs?”
◎ If they were staying with friends, “which bedroom did they sleep in? What did it look like? ”
Keep them talking & it gets even more obvious – the first version you heard is repeated – again.
SO ask them to tell their story in reverse.

By the ‘law of human behavior‘, when asked to tell the false story backwards, it’s much harder – if it’s a lie – as they try to imagine details in reverse. It increases the “cognitive load” exponentially. They get confused, talk slower, make more mistakes or leave out important derails, give contradictions.

☞ Opposite – when you’re being told Truth, a ‘story’ is almost always easier to explain, even in reverse, actually uncovering new info or details missed before.

◘ KEEP them BUSY – a variation
The “cognitive load model” of deception says that “lying is multi-tasking, & therefore difficult. Liars must plan what they say, remember to play a role, & suppress the truth.” So, make it harder for them.
Professor Albert Vrij et.al. (Portsmouth, UK) suggests getting a known liar to focus part of their attention on some important concept or task, or sometime they love to do.
Then at the same time question them about a suspicious behavior, unhealthy plan, abusive comment (“Why did you….?”). If their brain is busy doing other things, they won’t have as much mental resources left over to lie, or at least, not as convincingly.   (MORE….)
EXP: ◎ If you suspect your partner of cheating, ask them questions while they’re driving. ◎ If you suspect your teen is using drugs, ask about it while getting them to do household chores…..

2. ANSWER DELAY
Normally, when someone asks a question you were not expecting, you pause, taking a second to think about your answer – honestly.
BUT practiced liars often jump the gun. They have something already prepared, always wanting to be a step ahead, so they’re anxious to get that lie out of their brain & into the world (on you).

When checking to see if someone is lying (you know they often are) –  listen for that little pause. If they skip it & answer right away, there’s a good chance they’ve planed their excuses / justifications / ‘false proofs’ – way in advance – just in case they get caught!

NEXT : DETECTING Liars, (#2)

bPREVIOUS : Reasons we LIE – in Brief (#2)

33 REASONS (cont)

❥ Manipulate: An abusive person constantly lies in order to continue their manipulation – to keep the other on their power. If the truth came out, the victim might leave

❥ Maximize: At one extreme, some lies exaggerate the person’s feelings or situation, making things worse than they really are, for dramatic effect

❥ Minimize: With the opposite version, a person may minimize a situation by lying, trying to reduce the physical damage, emotional harm, or punishment that might otherwise occur

❥ Perception: Some people believe their own illusions. Their perception of reality is distorted enough, so they believe their ‘version’ is not a lie

❥ Procrastinate: Passive-aggressive avoidance of responsibilities is a way to procrastinate making decisions or taking a specific action. This lie is more subtle because they knows they should be doing something but are intentionally putting it off

❥ Protect: Some lies are done to protect others, such as taking on responsibility for things the person did not do or is not responsible for, in order to benefit someone else

❥ Suppress: Some lies are intentional – meant to cover up their  misbehavior or a problem they can’t cope with

❥ Superior: Those with larger-than-life egos put out big lies, to maintain superiority & make themself look better than everyone

❥ Sympathy: Similar to attention-seeking, a person who tries to get empathy from others will lying about a past or current event

❥Vindictive: Some people use lies to intentionally cause harm as a way of getting back at another person or group they feel harmed by.

🖤     🩶    🤎    💙  💔
FEELINGS : Many people lie, directly – or indirectly by omission, to hide their feelings and emotions. This may be a way to get along in most areas of our life (work, at parties, on the street) but sadly we also lie about ourself to people we’re supposed to be close to – family, mates, friends, adult-children….

Remember that what we normally mean by “feelings” are not emotions but rather some form of thinking : an opinion, a belief, an experience, a point of view….. none of which are either emotional feelings (sad / happy) or body feelings (tired /energized).

EXP: Whenever someone asks you : “How do you feel about that ?” almost everyone will start describing an event, a reaction…. not emotions. RULE : any response that’s more than one word is a thought – a mental expression!
That includes all lies, no matter how short.

We lie to avoid events & circumstances that make us anxious – like speaking up for our rights, or saying no to something we don’t like. We want to suppress emotions that come with them such as guilt, depression, sadness & anxiety.  So we lie because we don’t want to feel vulnerable.

Most people lie about their “feelings”, acting as if we don’t have many concerns, but we really do. This includes both our opinions (cognitive) or emotions (feeling).On the other hand, it’s important to have boundaries. It’s not appropriate or acceptable to expose ourself or to burden others with our personal difficulties. This RULE is: Do not justify yourself, but do not lie. No is a complete sentence !

INTELLIGENCE – Perhaps surprisingly, it turns out that  intelligent people lie more often than others. There are many studies proving that those with higher intelligence are good at deception. They also lie because of having better emotional intelligence.
Lies are the “Precursor of the previous lie”
There’s a maxim that : “A liar’s worst enemy is someone with a good memory….. You’ve got to create a hundred other lies to hide a single one.” That is accurate, because people can get even more involved in falsehoods to cover up the lies they’ve told in the past. Research has found evidence for a retrieval mechanism that helps us remember the lies we’ve already told – in response to re-encountering a question that one has lied about before.

❣️ Telling the truth is considered easier than maintaining a web of lies, because you don’t have to remember what you said previously, which can lead to more authentic, meaningful relationships.

NEXT :

PREVIOUS : Type of Lies & Liars, #2

3 POSTS : “Why ACoAs Lie“

The main reason people lie is low self-esteem. The person wants to impress, please, & tell others what you think they want to hear. If you often find yourself being deceptive with family & friends to sidestep volatile or painful subjects, you may need to strengthen your interpersonal skills, & in some cases, avoid the person instead of the issues.

33 REASONS

❥ Attention-seek: Some people lie just to get other people’s attention (HPDs & NPDs) . The irony is that most don’t know what to do with the attention when they do get it

❥ Avoid: Some lying is to avoid consequences of bad behavior, or get out of trouble if caught – especially true for children.
It many instead be a need to avoid embarrassment (reason for forgetting an appointment)

❥ Bored: Some people are ‘addicted’ to drama in their life. So they lie to stir it up & watch other people’s reactions

❥ Curiosity: Some people lie when wanting to poke their nose into things that are none of their business, without considering possible harm to self or others – a very childish behavior some don’t grow out of

❥ Covet: When a person is envious of what others have (& don’t know how to get what they want for themself !) they lie by pretending to be happy for someone else’s success or accomplishment

❥ Cover: Some people wear a social mask, pretending to be something they’re not.  To keep up appearances, they lie to hide revealing who they really are

❥ Control: For some, their whole life is trying to control everything & everyone – o they feel safer.  A web of lies are told to keep others in line with their one goals & desires

❥ Deny: Some are convinced they can ‘eliminate’ a person or situation (death of a child, fatal illness) by lying to themself & others to deny the reality, which may be deliberate or by omission

❥ Disappointment: A lie can be told to avoid disappointing another person or even themself, so eliminating their uncomfortable feelings (fear of rejection) justifies the deception

❥ Desire: Wanting to believe a lie someone tells them to be true (‘I love you’ from an abuser) has a deep need / desire to cling to their distorted misconception

❥ Elevate: A person who wants to lift themselves up to another person or group will lie about their high level of morality, strong work ethic, or perfectionistic standards

❥ Fun: Some people lie as their form of private entertainment, to feel superior (“I know something you don’t know”), because they like the power of manipulating others

❥ Gains : The second most common motive for lying, in both children & adults, is to grab a reward not easy to get, or not legitimately available. (on a job application, for an inheritance)

❥Habit: Lying can become a very bas habit with lots of repetition over time, which can seem natural rather than an aberration

❥ Harm: A person determined to harm another person who is vulnerable will lie as a common tactic about who they are & what they’re doing. (abductions, molestation, narcissistic control)

❥ Hide: A person can lie to hide who they are, about what they’re doing or about someone else – to avoid accountability. This can be about their own addiction, their mate being phycaiuly abusive….

❥ Impress: As a way to try impressing others & to look better, a person will lie about who they are, what they’ve done, or where they’re going

❥ Indifference: A person can lie to another about some subject because they doesn’t care whether the listener believes them nor not, nor about any consequence of the lie, so won’t see anything wrong with their deception

❥ Intimidated: Sometimes a lie comes from being intimidated by others. This feeling of inferiority is so uncomfortable that they lie to cover it up (fawning)

❥ Lazy: On occasion, a lie boils down to a person being lazy & not wanting to do the work the promised to do or that was assigned to them, so they lie about the avoidance

NEXT : REASONS we LIE – in Brief (#2)

PREVIOUS : Type of LIARS (2a)

SITE :  Pathological Liar vs. Straight Shooter
😏 Saying : “Liar, liar, your pants are on fire”

“NORMAL ” vs. PATHOLOGICAL Lying (cont.)

◼️ Pathological
INTERESTING : Psychology & neuroscience provide clues to why some people lie up a storm, while others have trouble being dishonest or detecting dishonesty in others

😇 At one end of the spectrum are those rare individuals who can be described as “pathological truth-tellers.” They refuse to use socially convenient & appropriate fibs, but rather only speak the unvarnished, upsetting truth.
😝 This is a well-known pattern of some ACoAs –  blurting out whatever comes to their mind, (like a chid – “Look mommy, she so fat / he’s ugly….). Such unrecovered ‘normal’ ACoAs are desperately compensating for a severely dysfunctional upbringing, ✒︎ angrily insisting that everything be ‘fair’
✒︎ determined to tell whatever they observe, without boundaries
✒︎ getting back at family lying by outing them to the whole world
✒︎ not let anyone get away with any form of hypocrisy & deception

🧡 However, more commonly, it’s a well-known feature of people with high-functioning autism & Asperger’s Syndrome. Brain scans using fMRI show them to have less activity in areas of the “social brain“, so parts of the prefrontal cortex that should light up – don’t.”

They have a tendency to be very blunt & direct, honest to a fault. Also, they have trouble detecting falsity in other people’s words & actions, making them gullible, AND because they assume other people are as honest as they are, they’re vulnerable to anyone who looks to take advantage.
EXP: TV characters with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

😈 At the opposite extreme —> found in a portion of ‘normal’ people with long-term neglect & abuse, & ACoAs severely traumatized by years of physical & sexually torture.
“Pathological liars have a pattern of frequent, repeated & excessive lying, distinct from occasional dishonesty, with no apparent benefit or gain to them, which seems to defy logic.

What’s most puzzling is that it’s counterproductive. Spouting flagrant whoppers cause trouble in jobs, relationships, even with the law through self-incrimination! Stranger still, the blatantly falseness of their lies can easily be seen through. Not only is there no obvious personal benefit to the lies, but most of the time are easily disprovable.
Researchers speculate that pathological liars experience some sort psychological excitement from fooling others, an internal satisfaction that makes them keep it up, but it’s not known why, suggests Dr. Charles Dike at Yale U. & CT Valley Hospital.

Whether consciously or not – their lies may be triggered by a desire to avoid shame or conflict. It typically includes creating elaborate stories to impress others, & adding more lies when questioned. Pathological liars are characterized by 5 traits.
THEY:
🔻are great storytellers with vivid, dramatic, fantastic & detailed imagination
🔻 make lies convincing, since they’re natural performers
🔻 can end up believing their lies by constant repetition
🔻 will portray themselves as victims or heroes in the ‘stories’

🔻speak in generalities rather than specifics – most of the time, but especially when confronted, acting as if they don’t know what someone is asking them about. Avoiding direct answers, they never have get to the issue at hand, & can react against the challenge (“Who? not me !!  How dare you accuse me…. I never….”)

Recognizing pathological lying can be incredibly difficult, but a recent study published in Psychiatric Research and Clinical Practice developed a self-assessment scale that measures this pattern.  When taking this test, one indicates how strongly they agree or disagree with each item. MY LYING :
√ has caused severe problems in all my relationships
√ is very emotionally distressing
√ has put me or others in danger
√ is out of my control
√ tends to get bigger once I start
√ is for no valid reason
✤ After I lie, I feel less anxious

Pathological lying, with its persistent need to “make up stuff”, has a severely negative impact on one’s overall well-being, as the person gets tangled up  in their own web of deceit.
Some will admit to impaired functioning, being constantly stressed & in more danger – than non-liars – in their emotional, social, & professional life. Because their lies erode others’ trust in them,  genuine connections are not impossible.
In severe cases, pathological lying can lead to financial instability & legal troubles, further compounding the toll it takes on themself & their family.
SITE: Overcoming Pathological Lying

NEXT : Reasons we Lie (#1)

PREVIOUS : Type of LIARS (Part 1)

SITE :
“Why People Lie “

“NORMAL ” vs. PATHOLOGICAL Lying

🤍 WHITE Lies
 These are considered harmless, often well-intentioned lies told to spare someone’s feelings or avoid unnecessary conflict or discomfort. They usually have minimal consequences, & are generally socially acceptable. EXP: praising your aunt’s cooking—even if the meal wasn’t to your liking – to be polite & keep peace.

✐ People who tell white lies don’t think of themself as true “liars”
✐ They justify them as harmless – even beneficial – in the long run
✐ Will tell only part of the truth, so are not suspected of lying at all
✐ May use lying to shield someone from what they believe is a hurtful or damaging truth

Occasional liars
• These people seldom tell lies
• Are respected for trying hard to be truthful
• When they do lie, they’re so surprised or shocked that guilt overtakes them
• Humble enough to admit their mistakes
• Are quick to ask for forgiveness from the person they lied to

🩶 GRAY Lies
These don’t fit neatly into either White – since they’re more serious, but not Real, which  are malicious.
Gray lies can be used to avoid unnecessary conflict or discomfort, but don’t always have such pure intentions.
EXP 1 : By omission – leaving out important facts – which can be as deceptive as Direct ones, such as not mentioning to your friend that their partner has been flirting with someone else, even though you actually saw it.

EXP 2 : By exaggeration, which inflates or embellishes the truth to make a person or story more interesting or to impress others – such as boasting about how much you can bench press by overstating your strength & weight capacity.

Careless liars
• These people go about their normal lives, & easily lie whenever they can
• They aren’t concerned about trying to hide their lies, nor that these make sense
• Everyone knows they’re lying because they’re sloppy at it
• They have very few friends, because people get sick of their obviously twisted stories. 

🤎  REAL Lies
These are deliberate falsehoods, more deceptive, intended to gain personal advantage, conceal wrongdoing & manipulate others. They’re rarer, but planned & executed for a specific reason, possibly with negative social & legal consequences. EXP : falsely claiming that your phone was stolen — to get a replacement from an insurance company — when it was just lost.

Smooth Liars 
• They’re so good with words & body language that others tend to believe them, even when they have a reputation for being a liar
• They’re very entertaining & fun to be around, but when found out, tends to move on to others who they can apply work their dark talents on. 

Compulsive liars (Part 2b)
• Their lying is an addiction, often without a clear motive
• Most report an inability to stop themself, even when wanting to
• Tend to be their “normal” way of responding to any question

INTERESTING
🚩Research shows there are also gender differences in honesty.
♦︎ One paper suggests men are more selfishly dishonest than women. A meta-analysis of over 8,700 observations found that men tell more black lies (for personal benefit) and white lies (altruistic).

♦︎ It was also observed that men are more likely to deceive themself, believing they’re superior & so deserving of special treatment, driven mainly by the exploitative/entitlement facet of narcissism,
♦︎ And regarding self-regulation – men are more competitive, which is associated with a greater willingness to deceive.
Their conclusion : Men are generally more dishonest than women, anywhere it serves a self-interest, & especially in high-rival environments.
Women are less competitive, more guilt-prone, with greater moral-identity strength than men.

🚩 Another study found “a significant link between lying expertise & gender.” Men are twice as likely as women to consider themselves expert liars who get away with it, preferring to lie to your face rather than via text messages, with social media the least likely way.
Previous research concluded that most people tell 1-2 lies per day, but that’s not accurate – most do not lie daily.  40% of all falsehoods come from a small category of deceivers  – the ‘Prolifics’, who lie with impunity (without fear of punishment), especially to those closest to them.’ (MORE….)

NEXT : Type of LIARS (Part 2b)